When A Brother Is Not Enough
by BreakFree
Summary: Kendall has always been there for Logan, and he's always been in love with Logan. Logan has always been overprotective of Kendall, and Kendall's his best friend. Could Logan come to terms with new feelings or will Kendall remain his "little brother?"
1. He doesn't even know I'm gay

**I want to thank the readers who have been reading and reviewing my other fanfics! I LOVE YOU GUYS! And I've been more of a reader/reviewer lately, but I got this idea in Earth Science and started writing it. If you guys don't like it, PLEASE tell me, and I won't continue. I only have 2 chapters so far, but if you guys like it, I'll have more. I don't think it's that great, but I hope you enjoy it at least a little :)**

**Disclaimer: I obviously do not own Big Time Rush because if I did, there would be no need for this fanfic :)**

It was the third time this week that I felt eyes on me, intently watching every move I made. I looked up from my Minnesota Wild article to scan the pool for any sign of a fixed gaze.

James was chasing Carlos around the pool because said Latino stole the pretty boy's lucky comb when he refused to pretend the roof of the Palmwoods was a diving board to make the world's biggest cannonball into the pool.

Camille had been wearing a bright red dress, her face all done up like the Red Queen's from Alice in Wonderland. _Must__ be__ a__ new __role_, I thought to myself as my eyes moved from Camille to Jo all dressed up as the White Queen. _And __she__ must __have __conned__ Jo __into __practicing __with__ her_, I thought again, chuckling at Jo's horrified look at Camille's wildly waving arms.

And then my eyes found Logan.

As soon as my gaze met his chocolate one, he quickly looked back down at his medical book, and I could have sworn I saw a tinge of red flood his pale cheeks. Was it Logan's gaze I felt piercing through my magazine to reach my eyes? It was starting to be kind of suspicious. Every time I felt a pair of eyes on me, coincidentally, Logan averted his hazel ones to something that he wanted me to think he had been fascinated by the whole time, and his pale skin gave way to a rosy undertone. I may not have the IQ that Logan does, but I'm not dumb. And Logan was just so damn obvious. He's always been a terrible liar.

_But __why?_ I thought to myself as I studied Logan's now nervous and embarrassed aura. He ran one slim hand through his raven hair and his slightly-creamed-coffee gaze zoned in on a pretty uninteresting palm tree.

I couldn't fight the smirk that tugged at my lips. Logan looked so damn adorable when he was flustered. But he was more than adorable. He may as well have been a god, or an angel, or at least a demigod. I'm not so sure that he isn't all of the above, somehow impossibly all rolled into one.

He had delicate, smooth features that any girl found absolutely seductive. He had an adorable lopsided grin, smooth creamy skin, perfectly styled raven hair, and eyes that were the most beautiful shade of brown I had ever seen. He was smart, sweet, and simply amazing.

And don't ever let his smaller stature and seemingly shy nature deceive you. He could throw a fierce punch or explode with anger if anyone hurt his friends. It came out more when I was concerned though, but I just assumed it was because I was the youngest of our rag-tag group of hockey players.

He had almost taken on the role of my older brother – but brother was not the right word. He was overprotective of me like an older brother, and he took care of me like an older brother, but there was nothing brotherly about the lingering touches I gave him, or the longing in my eyes when I looked at him, or the way I casually slung my arm around his shoulders just to feel the electric shock heighten my heart rate and boil my blood.

But Logan would never feel that. Logan saw me as his little brother – nothing more. And I would have to be content with that.

Because even if Logan did like guys – which he most certainly didn't – he seemed like the type that would like pretty brunettes that would protect him so he could be the vulnerable one sometimes. Like James.

But even if he did like guys, he would never date James. Logan and I both knew how much Carlos adored the tall, unnaturally pretty boy. Logan would never do that to Carlos, and neither would I. And James just wasn't my type.

He wasn't the one I'd been in love with since before I even knew what love was.

He wasn't my best friend Logan Mitchell.

Carlos blocked my daydreamy stare across the pool at Logan as he knelt down in front of me. "What's wrong, man? You've been zoning out all week. Wanna talk about it?"

That's why I loved Carlos and considered him a real brother. Because no matter how hyper and goofy he seemed to always be, he always seemed to know when I'd been deep in thought. It's almost as if when he detected that I had been consumed by my thoughts, a switch had been flicked to Carlos's serious big brother mode.

I sighted, shifting my now-glistening gaze from the beautiful milk chocolate eyes across the pool to Carlos's dark chocolate ones. "I'll be okay eventually, man," I said, hoping Carlos couldn't hear the dejectedness in my tone. But of course he could. This was Carlos we were talking about.

"I don't buy that for one minute," he began. He then turned his head to look across the pool, hoping to find the catalyst that set my thoughts in motion. His gaze found Logan, who was staring intently at Carlos and I with a shadow of concern dimming those creamy coffee eyes. Then Carlos turned back to me, and I could almost see the gears in his head turning, putting together the pieces that lie before him.

He knew I was gay. But he didn't know that Logan was the object of my affection. Although I think he just figured it out.

He sighed before smiling sympathetically at me. "You really should tell him, dude," he said, patting my shoulder, his voice dripping with sympathy and understanding. I rolled my eyes at the older Latino in front of me, almost willing me with his eyes to get up and say something to Logan.

"I can't, Carlos," I started, tears threatening to fall from my eyes.

"But what if he feels the same way? Haven't you noticed how protective he is of you, or how much brighter his eyes and smile tend to be when he sees you and talks to you?"

I looked at Carlos in disbelief as tears rolled one by one from my eyes. "There are three things wrong with your theory," I started in a shaky, broken, whispering tone. "One: Logan is straight. Two: Even if he liked guys at all, he'd never see his shaggy blond-haired, pathetic little brother as anything more than just that – a little brother. And three: He doesn't even know that I'm gay."

Tears gave into gravity by the millions, blurring my vision and staining my face. Carlos put his other hand on my other shoulder before pulling me into a hug. "You have to start somewhere, bro," he simply stated before walking away slowly, shooting daggers at Logan, and tirelessly searching for James.

No matter how much the relentless tears obstructed my vision, I could still make out Logan's perfectly defined body rising from his favorite poolside chair and those gymnast legs of his carrying that angel toward me. But he was the last person I wanted to talk to right now, because if I did talk to him, my words would overflow from my heart and spew out of my mouth as one jumbled, rambling, entirely too honest, chaotic, pathetic attempt at words.

So I sprinted toward our room, plowing through the concerned calls of Jo, Camille, Stephanie, Lucy, Guitar Dude, and even the Jennifers. Because they knew that I was Kendall Knight – fearless leader of the four boys on and off the ice. And they knew that Kendall Knight never cried.

But the thought of Logan brought out a side of me that I never knew existed.

**Let me know what you think! I'm going to post one more chapter, and then I'll continue if you guys like it :)  
><strong>


	2. The Concerned Big Brother

**Okay, so here's the second chapter. This is in Logan's P.O.V. If you guys like this enough for me to continue, I'll probably go back and forth between Kendall and Logan P.O.V. a lot...And maybe throw in a few more. It just depends. I don't really like this story very much - it's not my best work - but it is only the beginning, and I need to hear from you guys because I've always been my worst critic. Enjoy! If you can...**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Big Time Rush, nor do I own "You're Not Alone" that Kendall sings later in this chapter...Though I wouldn't mind owning Kendall ;) haha**

For some reason, my medical book, the Palmwoods pool, and my favorite poolside chair had been losing their luster. I found Kendall's unique green eyes much more brilliant and alluring. But I didn't know why. I just shrugged it off, assuring myself that those eyes could make even the straightest guy swoon. I'd even seen Carlos and James lose themselves in them, even though it was completely obvious to everyone but each other that they only had eyes for each other. And I could swear on my life that Jett only hates Kendall because those emeralds make Jett question his sexuality, even if only for a fleeting millisecond.

And that shaggy, side-swept golden hair that contrasted greatly with his fluffy eyebrows did nothing to diminish the brilliance of those jade orbs – it merely enhanced them.

But anyone that looked at Kendall would agree that he was attractive, even if Kendall himself didn't think so. His tall, slender, hockey-trained body only confirmed that.

But just because I found my best friend – and practically my little brother – attractive, that didn't make me gay. Logan Mitchell is not gay.

After Carlos moved from his crouching position by Kendall, I felt a strange sensation of heartbreak when tear-filled glistening emeralds found my dull-in-comparison hazel ones…As if my eyes were the moon, and his were the stars that were arguably much more entrancing and beautiful.

My little Kendall was crying, and I needed to know why. Kendall Knight did not cry.

So I started to rise from my favorite chair, threw my medical book aside, and never let my eyes fall from Kendall's hurt, tear-stained face. Just as I took one step toward my goal, Kendall gave me one last look – a look that killed me – and sprinted away. Probably to our shared room to play his guitar and write a new song as he always seemed to do when he was upset or angry.

Against my better judgment, knowing Kendall well enough to know that he would want to be left alone, I ran toward our room. I needed to know why my best friend was so upset, and why he had been so distant over the last few days. It pained me and angered me to know that something on this Earth – in this universe – pushed my strong, fearless best friend to tears.

"Logan!" Camille called desperately after me before I entered the elevator. But I needed to know why Kendall – why MY little Kendall – had been hurting. So I rapidly and repeatedly pushed the "close doors" button, willing it to hurry so I could get to Kendall quicker. When the doors finally closed, they closed on a concerned Camille and a jittery Jo.

Of course Kendall had locked the door behind him, and I knew it was useless to try to convince him to let me in, so I slumped against the old cherry wood door that separated me from my hurting best friend, and pulled roughly at my dark hair in frustration and defeat.

At least until I heard the most beautiful sound in the world. I wasn't sure what it was – maybe Kendall had his iPod dock blaring. But when I pressed my ear impossibly closer to the door behind me, I realized Kendall was singing and playing that old guitar of his. I had never heard such passion, such pain, and such – love maybe? – in his voice as his lips gave way to words that were unfamiliar to me:

_I bet you didn't notice,_

_First time your heart was broken,_

_You called me up and we talked til the morning._

I heard a smile creep to his lips at about the same time that a smile forced itself onto mine.

As he sang those words, I couldn't help but think back to sixth grade.

I had been dating our friend, Catalina, for a few months. She had long, silky blonde hair and beautiful green eyes. It wasn't until I thought of the source of the voice behind this door that I realized her eyes had never been as beautiful as Kendall's.

_Logan,__I__ know__ Kendall__ has__ this__ damn __Knight__ charm,__ but__ you__ are __straight__ and __he__ is__ your __little __brother,__so__ snap__ out __of __this!_ I thought to myself, and then went back to memory lane.

Catalina and I spent so much time together – so much, in fact, that Kendall and I had drifted apart. I was so head over heels in love with her – or so I thought – and didn't even spare a thought for my fading friendship with the boy I had been inseparable with since we were in diapers.

When she broke up with me for James, not only was I hurt that James took her from me, but also that she left me for him. James and I were supposed to be friends, and yet he stole Catalina from me. I had never felt so upset in my pre-teen life.

So I called Kendall. And he listened and tried to calm me down the best way he could. He would have come to my house had he not been in Kansas visiting his grandparents. But I felt so much better talking to him. We talked until the crack of dawn, and I was smiling and laughing again, almost forgetting who Catalina even was.

My thoughts were interrupted as I heard the next words escape from the keyhole of the door that shielded Kendall from me.

_And the time that you were stranded,_

_I was there before you landed._

_He was a no-show and I made sure you got home._

I couldn't help but smile again as my mind diverged on another path on Memory Lane.

It was junior year this time, and Christmas break was drawing to a close. I was on a flight back from Texas where my mother and I had been visiting her parents. Carlos had sworn up and down that he would pick me from the airport because my mother wanted to stay behind in Texas longer, but I had to return to school the next day, so I went back to Minnesota alone.

I called Carlos, making sure he remembered to get me from the airport. I would be landing in an hour.

Carlos informed me that he was with James and they had no way of coming to the airport to get me because James's parents had their car.

Frustrated, I hung up the phone and called Kendall.

When I arrived at the airport, Kendall was impatiently pacing back and forth, his beanie-clad blond locks falling into his downcast emerald eyes.

He informed me that he had been waiting for a half hour and was worried because the plane should have arrived fifteen minutes ago.

Once again, Kendall's voice shook me from my thoughts.

_And I've been right there for every minute._

_This time is no different._

_Whatever happens you should know that you're not alone, oh._

_Look over your shoulder._

_You don't have to wonder cause you know, you know, you know that you're not alone, oh._

_I'll be there to hold you._

_I'll stay til it's over._

_Cause you know, you know, you know that you're not alone._

And then I realized that Kendall had been right. He'd always been there for me. That was one of the reasons we were best friends. We were there for each other through everything for as long as we'd known each other. So I needed to break down that door and be there for him.

When the strumming and singing ceased, I slowly rose, took a deep breath, and pounded on the obstacle I would have to overcome to be there for my best friend.

"Kendall? Can you please let me in? It's Logan. Are you okay? This is my room too, you know, so you have to let me in eventually."

I couldn't help but be surprised at the quickness in which the lock was unhitching and that obstacle slowly cracking to reveal disheveled blond locks falling into dimmed emeralds with tears still relentlessly breaking the floodgates that my best friend had tried so hard to build up.

And I had never felt so heartbroken in my life than I did when I saw his hurt, tear-stained face. Not when Catalina left me for James. Not when Carlos forgot all about me at the airport.

Not until this moment when jade orbs pleaded with me to understand. To hold the owner of them. To love the owner of them.

Even if it was just as a brother.

**I hope you enjoyed that at least a little bit. Don't be afraid to be brutally honest with me...I promise I'll be okay :)**


	3. You don't know it's you that kills me

**Thank you SOOOO much for the feedback from btrlover21,** **Rhett9, klolo8, bigtimerushfangirlamy, DoctorWhoFan9, and Cap't Mo****! I couldn't love you guys more for your reviews :) And because you all seem to be in agreement, this is the more to come :) It's not much, but it's what I've got so far until I really decide where I want to go with this. Also, thank you to those of you who did not review, but added this fanfic to your story alerts or favorite stories. It means a lot to me! I hope I don't let you all down with this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: No, Big Time Rush is still not in my possession :( But that won't stop me from trying! Here I come, Kendall my love!**

Yes, Logan was the last person I wanted to see for fear that I wouldn't be able to control myself and I would just grab him and kiss him. But he was also the only person I wanted to see. Because I knew he would comfort me and try to make me feel better. And if someone had to see me breaking down, I wouldn't want it to be anyone other than Logan.

As I slowly opened the door revealing more and more of the concerned angel that it concealed, I felt tears picking up their pace and racing down my face more than they already had been.

"Kendall? What's wrong? What happened?" that musical voice began as I left the door only half open and collapsed on Logan's bed, face down in his sapphire blankets, taking in the scent of almonds, cocoa butter, and something that was specifically Logan. I almost lost myself in that intoxicating scent, almost forgetting that the owner of it was standing confusedly in the doorway.

I fisted the covers and tried to muffle the sobs escaping my lips. _Why__ am__ I__ such __a __baby?__ Why__ does __Logan __even__ care__ what__'__s__ wrong __with __me?__ I__'__m__ acting__ like__ a __pathetic,__ selfish__ little__ baby__ right__ now. __It__'__s__ hard__ to__ believe__ that__ I__'__m__ a__ "__strong,__ fearless __leader__" __with __this __little __scene __I__'__m __putting__ on!_

"Kendall." I heard the soft, soothing, musical tenor voice of the object of my affection saturated in concern just as I felt the far side of the bed dip under the weight of him.

I felt a strong hand on my back, rubbing it as if I were a little child that just lost his favorite toy.

"Please look at me, Kendall. I hate seeing you like this. You have to tell me what's wrong or else it will drive me insane if I don't know. Please, Kendy?"

My head shot up at the sound of my childhood nickname that Logan had given me. He hadn't called me that in years. My watery eyes met hurt, concerned brownie-hued ones. _Why__ does__ he__ look __so __upset?_

I didn't say a word. I just cuddled up in Logan's lap and cried, soaking his favorite green t-shirt. But I didn't care. And Logan didn't seem to care either.

He ran his fingers through my disheveled hair, shushing me, rubbing my back, and whispering sweetly to me, as if I were his little brother. But then I realized that to him, I was his little brother. And my heart broke just a little more.

I felt a trembling hand lift my chin, forcing me to look into glistening hazel eyes. _Why __is__ Logan __crying?__ I__'__m __the __baby__ here,__ not __him._

"Kendall," he whispered, his lips barely parting to let the words escape. "Please talk to me."

I sighed dejectedly, knowing there was no way I could tell him what was bothering me. There was no way he could know I loved him. He would never speak to me again if he knew that.

_What __do__ I__ say?__ Should __I__ tell__ him__ that__ I__'__m__ gay? __No,__ then __he __would __know__ that __I__ was __in __love __with__ him._ But I couldn't hold back anymore.

"Logie," I began, my voice barely breaking into the realm of sound using the childhood nickname I had given him. "You have to promise that you won't hate me and that nothing will change between us," I continued, but still in a barely audible tone.

His beautiful eyes widened and his grip on me tightened. As if he never wanted to let go. But I was sure my imagination was just taking this small form of comfort and running with it.

"I could never hate you, Kendy," he said, his tone almost matching the incredulous look on his face. "What's wrong?"

After a silence that seemed to drag on forever, I finally let the words escape from my heart to his ears.

"Logie, I'm gay."

I thought he would throw me off his lap, run out the door, and slam it behind him. I thought I would hear a never-ending string of curses pass those velvet lips. I thought he would yell at me, and look at me as if I were disgusting.

But he didn't do any of that.

He simply pulled me closer to him and hugged me with all his strength. And I was confused beyond belief. Not that I was complaining at the intimate contact.

"Oh, Kendall, is that all? That's not a big deal! Why would I hate you for that? Love knows no limitations, and if it's men that make you happy, then damn – we'll find you a good one. Because you deserve to be happy. But he has to be smaller than me so I can beat him up if he hurts you." He smiled that sexy, lopsided smile and my frozen face broke into a small smirk, more a twitch of the lips than anything else.

His response confused me even more. And it also disappointed me. For some reason, I guess I had been hoping that he would say he was gay too, and that he had always loved me. But I knew that was the point in which my imagination ran wild with our embrace and his comforting touches. They meant more to me than a big brother comforting his little brother. But how could I possibly think they meant more to him?

I smiled a small smile though, happy that he accepted me and would hurt whoever hurt me. But I could never let him know that it was him that was hurting me. Him whose beautiful chocolate eyes broke my heart whenever they looked at a girl with a hint of interest. Him whose sexy, lopsided smile put butterflies in my stomach, but automatically shot them dead when he ruffled my hair like I was a child.

"You don't look any better though, Kendall. Are you sure that's all you wanted to tell me?"

_No. I love you with all of my pathetic little heart. I always have and I always will. And right now I would love to just close the short distance between our lips and kiss you because your lips look so damn intriguing right now, but I can't because you would never speak to me again, and that would kill me more than rejection ever could._

"Yeah, I'm sure. That was just a big step for me to tell you that," I said, attempting to shrug off my incessant, inappropriate thoughts about the brunette demigod cradling me in his arms.

He smiled a wide, warm smile that made me melt even more when it reached his eyes.

"I'm really glad you told me that, Kendall. There should never be secrets between us because we're best friends, and your my little brother," he said, shifting from underneath me, making my breath hitch when his hand, once entangled in my hair, slowly dropped and grazed the back of the most sensitive part of my neck.

I moved off of him, regrettably, and slowly made my way to the bathroom. I needed a hot, steaming shower to get my thoughts off of the idea of laying Logan down on his now messy bed, messing it up even more, and kissing him as if it were the last thing I would ever do.

"Yeah," I began, not sure what to say. My eyes couldn't meet his though. My back was still turned because a few stray tears must not have gotten the memo that they were no longer welcome. "I'm gonna get a shower. I'm all depressing and pathetic right now," I attempted, trying to lighten my mood if even just a little.

Logan let out a chuckle – a beautiful, erotic sound – and the tone that followed did little justice to my hormones.

"Okay, Kendy. We'll talk more when you get out of the bathroom." And he walked out of the room, giving me my privacy. And as much as I hated to see him go, I had to admit that I loved to watch him leave. And it did nothing more for my already raging male hormones when he turned and winked at me before closing the door behind him.

**I hope you guys liked that :) I promise it'll get better...It can't get much worse haha. I'm always up for constructive criticism, but positive things are nice too and make me do Kendall-like happy dances :)**


	4. Jumping to conclusions

**Thank you so much to my reviewers for this story: Rhett9, DoctorWhoFan9, btrlover21, OnTheFlipSide, Kendalls Logiebear, Cap't Mo, bigtimerushfangirlamy, and klolo8. I LOVE you guys so much for standing by and patiently waiting for updates :) Also to those who favorited and story alerted, THANK YOU!**

**So here is the next update...This is the epitome of dramatic irony - all of you lovely readers know something that Logan does not, and that is only going to prove more true with this chapter :) I hope you guys enjoy it :D**

**Disclaimer: I still haven't attained the guys of Big Time** **Rush, but I won't give up! 3**

I pulled the door shut silently behind me only to turn my head from the doorknob to meet Carlos's concerned gaze. I wondered if Carlos knew that Kendall was gay. I know that recently those two have been spending more time together, and I know that Carlos has at least some interest in guys. Even if he's never said anything about it, it's obvious in the way he looks at our tall, "pretty" friend, James.

But I just viewed him as a straight guy with James tendencies because he still loved scouting for beautiful ladies by the pool.

I felt something shoot through me, like a poison, but I couldn't put my finger on what that feeling was. The only thought that ran through my head is, "What if Carlos has Kendall tendencies too?" And for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why that thought made me suddenly clench my fists.

"Logan," Carlos started, his concerned and confused brown eyes moving from my stiffening face to my now-whitening knuckles. "Did Kendall tell you?"

The only sound that interrupted the tension-laced silence was the sound of the shower on the other side of the door that I had just recently closed.

But that's when I knew there was more that Kendall wasn't telling me…because he wasn't singing while he took his shower.

"Did Kendall tell me what?" I asked through clenched teeth, for a fleeting second thinking that they may crumble like sand if I added any more pressure to them.

_Why am I getting so angry with Carlos? This is Carlos…no one gets mad at him…_

"N-n-nothing." Unfortunately for the frightened Latino in front of me, his stutter chose this fateful moment to infiltrate his already nervous tone. That's when my mind started racing with the speed of light.

Kendall had just poured his heart out to me and told me that he was gay. I knew that Carlos was at least slightly interested in guys. And Kendall and Carlos had been so inseparable lately.

_Are__ Kendall __and__ Carlos__…__together?_

I felt my jaw drop at that thought. Then I felt that previous feeling swell in my now-boiling blood. It could only be pinpointed as jealousy.

But why would I be jealous of Carlos's relationship with Kendall? They were my brothers, and Kendall had always been closer to me than Carlos or James.

"It's nothing," Carlos answered with a little more control to his tone, but his voice was now directed to the floor where his usually excited brown eyes had suddenly found his feet extremely interesting.

"Don't lie to me!" I exclaimed, making Carlos's head snap up and fear fill his eyes as my now harsh voice elevated to levels I had only ever let it reach when someone had hurt Kendall and I was giving them a piece of my mind. It didn't seem appropriate here, but I didn't care as I continued. "Plus, you're a terrible liar!"

My eyes were becoming watery with anger and…was it hurt?

_Why am I so angry? Why do I feel like someone just ripped my heart out?_

"Logan, stop yelling at me! It's not my fault that Kendall is keeping secrets from you!"

"You're keeping secrets from me too! Why can't you just tell me that you and Kendall are together? And to think that I was so convinced you loved James! But no – it had to be my Kendall! I thought we told each other everything!"

I stormed toward the door. I needed to get away. I didn't know where to, but I also didn't know why I felt more hurt than angered. And I certainly didn't know why I felt so jealous.

_I love Carlos and I love Kendall – they're my brothers. But I can't believe they kept this from me. Especially Kendall! But if they break up, Carlos better know damn well that I'll take Kendall's side every time. Because he's Kendall. He's MY Kendall! He was mine first! If he was going to date any of us, why wasn't it me?_

I mentally slapped myself as soon as my brain made that thought existent. I'm not gay! And I'm perfectly okay with the fact that Kendall is. But why did he pick Carlos?

Then I mentally slapped myself again before taking a seat on the roof of the Palmwoods – my thinking spot. Kendall had shown it to me, and whenever either of us needed to think, this is the first place we came to. To this chilly wooden bench that overlooked L.A.

If Kendall and Carlos are happy together, then I should be happy for them. Why was I being such a bitch about it? If anyone deserved to be happy, it was Kendall. If anyone deserved love, it was Kendall.

But why was I feeling jealous?

And why didn't Kendall tell me that after he told me that he was gay? He tells me everything!

For a split second, hate toward Carlos flooded my body that was now trembling with sobs.

But why?

I hugged my knees tight to my chest and buried my face in my shaking hands. I closed my eyes, attempting to calm myself so I could go apologize for my outburst.

Then I thought of James. Does he know? Could I have been the only one that didn't? I made a mental note to confront him later. If he didn't already know, he had a right to. And if I had to be the one to break the news, I would.

But then my mind went back to Kendall. His tear-filled, glistening emerald eyes scarred the back of my mind. His disheveled appearance made my heart break slightly. The feel of his soft golden locks under my fingers overloaded my senses. The scent of him – apricot maybe? – and something that belonged only to him filled my nostrils.

Why was I thinking of Kendall this way? He's my little brother!

Isn't he?

**Oh no, Logan thinks there's some Kenlos going on! What's gonna happen next? I know, but you guys will not until I update :) I apologize, but I hope you like this so far :D**

**SPOILER ALERT: This isn't a Kenlos story...I don't write those haha :D**


	5. A Slip of the Tongue

**A giant, enormous THANK YOU to all of my reviewers of the last chapter: Rhett9, itrymybest, OnTheFlipSide, btrlover21, and rainy dayz and silver dreams**. **I love you guys dearly for reviewing, and for those story alerting and favoriting, THANK YOU! I love you guys too :)**

**Here is an update for you guys! And if you're lucky, maybe you'll get another sometime today :) I hope you enjoy :) (And in case you are getting confused, which I hope not!, this is Kendall's P.O.V.)**

**Disclaimer: I still have not found a way to own BTR...But I did ask Santa for Kendall! :D haha**

"Carlos! What in the world happened out here? Why was Logan yelling at you?" I asked the confused and frozen Latino that had been revealed when I opened my bedroom door. As soon as I heard Logan yelling, I had cut off the shower and quickly wrapped a towel around my waist so I could go see what was going on.

It frightened me when I heard such a threatening, and almost hurt, tone escape those velvet lips that I had often dreamed of kissing.

"I – I don't really know what just happened," Carlos replied in a tone laden with confusion. "What did you tell Logan? I came up to see if you were all right after I noticed you weren't in your chair by the pool anymore, and that's when I saw Logan leaving your room. He freaked out at seeing me outside your door and ran off."

"Why would he freak out? What did he say to you?" I asked, even more confused than previously.

People don't get mad at Carlos, and Logan doesn't freak out unless one of his friends are being hurt or he wants to read his book and we're being too loud with our video games. Or if he's jealous. He got angry a lot back in sixth grade because he was jealous of the time Catalina had been spending with James. But what could he possibly be jealous of now?

"All I know is he looked at me, gave me a strange look, and then got really angry. He thinks you and I are together. So you obviously didn't tell him that you are head over heels for him. He muttered something about thinking that I loved James, and that we should have told him we were dating, and slammed the door behind him."

I felt my jaw drop and was surprised to find that it was still attached to the rest of my face.

_Why would Logan think that Carlos and I are together? And why would he be mad about it if it were true? He's usually happy as long as his friends are happy..._

"All I told him was that I was gay! Why would he automatically assume that you and I were together? And you do love James, but I didn't tell him that. I was keeping it a secret since you were keeping it a secret that I loved him! And what makes even less sense – why would he get so mad at the idea of you and I together? That doesn't sound very Logan-like to me."

Carlos just shrugged his shoulders letting me know that he was just as clueless and confused as I was. Yeah, Carlos and I had been spending a lot of time together lately, but that was because he knew I loved Logan and I knew he loved James and we were each others' listening ear. Because he is my big brother.

"Maybe you should go talk to him, dude," Carlos began before turning toward the hallway that led to his and James's room. "If he's going to talk to anyone, or if anyone is going to calm him, it's gonna be you." Carlos patted my shoulder with a small smile and slowly walked down the hallway.

I didn't waste any time. I knew where Logan would be. He would be in the spot that I showed him shortly after we first arrived at the Palmwoods. That was our thinking spot.

I bolted out the door toward the roof of the Palmwoods, not even realizing that I was still clad in only the towel around my waist until I got numerous strange looks and wolf whistles from various passersby. But at that point, the only thing that mattered to me was getting to Logan. And keeping the towel up as I ran.

When I slowly opened the door to "Palmwoods roof access," I was hit with an overwhelming breath of fresh air. The sun was setting, making the sky look almost like blue and pink cotton candy. There was a single star overhead, but that was the only star you ever saw in L.A. because the city lights dominated the stars' realm.

And then my wandering eyes found Logan with his knees pulled to his chest and his head resting on crossed arms on that old bench that looked so out of place on the roof.

"Logan?" I inquired in a small voice as I tiptoed toward him, fearful that he may possibly be asleep and trying not to wake him if that were the case.

It didn't matter how hushed my voice was, or how loudly the wind howled from our spot on the roof. Logan's head shot up at the sound of my voice. He turned to look behind him, and as soon as he laid those beautiful chocolate eyes on my post-shower appearance, that sexy, lopsided smirk broke out on his angelic face.

"Kendall? Why are you in a towel on the roof and out of breath?"

I knew my cheeks had to match the red that was now dissipating in the sky.

"I heard you yelling, and then I saw Carlos, and he said you freaked out and ran away, and I wanted to come find you and see if you were okay," I began in a voice so quiet that I was surprised he heard it, but the look in those captivating eyes told me he had.

"Yeah, I'll be fine, Kendy," he began, winking when he used that childhood nickname yet again. He patted the empty spot on the bench next to him, inviting me to sit with him, and no matter how embarrassed I was to be in nothing but a towel in front of the most beautiful man in the world, on a roof, with my face the color of Little Red Riding Hood's cape, I moved to sit next to him.

"So, what happened? Why did you get so angry at Carlos?" I began, finding my folded hands in my lap to be extremely interesting while I awaited his reply. I already heard what happened from Carlos, but I wanted to hear his side of the story. And I had to set him straight and tell him that I was NOT in fact dating our older Latino friend. That would be extremely awkward. Because Carlos is my brother, and he loves James.

"I don't really know," he began. When I shifted my eyes to look at him, those alluring eyes of his had found his shoes just about as interesting as I had previously found my hands. The honesty in his tone was enough to melt me and break my heart all at the same time, but I did my best to maintain my composure.

I waited for him to continue. I knew there would be more to what he was trying to say. If there was one thing I was entirely positive of, it was that Logan ALWAYS knew why he reacted to things the way he did. Even if he needed to think about it first. I was just waiting for him to elaborate, unless he really couldn't.

He looked me dead in the eyes and moved a trembling hand to my bare shoulder. When I shivered at the contact and the jolt of electricity that boosted my already pounding heartbeat, he must of mistaken it for a shiver from the cold. He pulled off his cardigan and wrapped it around my shoulders before chuckling and saying, "You could have at least put on some clothes before finding me. I wasn't going anywhere."

With our eyes still locked, he bit his lip, which told me he wanted to say more and was still searching for the right words. It was a habit of his that I had picked up on in second grade.

"Look, Kendall, I guess I was just surprised to find out that you and Carlos were together. I could've sworn that he was in love with James. And I was upset that you didn't tell me when we were talking. But I've thought long and hard about it, and if Carlos is the man that makes you happy, then so be it. He's easy to beat up if he hurts you," he continued, winking again and letting another grin spread across his face. But it wasn't as bright as every other grin. And I couldn't help but wonder why.

When I burst out laughing, Logan's face grew incredulous. I almost felt like a terrible person for laughing when he seemed so confused, and possibly hurt, but the thought of me dating my Latino big brother was hilarious to me. And Logan looked so damn adorable when he was confused. Logan couldn't possibly think that Carlos would be my type, could he? Not that Carlos isn't attractive and all…But I'm in love with HIM – not Carlos.

"Logan," I began between fits of laughter. When he turned his head away quickly as an unmistakable look of hurt danced across his features, I stopped. I really was being a horrible person.

But why did Logan look so hurt? I don't understand what he could be hurt about...

I had to tell him the truth now, before he started hating me for laughing at such an inappropriate time.

"Carlos and I are certainly NOT dating! Carlos is like my big brother…that would be completely awkward for the both of us. We're both in love with someone else, anyway."

And then I froze. Any ounce of humor that I had found in Logan's assumption immediately melted away. Any hint of a smile on my face or a laugh in my tone had suddenly dissipated.

Had I really just told Logan that I was in love with someone else? Now he's going to want to know who! Especially after how quickly my face had frozen after I said it.

_Why am I so stupid?_

**Oh no! Kendall had a slip up! What happens next? You'll have to wait for my next update to see! I hope you like this so far :)**

**Love you guys! And let me know how much more you want me to write with this story...Cause I could easily end it soon, or I could drag it out...Let me know!**


	6. A Jolt of Electricity

**Another update in the same day :) Look at me go! I guess you could say that this update was inspired by Rhett9's almost immediate review to the last time I updated today...Thank you so much! :) I hope you guys enjoy this as much as you seem to be enjoying the rest of this fanfic :) I'm just so worried that I'm going to start disappointing people! :/ Especially with this chapter...It's not my best :/ But I hope you guys enjoy it all the same :)**

**Disclaimer: Santa still hasn't confirmed that I will be getting Kendall for Christmas, so I still do not own BTR :( But there's still time! haha**

As soon as Kendall had said that he and Carlos weren't dating, I immediately felt like a hundred bricks had been lifted from my heart. _Why __am __I __so __relieved?_

But that thought was completely pushed aside when he said, "We're both in love with someone else, anyway."

Carlos being in love with someone else didn't surprise me. Kendall's words just confirmed my belief that he loved James. I'd have to study James's reaction to Carlos's obvious affection the next time they interacted. They would be such a good couple.

But who was Kendall in love with? The boy who rarely ever lets his guard down is falling in love?

As soon as his brightened face dimmed and he completely froze, I knew he was regretting saying that.

_Who is making the most stubborn guy on the planet fall in love?_

_And why do I want to know so badly?_

"Well, it's obvious to me that Carlos is head over heels in love with James. He doesn't need to say a word about it. But who could Kendall Knight possibly be in love with?" I asked while nudging him in the side. I tried to ignore that feeling I always got when Kendall and I touched each other.

I saw his emeralds become clouded by panic. He had to know I would ask him that. But why was he so afraid to tell me? He tells me everything.

"It's-uh-it's no one," he stuttered in a pitch higher than his usual tone, which told me that he was nervous. It was a habit of his I picked up on in third grade.

He got up to walk away, but I caught him by the arm. I wasn't letting him go until I found out who made my strong best friend stutter and blush like a little schoolgirl.

"Come on, Kendy, I've known you since Kindergarten. I know you better than that. You tell me everything. Who's the lucky guy?"

I really wanted him to open up and tell me. And when he looked at me with those damn jade eyes, I felt a flutter in my heart, almost as if I wanted him to say me.

_But why would I want him to say me? And why am I so hopeful that he will? I'm straight! And Kendall is my little brother…Why do I have to keep reminding myself that?_

"It's…It's not important. He doesn't see me the way I see him," he replied. I hadn't expected to hear that, but I had also never heard Kendall so defeated and upset about something like this. Especially when he told me in middle school that love was too complicated for him and he would never try to figure out what it was.

I opened my mouth to say something, hoping I could raise his spirits and bring light back into his beautiful green eyes, but he shocked me by continuing.

"This guy is the sweetest, most beautiful, most amazing guy in the world. He would never spare a second glance at someone that looks like me, with my too-tall, not-muscular-enough-to-be-a-hockey-player stature and my caterpillar eyebrows and my stupid, crooked grin. Even if he was interested in guys at all, I wouldn't be on his list."

And the leader of Big Time Rush, one of the strongest people I have ever known, broke down.

It was so painful to see tears fall from those vibrant green eyes because for as long as I'd known Kendall, he rarely ever cried, and when he did, you knew he had to be hurting terribly. And he had done it twice already today.

It was even more painful to hear those words escape his lips. Kendall had never been known for his abundant self-esteem, but he had always been happy with who he was. He had always been the number one "be yourself and love it" shipper.

I felt anger swell in my entire being at the idea of some guy not seeing how perfect and amazing and wonderful Kendall is. I wrapped my arms around him as tightly as I could, pulling him into my lap, as if my embrace could hold him together, and as if the soothing words I whispered in his ear would reassure him that he was probably too good for that guy.

I held him, slowly rubbed his back, and wiped away unwelcome tears until his chest rose and fell in a consistent, sleep-filled pattern, which was about the same time that the sky had been lit only by the bright city lights of L.A. I brushed away any stray tears that still managed to escape his brilliant closed eyes long after he had been asleep.

I carried him down from the roof back to our apartment and laid him down on his blue and green plaid bed. I chuckled as I pulled his favorite fuzzy blue blanket up around him at the sight of him peacefully sleeping in my cardigan and a towel.

But I never expected myself to brush his golden locks off his forehead and brush my lips against it.

And I certainly never intended on the bolt of lightning that ignited my heart rate when I did.

**Logan is starting to realize that he's feeling something! :) There will be more to come if you guys like :)  
><strong>

**Reviews make me as happy as Logan was when he got to go to the Venus exhibit :D I hope you guys are enjoying!**


	7. Unrequited Love vs Rejection

**Thank you so much to reviewers from the last chapter: Cap't Mo, btrlover21, shogoki17, and MrBadMediaKarma****. Only four for that chapter, but that's okay because I've had reviews for the other ones :) I love my reviewers SO MUCH. But I also love my story alerters and favorite story alerters :D Thank you all so much!  
><strong>**So I really hope you guys enjoy this chapter. It's not really that great, in my opinion, but it's something :) It's got more Jarlos than Kogan, but it's still got Kogan (of course). And it's really the first chapter that you guys actually see James. I apologize for that, but James has always been present - just not overtly. This is Kendall's POV :) And I apologize that this update isn't as quick as I would've liked it to be, but I hope you guys still like it :)**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own BTR, unless you count the fact that Kendall and I are married in my imagination :)**

When I opened my eyes again, the room was shadowed in a dark gray. There was no single star overhead, no city lights, and no arms around me. I was surprised to find myself all tucked in bed. But I was even more surprised to find myself still in Logan's cardigan and a towel. I blushed at my lack of clothing, and quickly glanced in the direction of Logan's bed to the left of mine, hoping that he was peacefully asleep.

The last thing I remembered was Logan holding me and comforting me on the roof as I told him about the guy I loved, and how that guy would never love me back. Without mentioning names, of course. So how I ended up in bed with my blankets all wrapped around me baffled me for a brief moment.

But as I looked to the curled lump on Logan's bed, I smiled a smile that the Cheshire cat would envy. I could have sworn that Logan was an angel that had rolled off of his bed in Heaven and floated ever so gracefully to the bed next to mine where he was currently lying. It didn't matter if that defied every law of physics, or everything that everyone had ever known. Because this was Logan. And merely his existence turned everything in my world upside down.

Before I could process what my legs were doing, I was crouched at his side, stroking his cheek, and brushing my lips ever so lightly on the warm, velvet cheek that my fingers had just mapped out.

And I felt my heart leap when it seemed like his already upturned mouth had twitched upward just a bit more after the contact.

But I must have been imagining things, because that would never happen.

I quickly but silently changed into my PJs even though the clock flashed 5:03 am in aquamarine numbers, suddenly feeling even more embarrassed at my scantily clad body, even if my only witness was a sleeping demigod.

I gathered up my old guitar and tiptoed out into the living room, ever so gently clicking the door behind me so as to not disturb the brunette Sleeping Beauty on the other side.

But I jumped when I turned my head and saw the TV on, obviously muted, for no sound came from it.

And then my attention turned to a very content Carlos sleeping with his head in James's lap while James intertwined his long, slender fingers in the naturally messy, usually helmet clad, raven hair. I smiled at the sight, hoping that maybe Carlos had finally said something to James. My imagination briefly replaced Carlos's sleeping figure with my own, and James's with Logan, and I smiled even wider. But that happy thought was chased away by the soft tenor tone of my tall, brunette friend.

"Hey Kendall," he whispered when he saw me, a huge smile adorning his lips. I couldn't help but smile back at the scene unfolding before me.

"Hey James," I whispered back, still smiling like a fool, hoping that I would see more of what I was now seeing. Because Carlos deserved it. He'd been pining away after James for as long as I had been pining away after Logan. At least one of us deserved to have a dream come true. And since mine so obviously never would, I was happy that Carlos's was.

"So…?" I inquired, moving my eyes from the beaming James, to the sleeping Carlos, and back to James.

James chuckled a barely audible chuckle.

"We were watching TV, and then a sleeping Carlos collapsed onto my lap. And I don't know if you know this, but our Carlitos talks in his sleep. He had a giant smile on his face and said, 'I love you too, Jamesy.' And that is where we are right now."

I couldn't suppress the loud "awww" that followed James statement. It was just too cute. And I couldn't hold back the giant smirk that decided to make its way to my face when James's naturally rosy cheeks turned an even darker shade.

"I had no idea he felt that way. But tomorrow he is going to find out that I've felt the same way for years."

I smiled yet again. "Then you must be practically blind because this boy has been so obviously in love with you since he met you," I said with a chuckle.

I was so happy that James and Carlos would finally be together. But then my smile slowly dissipated as I thought of how that would never happen with Logan and I. We would always remain good friends, unless my 'I love you' slipped from my heart, because then he would never speak to me again.

James, being almost as observant as Carlos, automatically picked up on my quick change of countenance.

"What's wrong, dude?" he inquired, his once sparkling hazel eyes now shadowed by a sliver of concern.

"It's nothing," I answered, though I was lying through my teeth. And James no doubtedly picked up on that.

"Seriously, Kendall, I basically just told you that I'm bi and that I've been in love with Carlos for years, and you were overjoyed. But all of a sudden, there's a tear threatening to fall. So what's up? No lies this time."

I sighed dejectedly, which must have been the green light for that threatening tear to slip and trickle down my cheek. For the third frickin time today. _I__'__m__ such__ a__ baby! __I__ hate __it!__ And __Logan __has __seen__ me __cry__ twice __already.__ I__'__m__ sure__ he__'__s __really__ annoyed__ with__ me__ by__ now..._

"James," I began in a small voice that may as well have come from a small child who got nothing but a pair of socks for Christmas. But if I was gonna tell him, I needed to do it now. "I'm gay, and I'm in love with Logan. I have been since he and I became best friends. But I can't tell him that because he only thinks of me as his little brother, and he would never speak to me again if he knew. And unrequited love hurts just a little less than rejection."

A painful confession and a long silence later, James gave me the most serious look I'd ever seen his face create for as long as I'd known him. He untangled his fingers from Carlos's hair and placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Kendall," he began in a foreign, serious tone. "You may be just as blind as I have been with Carlos. Have you not seen the way Logan looks at you? And if he saw you as nothing more than a little brother, then why would he kiss your forehead after tucking you in?"

I looked at a now smirking James with an incredulous look. "What on Earth are you talking about, James? Has all that Cuda man spray gone to your brain and caused you to hallucinate?"

He chuckled before answering. "Kendall, last night, after carrying you – bridal style I might mention, with a giant goofy grin on his face – from the roof of the Palmwoods, to your bed, I saw Logan bend down, brush your hair off your forehead, and kiss it. And I didn't need to have the vision of a frickin hawk to see that love-struck look in his eyes after he did that. Why don't you talk to him?"

I didn't know what to say. I was completely speechless. Could James be right? Could Logan really think of me as more than a brother? That seemed damn near impossible, but James said he had seen it, and I wasn't one to question his judgment. He had a track record of being very reliable.

But just as soon as my heart flipped with hope, my mind wandered to when Logan and I were kids. Logan used to tuck me in and kiss my forehead all the time - _"Good night, Kendy," *brilliant smile, softly kiss forehead*_ - when he spent the night because he'd seen me do it to Katie numerous times and he thought it was the sibling thing to do. And he had always told me that I was the little brother he never had.

"So maybe he did kiss my forehead, James. I'm not doubting that. But I'm sure that supposed love-struck look was just a trick of the dim lighting. It had to be late when Logan carried me to bed, so the lighting couldn't have been very reliable. And when Logan and I were kids, he used to spend the night at my house all the time. Every time he did, he would always kiss my forehead and tuck me in because he'd seen me do that to Katie and he assumed it was the sibling thing to do. And he always informed me that I was his little brother. So that's all that was, James. The resurfacing of an old childhood routine. Nothing more. I could swear on my life that it was nothing more – that's how sure I am," I finished with a definite tone, though the profuse tears in my eyes may have taken away from the impact I had wanted it to have.

I picked up my guitar again, ignoring James's protests and his gaze, and retreated to the dining room. I could write a song in there just as well as I could in the living room or in my room, and right now, writing a song is all I wanted to do.

I needed to get my thoughts and emotions under control.

And I needed to get over my "big brother," Logan.

Because unrequited love really does hurt just a little less than rejection.

**Awe, Kendall :( So this chapter was kind of a filler, but it also shows just how completely convinced poor Kendall is that Logan could never love him. We shall see how Logan confirms and/or turns that mindset around :) Reviews are inspiring, but not mandatory :) I really hope I'm not disappointing you guys :/**


	8. Sleepless nights and rampant thoughts

**Thank you so much to my reviewers from the last chapter: btrlover, ****Rhett9, shogoki17, rainy dayz and silver dreams, poeticjustice13, Lonelygrl91, and itrymybest! I absolutely love you guys and I am so thankful to have such dedicated and great readers :) Also to my story alerters and favorite alerters, I love you guys too :)**

**So I wanted to update this like 2 days ago, but I just finished revising today. I hope you guys enjoy it.**

**And to clear up any possible confusion - this is Logan's P.O.V, but it's after he kissed Kendall on the forehead. I wanted to clear that up because with Kendall, I kind of moved forward, but with Logan, I want****ed to stay in that moment and elaborate on it...And you'll see why when you read :) I have a method to my madness! I just hope you guys don't hate me for doing that :/ I really hope you enjoy this chapter! Love you guys!**

**By the way, I still don't own BTR, or Kendall :(**

After that bolt of lightning had so taken over my body and left me utterly speechless, I slowly walked over to my bed. I needed to straighten out my confused emotions.

Looks like sleeping won't be much of an option tonight.

"_We're both in love with someone else anyway."_

"_He__ would __never __spare __a__ second __glance__ at __my __too-tall,_ _not-muscular-enough-to-be-a-hockey-player __stature __and __my __caterpillar __eyebrows__ and__ my__ stupid, __crooked__ grin.__" _

"_Even __if __he __was __interested__ in __guys __at__ all,__ I __wouldn__'__t__ be__ on __his __list_."

Kendall's words from the previous night still relentlessly played in my mind, as if they were stuck on repeat. I felt rage toward whatever boy couldn't see the amazingness that was Kendall, and sadness because of that lovely boy's lack of self-esteem.

When I looked to Kendall's bed at the sleeping, crumpled figure that inhabited it, I felt my heart skip a beat. He looked so impossibly peaceful, and even beautiful, in his sleep. But he also looked so vulnerable, which was both adorable and disturbing for my fearless, strong best friend.

I tossed and turned, fighting against my mind to let my body sleep. I was exhausted, but no matter how hard I tried to give into sleep, my thoughts always returned to Kendall's words.

But not just his words.

They also went to the lingering touches we shared, that jolt of electricity that I tried so hard to ignore every time we touched, and our embraces from the night before.

And then I realized something.

Kendall couldn't possibly be my little brother, because if he was, I wouldn't be thinking of him this way.

I wouldn't be thinking of how it would feel to kiss him and hold him and cuddle with him every night. How I would love to protect him and be by his side for the rest of our lives. How it would feel to intertwine my fingers with his, or entangle them in his silky goldenrod locks. How it would feel to casually pull him into my lap and kiss his neck, as if to show the whole world to see that he had always been mine.

And that's when I realized that I had feelings for my perfect height, defined, beautiful, fluffy eye-browed, adorably dimpled, emerald eyed best friend Kendall Knight.

But he was already in love with someone else. I realized my feelings too late. If Kendall loved someone else, he would never love me. And I had always told him that he was the little brother I had never had.

_Why am I so damn stupid? _

It doesn't matter if I've finally come to the realization that my affections toward my best friend have always been more than what I've pegged them as…I'm going to have to sit back and watch him hurt because this sad excuse for a human being that he is in love with will never be able to feel the way I feel about him.

My self-hatred and jealousy was interrupted when I heard Kendall stir. I cast a glance at the clock between our beds – 5:03 am.

_Wow, I've been so consumed by my thoughts and emotions – by Kendall – that I really didn't sleep last night._

But then, even that thought was interrupted when I saw Kendall slowly kick his covers off, even if his fantastic eyes were still shut. I smirked at the casual air to his actions before shutting my eyes, hoping that Kendall would think I was asleep. No matter how much I wanted to get up and tackle him and shower him with kisses and I love yous, something told me to just close my eyes and see what he did, and why he was getting up so early.

So I did.

After a few moments of silence, I heard his bed creak, letting me know that he was getting up. Kendall had never been known as an early riser, so this merely confused me.

But before I could allow myself to analyze why Kendall would be getting up at 5:03 in the morning, I felt warm, trembling fingers brush softly against my cheek.

_Oh my God…This can't be happening right now…Not that I'm complaining…But what is Kendall doing?_

It took every ounce of willpower I had not to open my eyes and stroke his cheek in return, or remove my hand from the blanket and envelope his.

I maintained my composure, thinking that he would just leave after that, and then I could safely open my eyes and contemplate what had just happened.

But he didn't.

Soon soft, warm, velvet lips were pressed lightly against my flushed cheek, sending an overwhelming feeling of euphoria through me.

And my small smile that had appeared when he brushed my cheek widened when that simple kiss sent my heart fluttering.

I was hoping that Kendall didn't notice the twitch of my lips or my exponential rise in heartbeat, and that the dimly lit room would shield my now burning cheeks.

When I heard his footsteps retreat to his side of the room again, I took a risk and opened one eye, partly so I could confirm that it was in fact Kendall that had just made me experience near-electrocution with that soft, simple kiss, and also so I could see just look at him.

He was rifling silently through his drawers before pulling out PJs. I had to suppress a laugh at his obvious embarrassment for still being in nothing but my cardigan and a towel.

He looked so damn adorable when he was flustered.

When I saw him shrug out of my cardigan, I knew I should have closed my eyes, but instead, I found myself studying his slender but perfect torso. I just wanted to cross the distance to him and wrap my arms around him. He was so beautiful...I didn't understand how he couldn't see that.

When his hands reached down to the towel, I forced myself to close my eyes. I mentally scolded myself for the eagerness to sneak a peek because I felt like if I would have, I would have lost all self-control and jumped that beautiful Greek god, but I also felt like I was somehow invading his privacy.

When I opened my eyes again, Kendall was quietly leaving the room with his old guitar in hand.

And that's when I slowly sat up and brought my hand to the cheek that Kendall had previously kissed.

And that's when I realized that I must have been the guy that I was so angry with for not accepting Kendall.

I was the guy that I wanted to murder for making Kendall cry.

I was the guy that I had proclaimed a sad excuse for a human being.

But more importantly, I was the guy that Kendall Knight had allowed himself to fall in love with.

**Awe, Logan finally realizes that he feels something for Kendall! :) But how is he going to go get his man? Is he even gonna try? You'll see!**

**Thank you all again for sticking with my story...Hopefully I will have an update for you soon! And I really hope you liked this chapter :)**

**3**


	9. In Too Deep

**A ginormous 'thank you!' to my reviewers of last chapter: sylarbadass, poeticjustice13, shogoki17, ..Apart, Rhett9, itrymybest, Ieeerr, btrlover21, Adrian Aluran, and rainy dayz and silver dreams. Honestly, that was probably the best influx of reviews I've EVER gotten on any other chapter, which kind of makes me feel bad that this one is so short! :( I love you guys to death though. And to your story alerters and favorite alerters, I still love you guys too! :D Thank you!**

**So, now that Logan has come to his senses - though, for a genius, he should have long ago - we're going back to Kendall. If you need a refresher, Kendall kissed Logan on the cheek when he was "sleeping" and then talked to James, discovered Jarlos will be official soon, and was told that Logan loves him, but being Kendall, he doesn't believe it because he doesn't see how anyone could love him (even though I do :) haha). So this is back to Kendall...And I'm sorry that it's so short, but I hope you guys still like it :D**

**I apologize for the really really long author's note, so without further ado, though I still do not own Kendall :( or the song he writes in this chapter, here it is! I hope you enjoy and aren't disappointed.**

_I brought you this gift of memories,_

_And words intertwined with melodies._

I had to force myself not to cry yet again as my shaking hand scribbled those words in a barely detectable hand.

I couldn't help but think of Logan – true, he was all I ever thought about, but recently he had found a permanent residence in my mind, kicking out any other thought or sense of sound judgment.

I knew I would always be in love with him, but I also knew that he would never love me. He has Camille. So I hoped that writing this song would help me slowly move on.

_Let's give it a rest 'cause I don't wanna fight.  
>Let's clean up this mess before it ends tonight.<br>I could've kissed your hand and tried to walk away,  
>But I don't like to reminisce like this<br>Anymore than you do  
>Anymore than you do.<em>

As these words escaped my lips, it was useless to hold back tears anymore. I wanted nothing more than to talk to Logan and tell him that I was so completely, irrevocably, and impossibly in love with him, and seal that confession with a soft kiss to those velvet lips of his. And then everything would be just fine. We could be together, and I would take up a permanent residence on Cloud 9.

But I knew that I would never do it. I'm not as fearless as everyone thinks I am. Something in the back of my mind kept screaming at me that if I told Logan that I loved him, he would never speak to me again. And I know that I probably would kill myself if he hated me. His friendship tethers me to this Earth. His smile makes my day that much brighter, his laughter makes my heart beat that much faster, and his eyes…oh, those damn eyes make my stomach fill with butterflies.

But those tears and those thoughts only pushed me to scribble the next few words on my scrap of napkin cause I forgot my song book in our room. And Logan was in there.

_Stop it.  
>You keep looking me in the eye<br>Stop this.  
>I don't have time for another try.<br>To be true,  
>Something I could never hide -<br>I can't be around you.  
>I sit around and wonder why, why.<em>

I threw my guitar to the ground and pulled my knees tight to my chest, letting my sobs chase away the echoes of the words I had just sang.

I can't keep doing this to myself. I have to do something.

But what the hell should I do?

"Kendall, are you okay?"

Of course it had to be that smooth melodic voice that made me shiver with pleasure. Of course when I looked up it had to be into those damn pools of chocolate.

That perfect angel ran over to my side, obviously disturbed by my sudden influx of emotion that he'd witnessed for the third time in only 24 hours.

"Kendall, hey, everything will be just fine this time. I'm here. Come here, Kendall."

Before my head could force me to protest, my heart was enjoying every second of Logan gathering me in his strong arms as I sobbed into his scarlet pajamas.

He put a hand under my chin, forcing me to look into those damn eyes again.

"Kendall, I hate seeing your pretty green eyes so full of sadness. Please talk to me."

_Did he just say I had pretty green eyes? Oh, of course he frickin did…Everyone thinks I have pretty green eyes._

"Please just leave me alone," I whispered, barely audibly into the tension filled air, biting my quivering bottom lip so I could restrain myself from closing the short distance between our lips.

_God, those lips…If I could just have one taste…_

_Fuck! You can't think about him like this. It's. Never. Going. To. Happen! Get that through your stubborn skull!_

Logan looked taken aback, and almost hurt by my words. I was never this harsh with him, which surprised not only him, but myself as well. I tell him everything, and he tells me everything. We are each others' crying shoulder. We rarely ever even disagree.

But when his grip didn't loosen around my waist, and his eyes didn't look any less concerned, I shimmied of his embrace, averted my blurry eyesight, and lightly pushed him away.

"I can't – I can't even fucking look at you right now!" I yelled at the kitchen tile, still unable to look him in those damn eyes as I became a completely different Kendall in front of him.

"Please...Please just stop making me go insane!" I shouted before bolting into our room, locking it, and collapsing onto Logan's bed, leaving my neglected guitar and an astounded Logan behind in the kitchen.

But also leaving my newly started song behind on that scrap of napkin in the center of the kitchen table for anyone to see and judge.

For Logan to see and judge.

And I have his damn name on the top of it with a heart around it.

Oh, fuck!

**Kendall is just so confused and hurt right now that it's clouding his vision to see that Logan really does love him. So Logan's going to have to do some fighting :) I know some of my lovely reviewers are looking forward to this...I'll try to update as soon as I can, but Christmas and New Year may inhibit me from doing so. :( I hope you all can wait :)**

**And since I don't know if I'll be updating before any holiday, I want to wish all of you amazing readers and reviewers a Merry Christmas, ****or a Happy Hanukkah, or whatever it is you may celebrate this time of year :) And a very happy new year full of more fanfiction reading :) haha jk**

**I love you guys! 3**


	10. I'll Save You, Kendall Knight

**I can't thank my reviewers from last chapter (and every other chapter of course :) haha) enough! I love you guys! Thank you for your reviews from last chapter: sylarbadass, btrlover21, DoctorWhoFan9, Rhett9, shogoki17, poeticjustice13, rainy dayz and silver dreams, Adrian Aluran, and perfectmirror14. You guys (and my story alerters and favoriters) are amazing****!**

**I apologize that I didn't update before Christmas or on Christmas - I would have loved to but I saw family all day yesterday. I hope you guys had a phenomenal Christmas (or other holiday)! This is my Christmas present (though it is late, and I'm sorry :/) to you guys :)**

**Before I go on, this really shows you into Kendall's complexity through Logan's eyes, and I really hope you guys like what I did with this chapter :)**

**Disclaimer: Santa didn't bring me Kendall, so I still do not own BTR :(**

I couldn't believe that Kendall had just told me to leave him alone.

And pushed me away.

He's never done that to me!

For as long as we'd been best friends, Kendall always willed me closer to him with sad, beautiful emerald eyes and a melancholy, heartbreaking tone, but NEVER do I remember him using such a broken, even more heart-wrenching tone to push me away. And never had I seen the Kendall Knight cry so much in such a short time.

Or at all, really.

He always seemed to be in control. And no one could have proved stronger than he did after what he'd been through with Stark, Kurtis, and Jackson.

Stark, that bastard.

Even the thought of that vile name made my blood boil.

Stark was the infamous bully at our middle school. He preyed on the innocence and insecurities of his "inferiors" with his cronies Kurtis and Jackson never more than two steps behind.

Kendall had always been his favorite victim, all the way through middle school into the beginning of the hell that was our first year of high school.

And I hated him more than should have been humanly possible for treating Kendall the way he did.

Stark looked at every insecurity Kendall should have – his "caterpillar" eyebrows that didn't match his "shaggy, dirty, disgusting blond hair," his "supernatural green eyes," his "skyscraper tall, lanky, anorexic figure that hides behind his sad-excuse-for-a-hockey-player body." Anything and everything that was unique and different about Kendall was like their heroin – the way they cut him down to nothing and occasionally threw some punches or pushes drove them to the complete addiction of the thought of the seemingly unemotional Kendall Knight breaking down. Of the hockey captain and seemingly fearless "disgrace to the human race" crying at their merciless blows and words.

But Kendall stayed strong.

He wrote some of his best songs, vented to me a lot, stiffened up, and held countless tears back because he knew who he was and what he wanted in life. No bully with a cool name could tell him any differently. He was captain of the hockey team, a loving big brother to his little sister Katie, a helpful, reliable son to his mother when his abusive father was thrown in prison, a fiercely loyal best friend to me, James, and Carlos, and a generally strong, amazing young man.

And he wanted to prove to me, James, and Carlos that he could take whatever came his way.

And he was so charismatically convincing that of course we all believed him. We admired his ability to not let what Stark said get to him, and we wanted to be just like him. Even if he was younger than us.

But I knew that every insult and degradation that Kendall had ever heard uttered to him in his life was going to build up and push him to self-hatred. Although I never expected him to start cutting himself.

He tried to hide it so well throughout that first year of high school, but I knew. Only I knew because he showed me all the cuts and the sharp objects that were stained with his blood.

I was so glad he'd stopped after that terrible year. He'd stopped for me after I'd looked him the eye and begged him to, telling him I needed him and couldn't imagine life without him.

_Damn, you're so dumb! You should have known then that Kendall loved you! And that you loved him! He's too stubborn to change his ways for just anyone! You know that!_

_And you call yourself a genius?_

_Idiot._

My wandering mind returned to my frozen pajama-clad figure standing shocked and hurt in the now empty kitchen as I sighed dejectedly and collapsed into a dining room chair. I entangled my fingers in my dark, messy hair and tugged it in frustration.

_What am I going to do? _

_I can't let Kendall revert to his old ways._

_Kendall needs to know that I love him…After all he's been through, he deserves to be loved, and if it's me he wants to love him, then damn it, it will be me that sucks it up and tells him how much I love him – how much I've always loved him. How he's always had me wrapped around his slender, guitar-string-toughened fingers._

_This isn't going to be easy with the state that Kendall's in now, but he will be mine if it's the last thing I ever do._

Just as I was about to stand up and begin to plot Operation Sweep Kendall Off His Feet, I noticed a crumpled piece of napkin in the center of the kitchen table.

It looked like Kendall penned it.

_That must be the song he was singing before he broke down again._

Although I knew I shouldn't have read it, because it was no one's business but Kendall's, something urged me to read it. So against my sound judgment, I let my eyes scan the hurriedly written words.

Just as a tear threatened to fall and I was about to read the next line separated by spot of tear-stained napkin from the last, my eyes darted to the corner of the wrinkled napkin.

I saw my name with a heart around it in Kendall's unmistakable, distinct hand.

And that not only compelled me to want to break down the door to our bedroom and kiss Kendall senseless, but it also compelled me to win Kendall over in a way that he would always remember. In a way that would prove to him how beautiful and amazing he really is whether he sees it or not.

_This is going to be a challenge._

_But it's all going to be more than worth it when that beautiful, emerald eyed, Greek god is in my arms._

_I'm going to save you, Kendall Knight. _

_Even if it is from yourself._

**I hope you enjoyed this :)**_  
><em>


	11. Too Real To Be A Dream

**The response from last chapter was so overwhelming, and it was absolutely amazing! I love you guys so much...Like, no joke! Thank you to the reviewers of last chapter: Kendalls Logiebear, sylarbadass, shogoki17, Rhett9, mermaidlover101, Hikari no Kasai, btrlover21, poeticjustice13, SassyLadyStriking, DoctorWhoFan9, Adrian Aluran, and BigTimeRushBabe. You guys never cease to amaze me and make me so happy :) And to my story alerters and favoriters - I love you guys too!**

**So I really love this chapter...And I'm pretty sure it's the longest one I've written for this fanfic. I hope you guys love it as much as I do :) Logan's Operation Sweep Kendall Off His Feet Part 1 included :) And I really hope I don't disappoint you guys with how I do it...**

**I still don't own Kendall, or BTR...But I also don't own the two songs that Logan writes in this chapter either :) Kendall's POV...And I really like it! I hope you guys do too...Enjoy!**

After yet another practically sleepless night, I forced myself out of my blankets and my depression so I could get ready to record at the studio today. Gustavo had been harping on us that we need to improve or "Elevate will never elevate on the charts!" and "Big Time Rush will be Big Time Forgotten!"

I swung my bare feet to the cold cream carpet, rubbing the little sleep I did get last night from my "pretty green eyes" before letting my gaze fall on Logan, still asleep in my bed since I collapsed on his last night after our argument and hadn't moved a muscle since.

I knew he needed to wake up too, but I still wasn't ready to talk to him. If he was genuinely hurt by my actions of last night, I didn't want to look into those eyes, because then I would know if the hurt really was genuine, and if I'd hurt him somehow, I would hate myself that much more.

_Of course he's hurt! You told him that you couldn't look at him and that you wanted him to leave you alone! You've never said that to him before, so it's only natural that he's upset about it!_

_I'm such a terrible person. He probably doesn't even want to be friends with me anymore. I acted like a jerk to him last night, and I've been crying and blubbering like a baby._

And so my self-degradation continued while I shuffled dejectedly to my dresser to throw some clothes on for the day. I scooped up the largest plaid shirt I owned hoping that a baggy shirt would cover up the too-tall, lanky body that I hated knowing was my own. Then I threw on my favorite black sweatpants, knowing they wouldn't cling to my disproportionate legs like my skinny jeans would. I dug for my favorite beanie in my top drawer of beanies to cover up my disgusting hair, and ran my fingers through my exposed bangs, combing them in such a way that would cover up my silly eyebrows and one alien-colored eye.

I looked in the mirror directly across from my bed, giving myself permission to further degrade everything about my appearance.

Even if Logan was interested in guys at all, he would never look at me as a possible love interest.

_You're skyscraper tall. Your eyes must have been implanted into your head with alien eyes as the result of an alien abduction because I've never seen anyone else's eyes even come close to the different shades they change. Your hair and eyebrows don't match. Your hair always looks like it needs washed because of the brown mixed in it that matches your ridiculous eyebrows._

As these thoughts ran through my head, I realized they weren't in my own voice, and none of the words were my own.

My mind had somehow morphed together my self-hatred, that horrible Stark's aspersions from my past, and Logan's beautifully melodic voice, because each flaw that I possessed echoed in my mind in the words of the bane of my existence and in that voice that made me melt.

After a costume change of the clock to 6:30 am, my rain boot clad feet dragged me into the kitchen where Carlos sat in James's lap as James ate his Froot Loops. Occasionally James would bring the spoon to Carlos's mouth, feeding the ecstatic Latino in his lap. I couldn't help but let a microscopic smile flash on my raw lips for a brief second. Carlos saw me first, and the happiness in his very aura dissipated at the sight of my pathetic figure.

"Whoa, Kendall, you look like you just got hit by a train, and then your closet exploded on you. What's eating at you, man?"

I just shrugged, not even attempting to speak. I didn't even crack a smile at my friend's attempted joke, which made James's smile drop as well.

"Kendall, you can't keep doing this to yourself. You need to talk to him, whether you want to or not," James began as Carlos jumped off his lap and hurried to my side to put a hand on my shoulder.

I completely ignored the opportunity to respond, shrugged off Carlos's hand, and simply said, "Logan needs woken up to go to the studio this morning," before lethargically walking to the door and slamming it behind me.

Once James, Carlos, and Logan arrived at the studio about a half hour after I did, Logan surprised us by telling us he wrote two songs that he wanted Gustavo to hear. It surprised me most of all. Logan doesn't usually spend his time writing songs – that's my thing. Usually he is reading a medical book, or a book about Venus, or hanging with Camille. And I know he hasn't played piano for awhile because I've been hiding in the apartment in our room.

_What could possibly have possessed Logan to put down a book and pick up a pencil? _I thought to myself as Gustavo and Kelly nodded in approval and Logan made his way to the sound booth.

"You're probably all wondering why the studious bookworm Logan Mitchell wrote songs. Well, I wrote this first song recently because recent events have caused even the Logan Mitchell to lose control of his thoughts," he began, with a smile at me. At least I would have liked to believe it was at me.

But I was in no mood to hear a song about Camille and how their off-again, on-again relationship had Logan flustered. So I started to rise to leave the room, but just as I turned to walk away, Logan's voice stopped me.

"Please, Kendall, just stay and listen. I really want you to hear this."

Though it went against every thought in my mind telling me that he saw my song on the table the other day, realized it was him I loved, and wanted to perform this song about Camille so he wouldn't have to actually tell me that he was straight and in love, I sank back down in the chair but refused to make eye contact with him.

"This first song is entitled 'Beautiful Disaster,'" Logan said yet again before tickling the ivories of the piano in the booth, causing it to laugh with beautiful, melodious introduction.

I looked to James and Carlos. Carlos was sitting impossibly close to James, and James had an arm "casually" slung over his shoulders. Both were grinning from ear to ear, studying me for reactions, telling me that they knew something that I didn't.

And no matter how much I wanted to fight the urge to look up from the hands that I was wringing in my lap, I couldn't fight it anymore. Logan was still looking at me, with a sparkle in his damn eyes, when he finally began his song.

_He drowns in his dreams._

_An exquisite extreme I know._

_He's damned as he seems – _

_More heaven than a heart could hold._

_And if I tried to save him,_

_My whole world would cave in._

_It just ain't right._

_No, it just ain't right._

Was Logan really singing 'he' or was I just missing the 's'? What could he possibly be doing? Why has his gaze never left me? I never expected him to save me, if it even was me he was talking about. _ I don't need saved_, I thought to myself as I pulled the sleeves of my plaid shirt over my wrists hoping no one would notice that there were more than just the scars there.

But I was so entranced by the raw passion in his voice and that look in his eyes as he continued.

_Oh and I don't know._

_I don't know what he's after,_

_But he's so beautiful._

_He's such a beautiful disaster._

_And if I could hold on,_

_Through the tears and the laughter,_

_Would it be beautiful,_

_Or just a beautiful disaster?_

My mind was completely overwhelmed with Logan's voice, sending me into sensory overload. With the way his fingers so expertly and gracefully played the piano. With the way his eyes seared into my own with each word that passed those velvet lips. I couldn't help but wonder if it was me that he was calling beautiful. But it couldn't have been. Could it? Maybe the disaster part was meant for me. That would fit better than beautiful would. I was anything but beautiful, but I was a disaster.

_He's magic and myth,_

_And as strong as what I believe._

_He's a tragedy with more damage than a soul should see._

_But do I try to change him?_

_It's so hard not to blame him._

_Hold on tight._

_Baby, hold on tight._

I don't even think that either of us blinked. Our eyes were so locked onto each other's. We were so caught up in each other. It was like the world faded around me and we were the only two in the room. _I really have to stop letting my imagination run away with this. I'm sure he's talking about someone else. Someone who really is beautiful. Maybe it's one of those deep, reflective songs that are written as a message to yourself. Yeah – that fits. That's very Logan-like, too._

But I was still drowning in his gorgeous voice and those alluring eyes as he continued with the chorus. Even if he was talking about someone else, or himself, I was going to enjoy the fact that in this moment, his attention seemed so attuned to me and me only. He continued into the next verse.

_I'm longing for love and I'm logical,_

_But he's only happy hysterical._

_I'm waiting for some kind of miracle – _

_Waiting so long…_

_Waiting so long._

_He's soft to the touch,_

_But frayed at the ends –_

_He breaks._

_He's never enough,_

_And still he's more than I can take._

As he wrapped up the song with a repeat of the chorus, I had to look at down at myself to make sure I wasn't in liquid form after melting with Logan's song.

"Before I hear reactions to that song, I really want to get this next one out. This is for a very special person in my life, and I really hope he knows who he is," Logan said, eyes still glued to me while his fingers found the piano keys again. "This one is called 'With You.' I hope you like it."

_I know that I will, _I thought to myself. It was like Logan was a drug – a drug that I had been addicted to for so long, but he was new and improved, and I became even more hooked when I saw the songwriting genius side of Logan Mitchell. _He could give me a run for my money,_ I thought to myself, smirking a bit at my internal joke. But that smile quickly dropped and my captivated face returned as Logan sang his next song.

_The real me is a southern boy with his Levi's on and an open heart._

_I wish I could save the world,_

_Like I was Superman._

_The real me used to laugh all night,_

_Lying in the grass just thinking about love,_

_But lately I've been jaded,_

_And life's got so complicated._

_I start thinking about it._

_I almost forgot what it was like to know when it feels right,_

_But with you,_

_I can let my hair down._

_I can say anything crazy._

_I know you'll catch me right before I hit the ground._

_With nothing but a t-shirt on,_

_I've never felt so beautiful,_

_Baby as I do now,_

_Now that I'm with you._

That's when the giddiness that had filled me with Logan's last song dissipated. _Now he must be singing about Camille. That's who he's with. Why did I get my hopes up in the first place? I already knew that's who he loved._

But then I thought back to what he said before he started singing this song, when he was introducing it. He said 'he' and 'I hope he knows who he is.' So who is this 'he'? It couldn't possibly be me. Though the look in Logan's eyes as he looked into mine gave me a shimmer of hope. You couldn't fake a look like that – not even if you were trying to pull a cruel joke after finding your name in a heart in your best friend's handwriting, so I pushed that thought from my mind as well.

_But what does this mean?_ I thought to myself, never feeling more confused than I did right in that moment. And Logan looking at me with those eyes like that at this particular moment only fueled my desire for him, and my confusion as to what he was saying with this song.

If he was saying anything.

Maybe he was just looking to me for approval of his songs because I was the songwriting guru of the group.

But that damn alluring look had my head all messed up.

_You speak and it's like a song,_

_And just like that all my walls come down._

_It's like a private joke,_

_Just meant for us to know._

_I relate to you naturally._

_Everybody else just fades away._

_Sometimes it's hard to breathe,_

_Just knowing you love me,_

_Cause I start thinking about it,_

_And I almost forgot what it was like to know when love feels right,_

_But with you…_

As he continued into the chorus, I broke my gaze from him for a brief second just to look around and make sure that we weren't the only ones in the room.

Gustavo looked shocked – probably at the fact that Logan was indeed talking about a he in both of his songs, meaning there was at least one member of this boy band that was bi or gay. But he didn't see James and Carlos, and he didn't know about me being gay, which is probably better for his health.

Kelly looked amused – like she was waiting for this type of moment to happen for as long as she'd known us. She looked from me to Logan, sensing something that I must have been missing as she made her mouth form an "awe."

James and Carlos looked at me, winked, high-fived (which ended in interlocking their fingers together), and smiled sweetly to each other before briefly pecking on the lips.

And then there was Logan.

He was still studying me, as if he were trying to see into my mind to see what I was thinking.

And then I realized that Logan really was talking about me as he winked at me and blew me a kiss.

And my face once again turned Logan's second favorite color as he continued.

_Come and take me,_

_I love you._

_You save me,_

_Like nobody else._

_Now I can be myself with you._

And as he continued on into the chorus with that sexy, lopsided smile, my blush only grew deeper, the thought briefly entering my mind that you could fry an egg on my now burning cheeks.

When Logan finished, James, Carlos, and Kelly gave way to uproarious applause and showered him with compliments when he exited the sound booth. I was too frozen and dazed and in awe to do anything but blush and stare at him longingly like a crazy fangirl. And Gustavo had a look of not anger, but pure confusion on his face.

"Logan," Gustavo began as he rubbed his temples. "Those songs were fantastic, but you know damn well we can't put them on the album. It would break too many fangirls' hearts to know that Logan Mitchell of Big Time Rush is in love with a guy."

I was surprised that Gustavo wasn't yelling. Yes, he'd raised his voice, but I think that even his normal volume is loud. It almost seemed like he understood. It was typical of a boy band to have a bi or gay member, but he probably wasn't expecting all of them to be bi or gay. I still think it was better for his health if he didn't know, but James and Carlos must not have considered this.

James and Carlos hugged Logan and then each other before the two lovebirds kissed again. Kelly and Logan let out harmonious "awes" as Gustavo just rose from his chair and said, in a surprisingly calm, and even encouraging voice, "You dogs have the rest of the day off. I need to process the fact that three-fourths of you are in love with a guy. Not that I have a problem with it – I mean, I think it's great that you have someone – but I just need to think."

But before he retreated to his office, he looked to Logan. "And it seems to me that you have more important things to be doing – like going out there and winning over this guy that you sang about."

And then he turned to me, but said nothing. He just sighed, patted me on the back, and retreated to his office. Kelly trailed not far behind, waving to us and giving Logan, James, and Carlos two thumbs up and a sincere smile.

I still remained frozen in my spot, too overwhelmed with the idea that Logan feels the same way about me to do anything.

"Well, Carlos and I are gonna go on a date," James stated with a wide smile before grabbing said Latino's hand and kissing him on the head.

Then, a beaming, blushing Carlos looked to Logan, and then to me. "You guys should too," he said hurriedly before running out the door, pulling a chuckling James behind him.

Then it was just Logan and I.

Logan made his way over to me, hands in his pockets, and his eyes never leaving my face. "So, what did you think of the songs?" he asked.

I nervously scraped my foot on the tiled floor, suddenly too shy to do or say anything, and suddenly very interested in my feet. I was speechless, yes, but I was rarely ever nervous.

Before I knew what was happening, Logan put a hand under my chin and gently raised my eyes to look into his. "You know they were about you, don't you?"

I nodded quickly, my face the color of tomato soup and my hands fumbling together excitedly.

Logan just smirked that sexy smirk. "You are so adorable, you know that?" he asked before taking my shaking hands into his own and slowly stretching up to kiss my forehead.

"Come on," he began in a whisper as he leaned his forehead against my own. "I have the perfect date planned for us to show you how I feel about you. How I've always felt about you, Kendall."

I smiled the brightest smile I could muster, hoping it wouldn't blind Logan.

He turned me to look into the mirror on the wall in the studio, wrapping his arms around my waist, intertwining our fingers, and resting his head on my shoulder.

"Do you see that sparkle? That beautiful, perfect, bright emerald hue of your eyes right now?" he asked as I slowly nodded, seeing the drastic change in the shade of my eyes.

"That's my favorite color," he said softly before brushing his lips against my cheek.

My heart was racing, my blood was boiling, and I felt complete with Logan's arms around me.

I couldn't wait for this date he'd planned.

I could've convinced myself that I was dreaming this entire time had Logan's arms not been lovingly around my waist, clinging to me as if he never wanted to let go.

That feeling that I got as he held me, as he kissed my forehead and my cheek, as his hands were entangled with mine – that was too real to be a dream.

**So I really hoped you guys liked reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! :)**


	12. A Twist of Fate

**Thank you all so much for the AMAZING response to last chapter. Thank you to my reviewers: sylarbadass, MrBadMediaKarma, Kendalls Logiebear, shogoki17, poeticjustice13, DoctorWhoFan9, Ieeer****r, btrlover21, iWannaSexCoryMontheithUp, itrymybest, Hikari no Kasai, ladydanni, ..Apart, KogansWolfGirl, and mermaidlover101. I LOVE you guys soooo much! And I love my story alerters and favoriters too :D**

**So I really hope you like this chapter and don't hate me for it cause there's gonna be a twist that I'm gonna throw at you :) I think the twist makes it more interesting, but that's just my opinion :) And it will be elaborated on more in my next chapter, but this introduces it :) This idea came to me last night when I couldn't sleep so I had to write it in here! And by the way, I hope you all had a wonderful New Years! :D**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own BTR :(**

There could never be a moment that I felt more love toward someone, more adoration toward someone, than I did right here with my arms around Kendall's slender, yet still defined waist, our fingers intertwined, and my head resting lovingly on his shoulder.

There would never be a time that I saw as much love and happiness in those entrancing emerald eyes of his than there was right in this moment.

"So, are you ready for our date?" I asked, turning the adorable blushing blond so I could lose myself in those eyes and that beautiful, innocent face yet again.

Kendall just nodded excitedly, his cheeks adorned with my second favorite color. I chuckled, grabbing his hand yet again and pulling him behind me to begin our date that I had thought so deeply about last night instead of sleeping. I could sleep when I was dead, but I wanted to make sure that every moment I shared with the love of my life was perfect and memorable. He needed to know how special he was to me.

"Um, where are we going, Logie?" he asked in a small but excited voice, that signature crooked smile of his evident in his tone.

I couldn't fight the blush that crept to my cheeks when he used that childhood nickname, his love-laced tone transforming it into a pet name, and I couldn't fight the flutter of my heart knowing I was the one making him this giddy.

"Do you really think I would tell you where I was taking you, Kendall? That would spoil the surprise!" I replied, sneaking a glance at our still entangled fingers and giving his hand a light squeeze.

"No, I guess not…But I really wish you would tell me. I look horrible right now – can't I change first, or take a shower in an attempt to wash all of my disgustingness away?" he asked, his lack of self-esteem creeping into his almost normal musical tone.

I stopped without warning after we entered the elevator, grabbing his other hand so we were facing each other, but he did all he could to divert his gaze from looking into my eyes.

"Kendall, sweetheart. Look at me."

I could tell he was trying to fight the compulsion to look into my eyes, but he eventually gave in. When I finally could look into those jade orbs, I saw a shadow of self-loathing waltz across their brightness. Now would be as good a time as any to tell him just how beautiful and godlike he really is. I punched the first floor button before bringing a hand to his cheek, and softly stroked it before confessing.

"You are so beautiful, Kendall, whether you see it or not. Your eyes are the most unique, beautiful shade of green that I have ever laid my eyes on," I started, trying to find my way out of the labyrinth of those entrancing emeralds so I could continue.

"Your hair is a beautiful golden shade, haloing your soft, sweet, adorable face," I continued, running my hand through said locks, peppering said face with small, light kisses, and kissing away his falling tears, relishing the saltiness of these tears and tasting that they were indeed happy tears.

"You are the perfect height – intimidating, but Greek god-esque, giving Adonis a run for his well-known connotation with the epitome of male beauty," I pressed on, running my eyes up and down that statuesque blond who now gave way to a smile and a small, adorable chuckle at my compliment.

"It doesn't matter what you wear or what the voices of your past say because I think you are the most amazing, most beautiful individual that I have ever seen, and I love you, Kendall Francis Knight," I finished, my usually dormant confidence shining through exceedingly, brightening those beautiful eyes once again to my favorite shade.

I wouldn't trade the elated, adorable, perfect look on that angelic face for anything in the universe as I slowly moved in to finally take a taste of the forbidden fruit that was Kendall's soft lips.

When our lips met, I could have sworn that the world just stopped spinning, as if to tell Kendall and I that we could have as long as we needed to relish in this moment and the feel of our lips moving perfectly against the other's. His lips were like sweet chocolate, and mine were like caramel, mixing to create the most breathtaking feeling in the world. His lips were like fire, and mine like gasoline, igniting a burning, delectable passion that created fireworks behind my closed eyelids.

It wasn't long before my overwhelming love for the gorgeous boy I was finally kissing took over and I slowly ran my tongue along his bottom lip, begging for an entrance into that sweet mouth that his musical, melodic voice escaped from.

And when he allowed it access, I mapped out every crevice, every cavern, never wanting to forget the feel of it all that threw my body into sensory overload. My dominant nature refused to let him take the lead in the tango of our tongues, and that possessiveness that I had always felt toward Kendall went into overdrive as I ran one hand under his oversized plaid shirt that hid his perfect body, my fingers tracing every line of his abs that he didn't believe existed.

When one of his hands entangled in my hair, pulling it with passion, I couldn't repress the soft moan that escaped my lips.

But then the need for air grew too great. We had already pushed the boundaries of our lung capacity with that kiss – that kiss that was probably the best kiss I had ever had, and would ever have, in my entire life.  
>"Wow," Kendall said breathlessly with his hand still in my hair and mine still resting on his bare abdomen under his shirt, making small circles with my thumb on the soft skin.<p>

"Yeah," I said, almost as breathlessly, still looking into those grass-green eyes.

The euphoria of what had just happened had made my mind go completely blank, forgetting entirely that Kendall and I were on an elevator, and not even noticing that the doors had opened for the first floor.

But when I saw the shocked face of Camille through the open elevator doors, I wished they had just stayed closed.

_Why is Camille at Rocque Records?_ I thought to myself before really letting my eyes focus in on her stunned face.

I was so wrapped up in Kendall and my overpowering love for him that I had completely forgotten that Camille and I were in an on-again stage.

I almost felt guilty with the look of hurt that adorned her features until she turned her attention to a blushing, embarrassed, flustered Kendall, and if looks could kill, Kendall would have dropped dead 20 times over.

"What the hell do you think you're doing to my boyfriend, Ken-dick?" she half-shouted, venom spewing with that name she had just created for Kendall. Never had I ever heard her this angry or this upset. Especially at Kendall. I had always thought that her and Kendall were close friends.

But when she said that to my little angel, and when I saw the look of hurt and regret adorning his perfect face in response, any inkling of guilt I may have felt for sharing that amazing kiss with Kendall when Camille and I were supposed to be together had completely dissipated into raw and unbridled anger.

"Don't you DARE blame Kendall for this, Camille! My lips and hands weren't exactly innocent bystanders in that kiss…In fact, I was the one who initiated it, and I'm sure as hell glad that I did because it was the best kiss I've ever had. I've never felt anything close to that with you! I don't even know why I keep going back to you! But I love Kendall more than it should be legally possible to love someone, and we're going to be together whether you like it or not!" I shouted in a deafening tone more harsh than I'd ever used as I softly pushed Kendall behind me so he couldn't see the murderous look on both of our faces, doing my best to shield him from Camille's death glare.

No one – and I mean NO ONE – not even Camille – was going to talk to my love like that. If she wasn't a girl, I probably would have punched her.

"Excuse me, Logan Mitchell, but you and I are together right now. And in case you're too enraged to remember, you tell me that you love me every time we have sex, so I don't believe you for one second that you could love that thing," she replied in a conniving, poisonous tone with an evil smirk on her face as her eyes assaulted Kendall with daggers.

She knew that Kendall thought I was a virgin, and she knew that Kendall really was. She probably thought that if she ruined Kendall's possible daydream of us being each other's first, she would destroy Kendall even more.

And when I glanced back to look into his now glistening, heartbroken eyes, I knew that Camille was right. She was destroying him. He must have had that exact daydream at some point in time. And that just angered me even more that she chose that weapon to stab into Kendall's innocent heart.

It didn't even seem like she cared about me cheating on her, but rather the thought of Kendall being with me pushed her over the edge. The thought of Kendall being happy must have been impossible for her to fathom by the look she kept giving him.

I really wish I could have punched her. And I was so blindsided with rage that I probably would have, had it not been for Kendall shoving past her and running out the front door, tears no doubtedly falling from those fascinating eyes that I had just recently brought light back into. That light was no doubtedly gone again.

"I will deal with you later," I threatened through clenched teeth. "But right now, I have to go find Kendall. If what you said to him makes him revert back to his old ways, I will never, EVER let you forget it. I will haunt you – that's a promise," I finished in a low, murderous tone before shoving past her to run after my heartbroken, emerald-eyed angel.

I should have known that things with Kendall were too good to be true. I knew there would be something that would ruin it. I knew the feelings he made me feel were unnatural and too beautiful and too perfect for the tangible world.

Maybe I didn't deserve happily ever after. Maybe I didn't deserve Kendall – he was no doubtedly too perfect, too innocent, too beautiful for me.

But Kendall sure as hell did.

And I am going to love him with every ounce of my being, and be there for him at every waking second, and hold him and kiss him and tell him how beautiful, how innocent, how perfect he is for as long as I live.

Because I love him more than should be humanly possible.

Nothing was going to come in between what Kendall and I had just created.

I would do whatever I needed to make sure of that.

But right now, I had to be the Knight for my Knight.

**So I really hope you don't hate this little curveball I threw at you...It will still be happy Kogan in the end, but I thought it needed more drama :) I love you guys, and I hope you enjoy! :D**


	13. The Girl We Love To Hate

**So I want to thank my reviewers from last chapter: Kendalls Logiebear, Rhett9, DoctorWhoFan9, btrlover21, sylarbadass, shogoki17, KogansWolfGirl, Hikari no Kasai, and rainy dayz and silver dreamz. You guys are phenomenal, and I love you all :D Also to my favoriters and story alerters, I love you guys too!**

**So I'm still alive, which means you guys must not have hated me too much for last chapter...That may change after this one though *nervous face* I'm going to switch it up a bit and do this chapter in Camille's POV though I know you guys are dying to know where Kendall went and all that jazz, but this is the first of two updates for the night, and the next one will tell you all about Kendall...And it's good :) (At least in my opinion) I hope you guys like it :) I just thought it was important to delve into the mind of the girl we love to hate sometimes :)**

**By the way, BTR is still not in my possession :(**

**I hope you guys like this! :)**

As soon as the altercation between Logan and I had ceased, I collapsed against a nearby wall, burying my face in my trembling hands.

My self-loathing at my harsh words was interrupted when I felt a soft hand on my shoulder.

"Camille, what's wrong? What happened? Are you okay?"

My eyes traced the owner of the hand to Jo's concerned eyes.

"No, Jo, I'm not okay. Logan cheated on me," I began, tears running down my cheeks. Jo did her best to wipe them away before she looked at me confusedly.

"But I thought that you didn't love Logan?" she asked questioningly as she rubbed my back soothingly.

"I don't," I answered, trying to regain my composure. "But he didn't cheat on me with just anyone. He and Kendall kissed. Kendall, of all people!" I finished before my body was overtaken by sobs again.

"Awe, Camille, I'm so sorry. It must have been so hard to see that," Jo said in a very understanding, sympathetic tone.

"Why did it have to be Kendall? I wouldn't have cared if it was you, or even if it were Carlos or James. I don't even care that Logan cheated on me, but why did it have to be with Kendall?" I exclaimed, my tone still restricted by tears.

"Honey, I told you. Kendall is gay. It was only a matter of time before one of the guys found out and acted on it. In this case, it happened to be Logan. You already knew that Logan wasn't completely straight because of the way he looks at Kendall and how protective he is of Kendall, and you know they all care about him dearly," Jo said, trying to get me to understand something that I already knew, but refused to allow myself to believe.

"Of course they all care about Kendall! He's perfect and beautiful and wonderful! But I said some really hurtful things to him. Now he probably won't even want to be friends with me anymore. I just got so angry at seeing what I've been trying to deny for so long that I didn't care what I said. I thought I could reach him! We were getting to be so close. I thought that maybe he could love me back eventually," I lamented, still unable to stop crying.

"I thought the same thing when I dated him, dear," Jo began, still rubbing my back and wiping my tears. "But he broke up with me because he's gay. And you and I both know that it's no secret that he's been in love with Logan for as long as they've known each other. No matter how much we love Kendall, we have to accept that."

I sighed dejectedly. "I guess I just thought that by dating Logan, I could get closer to Kendall…And I did, but only as a friend. I guess I just hoped we could have been more than friends."

Then it was Jo's turn to sigh. "I'm sure Kendall will forgive you eventually. We both know he's not one to hold grudges. He's too sweet for that," she said, trying to reassure me that at least my friendship with Kendall was not in fact doomed.

But she didn't see his face.

She didn't see the hurt and the pain in those gorgeous eyes.

It was evident in his eyes that I had destroyed him inside.

Why would he ever speak to me again?

Even though all of the evidence that Kendall and Logan were in fact in love was right in front of me, I still refused to believe it. I still wanted Kendall to be my Knight – not Jo's, not James's, not Carlos's, and CERTAINLY not Logan's.

But my damn anger management is bound to prevent that from ever happening.

And so is that charismatic, adorable, yet mildly annoying Logan Mitchell. If Kendall had to choose between Logan and I, there would be no competition. Especially after the bitch in me came out and said those horrible things to him. _I just hope Logan gets to him before he does anything that would make me hate myself even more. Maybe I should run after him…_

"Logan is a good, sweet guy, Cami," Jo said, pulling me from my thoughts and trying to no doubtedly reassure me that Kendall was in good hands, but also almost trying to reassure herself that if Kendall wasn't going to date her, he wouldn't date any girl. I knew that she felt that way. But that never stopped me from always going to her and telling her how much I love Kendall. Our love for Kendall is the common ground as to why we became best friends in the first place. But Jo seemed to be taking rejection much better than I was.

"He would never hurt Kendall, and you should know that," Jo continued, effectively pulling me from my thoughts yet again.

"Kendall means so much to him, even if he just recently figured it out. If he had to pick between you and Kendall, or anyone and Kendall for that matter, he would pick Kendall every time, and you know that."

I sighed again. "I know that, Jo," I began.

"And we both sure as hell know that Logan wins over every other living or inanimate thing in Kendall's pretty green eyes," she continued, confirming my previous thought with threatening tears evident in her tone as I watched her retreat to thoughts of how Kendall had always spent more time with Logan than everyone else in this world combined – even her when she dated him.

I knew she meant well, and I also knew that she'd been waiting for Kendall and Logan to get together ever since Kendall broke up with her, thinking that if she couldn't have Kendall, then no one else but Logan should.

But I didn't care if Logan was fucking Zeus. He had something one thing that I truly wanted.

Kendall.

And I had something Jo didn't.

Resiliency.

No matter how in love Logan and Kendall seemed to be, I was still hell-bent on winning Kendall over.

_But how should I do that?_

**So, now we hate Camille even more, right?** **Well, what's Kogan without some drama? :) haha I hope you guys liked this, and if you didn't, I think my next update will make up for it :D**

**3**


	14. I Love You, Sweetheart

**Okay, so I didn't really give anyone time to review last chapter cause I really wanted to get this chapter updated for you all as well (which is like 2 minutes after my last update haha) I know you're all DYING to know about Kendall :) So here it is** **:) This is in Kendall's POV...It'll probably make you cry at first, but you'll be swooning and drowning in Kogan goodness by the end :)**

**I still don't own BTR, or Kendall :( I hope you enjoy though!**

I still couldn't convince myself that those traumatic words had come from Camille.

I still couldn't fathom the poison and venom in each word and each glare that she assaulted me with after she had caught Logan and I kissing.

She was my best female friend, aside from Jo. I even thought that she may have been romantically interested in me at one point – not that I returned or encouraged those affections in the least bit. Because even if she had soft, curly hazelnut hair and pleasant brown eyes, her prettiness was nothing compared to the incomparable beauty of Logan.

I sprinted through the now pouring rain, saturating every inch of my body, with no particular destination in mind.

Just away.

Away from that beautiful brunette that said he loved me. Away from that endlessly fascinating god-like being that I had loved my entire life who actually made me feel more loved and more beautiful than I had ever felt. Away from that breathtaking angel that made me experience practical electrocution with that kind of kiss that most can only write romance novels about – that I had dreamed of sharing with him countless times.

Because when he raised his usually soft, melodic voice to levels I had no idea it was capable of, I was terrified. Not even Stark had brought out that much anger in him, and that was a side of Logan I thought I'd never have to see again, let alone see enhanced at his girlfriend's hurtful words. It reminded me of my father's usual tone, and I couldn't handle the terror that it pulled back to the front of my mind.

Away from that usually sweet, kind-hearted girl whom I had called my best female friend that had turned into a complete alter ego at the sight of Logan and I kissing. Away from the hurt I had caused Camille, because even if her words made me feel useless, ugly, and good for nothing, I still couldn't handle being the source of anyone's pain. And there was abundant, unmistakable pain in her eyes, more evident when she looked at me than at Logan.

The words that Logan had said to me in the elevator after I told him I wanted to wash my disgustingness away that made my heart melt and swell with nothing but adoration for him had been constantly running through my mind as my still rain boot clad feet pounded the glistening pavement furiously beneath me.

But they had been warped each time they repeated, transforming Logan's beautiful, soothing voice into the harsh, raucous tone of a demon.

_You are so absolutely revolting, Kendall, whether you want to see it or not. Your eyes are the ugliest, most unnatural shade of puke green I have ever seen. _

_Your hair is a disgusting dishwater shade, bringing out your awkward crooked smile and ridiculous eyebrows._

_You are unnaturally tall – intimidating enough for Adonis to shake the earth with taunting snickers._

_There has never been a truth more true than every insult and degradation aimed at you._

_I think you are the most revolting, most pathetic individual that I have ever seen, and I hate you, Kendall Francis Knight._

I just wanted Logan's distorted, demonic voice to stop confirming every ounce of self-hatred and self-loathing that I had ever felt. I wanted it to stop reminding me of every insecurity that I'd ever had and every insecurity that Stark preyed on years before.

Even though I knew that bone-chilling voice in my mind really didn't belong to my Logie, it still hurt like hell.

I was trying so hard to make it cease that I didn't even realize I had reached the roof of the Palmwoods, or that my toes were inching closer and closer to the edge of the building.

Closer and closer to a quick and easy solution to all the hurt I was feeling and all the hurt I'd caused others.

Closer and closer to a permanent end to the tormenting voices in my head telling me that Logan and Camille could be happy together if I was no longer in the picture.

Just as I closed my eyes, said my silent goodbyes, and dangled one foot over the edge of the skyscraping building, I heard, "KENDALL!" and felt familiar strong arms wrap around me and pull me forcefully from my impending doom to that out of place wooden bench in the middle of the roof.

"Oh my God, Kendall! What were you doing? I could have lost you forever! I would never have been able to live without you. I'm so glad I got here on time. Kendall, I love you so much…more than should be humanly possible! I can't lose you. I never want to lose you. It would destroy me."

Logan was rocking me back and forth, cradling me in his arms like a precious, newborn child, lightly kissing my forehead and my cheeks, and in hysterics about how much he loved me, and how he would have followed me off that building without a second thought if he hadn't made it in time.

I was so glad to be back in his arms. They were my home – my safe haven.

I was so glad to feel his trembling hands wiping my relentless tears away.

But I was even more glad to hear his real voice – that alluring, musical voice, and not the terrifying one my mind had created.

"I-I-I'm sorry, Logie," I began in a small, shaky voice, surprised that a coherent thought had passed my lips.

"I just wanted you to be happy," I continued, burying my face in Logan's chest and crying like I'd never cried before.

Logan forced a trembling hand under my chin and lifted my head so I could look into his beautiful yet tear-stained face and those captivating yet broken eyes that made no effort to hold back even more tears.

He closed the short distance between our lips and crashed his against mine, desperately and possessively, yet softly and lovingly.

And then he slowly pulled away. And though I inwardly groaned at the loss of such perfect contact, I was speechless at the hands of the overwhelming feelings such a simple kiss gave me.

He tenderly grabbed my hand and lightly placed it on his chest, right over his heart.

"Do you feel how fast my heart is beating, as if competing with the speed of light for the fastest rate?" he whispered as he leaned his forehead against my own.

And before I could answer, he untangled his fingers from mine and moved that hand to my face, stroking my cheek ever so gently.

"Do you feel that shock of electricity, as if jolting a purpose for living into every inch of my being?" he inquired barely audibly before leaning down and gently kissing my nose.

And as I tried to avert my gaze, unable to bear the pain I saw in his lovely eyes, he guided my face back, urging me to look into his eyes again. But this time, there was no pain, no hurt, and no fear.

There was nothing but unadulterated love and adoration in them.

"Do you see that look in my eyes, as if I've never seen anything more beautiful or more perfect?"

He whispered yet again before giving me a tight, amorous squeeze, silently assuring me that he really would do all he could to prove to me that he never wanted to let go.

"Do you feel my arms around you, as if they can protect you from every element this world can throw at you?" he whispered in my ear, before kissing it lightly.

I nodded, shivering at the intimate contact that Logan was showering me with, but so completely ashamed at the selfishness that came with the thought of ending my life to run from my insecurities and problems.

"If you use that beautiful little golden locked head of yours to combine all those feelings that I've just proved to you that you give me every time I look at you, every time I touch you, every time I kiss you, every time I hold you, then you would know that all of that, Kendall my love – you, Kendall my angel – make me the happiest person to ever live."

I looked back into those eyes that I loved so much – now the most brilliant shade I had ever seen them – and leaned up to press my lips to Logan's again.

It was soft and sweet to start with, our lips creating the most beautiful form of waltz known to the world.

But it was obvious that Logan needed more.

And I needed more.

As we slowly pulled away from that first very innocent kiss, I noticed a look of lust and love in those eyes of his that I adored so much.

Logan leaned down, whispering huskily against my lips, "I love you so much, sweetheart," before licking his bottom lip and crashing those velvet lips down onto my own.

It wasn't long before our tongues shared a tango, beautifully and irresistibly.

Logan quickly won the lead in that tango before shifting us so that I was laying down on the bench and he was straddling me, a perfect gymnast leg on either side of me.

I allowed my shaking hands to entangle themselves in Logan's short, perfectly styled, silky raven hair, pulling lightly but passionately, not expecting the soft moan that escaped his lips against my own.

But it was a truly delicious sound, and I loved knowing that I had caused such an angel to utter such a sweet sound.

It wasn't long before Logan's hands found their way under my t-shirt, tracing each ab that I had refused to acknowledge the existence of. I couldn't help but moan at the soft, curious, anxious touch of the gorgeous boy on top of me.

I was so caught up in the pleasure and passion of the heated kiss that Logan and I were sharing that I forgot that I needed to breathe. So I pulled away, inhaling the scent of Logan.

And instead of expressing my delight at how this kiss made me feel like I did the last time, I found enough courage to move my mouth to Logan's slender neck, peppering every inch of his creamy skin with a light kiss, an action which rewarded me with another delicious moan from deep in his throat.

I moved my hands to the hem of Logan's shirt, wanting so desperately to remove the obstacle that kept me from gazing upon the body of a god. Logan eagerly helped in the conquering of this obstacle, and I was in complete awe at the sight before me.

"You are so breathtakingly beautiful, Logan," I said in a soft, breathless tone. Logan smirked that sexy half smirk, which caused me to attack his lips yet again with more heated kisses.

Pretty soon, Logan's hands made their way to the hem of my shirt, and I eagerly helped him remove it.

"Not near as beautiful as you, sweetheart," he said before trailing soft kisses all over my newly exposed skin.

I couldn't repress the loud moan that escaped my when he had kissed his way with those magical lips to the waistband of my sweatpants.

He looked at me questioningly. "Is it okay?"

I was more than ready to grant him the access we both so obviously craved until I remembered what Camille had said back at the elevator:

"_You tell me that you love me every time we have sex."_

I shook myself from my thoughts to see a very concerned Logan looking down at me.

Instead of outright rejecting him, I brought his head up to hover over mine again and lightly kissed his lips.

"I just don't want to disappoint you when I'm not as good as Camille. Unlike you, I've never done this before."

He smiled down at me, though there was a look of unmistakable anger that flashed briefly across his lovely eyes. Probably because he saw an inkling of hurt in mine. But regardless of why, that kind of a look didn't belong in those kind of eyes.

"You could never disappoint me, sweetheart. When you're ready, then we'll continue this, but not until. I can wait for you, angel," he began before I blushed wildly and leaned down to kiss me sweetly again. "And just so you know, love, I've only ever done this once with Camille and I didn't feel anything. She means nothing to me anymore. I don't think she ever has meant anything to me. Not like you do. You are my world, Kendall, and I know that when you're ready, it may as well be my first time because I know it will be unimaginably amazing. Because it's with you."

I couldn't fight the wild blush that found it's way back to my cheeks, or the giant, goofy smile that I knew was on my lips.

Logan chuckled as he sat up and pulled me into his lap again. "You're so damn adorable. You know that, right, angel?" And my cheeks turned an even darker shade of red at such a compliment.

"I love you, Logie. I love you so much," I said, surprising myself, and apparently Logan because his eyes widened and his face froze in an astonished mask. I tried to avert my gaze away from his intense stare, but he just turned my head so I was looking right back into those damn eyes.

"You don't know how amazing it makes me feel hear you say that," he began before pecking my lips lightly and continuing by saying, "I love you too, my angel."

I thought to myself that if I would have died right then and there in Logan's arms with my head cradled against his chest listening to his heartbeat as a lullaby, knowing that my best friend Logan Mitchell that I have loved my entire life loved me too, I think that would be perfect.

**So here you have it...A chapter that ends in lovely Kogan glory :) I hope you guys liked it :) And I have more in store, but if you think this is a good place to stop, please don't hesitate to let me know.**

**3**


	15. Keeping it together

**As always, thank you to my fantastical reviewers from last chapter: itrymybest, Rhett9, btrlover21, sylarbadass, KogansWolfGirl, Adrian Aluran, rainy dayz and silver dreams, DoctorWhoFan9, Kendalls Logiebear, poeticjustice13, and Hikari no Kasai. A special thank you to Rhett9, sylarbadass, Adrian Aluran, Kendalls Logiebear, and poeticjustice13 for your amazing words of encouragement :) And as always, thanks to my story alerters and favoriters. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!**

**Okay, so first, I apologize for a delayed update, and second, this next chapter is rather short, and in my opinion, rather unimpressive, but it shows more of the Kogan relationship here and poses an interesting ending, so I hope you guys enjoy Logan's POV :)**

**Still no big green belated Christmas present containing Kendall...Or any of BTR :(**

It wasn't long before I'd found myself in a scene of almost exact déjà vu with my beautiful angel sleeping in my arms, looking as peaceful as ever. But this time, the lights of L.A. illuminated an unmistakably happier air to his face, a wide smile adorning his soft lips while he succumbed to a deep slumber instead of the heartbreaking frown from the last time he had fallen asleep in my arms.

And this time, he was clothed in not a towel and my cardigan, but instead in his favorite black sweatpants and those ridiculous rain boots while his oversized plaid shirt lay dejectedly near my feet. I smirked at the very recent turn of events that had brought that shirt to its current position and turned my attention to what it had been shielding from me.

I studied his beautiful, softly defined torso and his lightly muscled arms, barely tracing the outline of each muscle with a trembling fingertip in adoration before leaning my head down to kiss his forehead.

But then as my eyes once again raked reminiscently over Kendall's arms, I noticed something that looked out of place on those toned arms of the half-clothed Greek god in my arms.

There were bright red fresh scars on his wrists next to the now faded ones that couldn't have been more than a day old.

And as I finally allowed my more rational left-brain to contemplate the state of my love's battle wounds, it became even more glaringly and painfully obvious that he had mutilated the tender flesh on his slender wrists no later than early this morning.

A single lonely tear ran down my cheek at the mental picture I got of my angel using a razor or a pocketknife to bring into the physical realm all the mental and emotional pain he's been feeling over the last few days.

I just hope that now that he knows that I love him and would do anything for him, he won't do that ever again. That his pain is over. If I have to use my own (but not nearly as convincing) Knight puppy dog look to get him to stop again, I will not hesitate.

I once again gathered him (and this time our discarded shirts) in my arms after lightly kissing each faded and fresh scar on his wrists to gently carry him to our shared room in apartment 2J.

But something was different.

My Kendall was unmistakably a few pounds lighter, proving to me that he hasn't eaten over the past few days. A thought that scared me.

This time, instead of tucking him in his bed and wrapping his blanket up around him as I had before, I gently laid him on my bed. He quickly maneuvered to curl up on his side, his knees close to his chest and his arms lethargically wrapping themselves around his bare torso, as if to silently tell me that he was cold. I smirked at his innocence before pulling off his ridiculous rain boots, kicking off my old Converses, and curling impossibly close against him. I lovingly wrapped my arms around his arms that were clinging to his torso and intertwined our fingers.

I might have been mistaken, but I could have sworn that his already Cheshire smile widened at the intimacy.

It wasn't long before I lightly kissed the back of his neck, and whispered, "I love you, my angel," and then drifted off into dreamland with a permanent smirk upon my lips and a fallen angel in my embrace.

But almost as soon as I had dozed with visions of golden blond hair and jade green eyes, I was being awakened by the sounds of hushed but harsh sobs and a light rocking of the right side of my bed.

I opened my eyes, widening them at the sight of my angel with his knees pulled to his chest, his head buried in them, and his body shaking violently with sobs as he rocked back and forth. Any sleep that still had yet to leave my body had completely dissipated at the sight.

"Kendall? What's wrong, angel?" I asked before sitting up and wrapping my arms around him, rubbing a hand soothingly up and down his back.

"It's – It's nothing, Logie," he said in a voice that was overshadowed by violent sobs.

But even though it was "nothing," he quickly uncurled himself from the fetal position next to me only so he could shift into my awaiting lap and return to it.

"Angel, I know there's something wrong. Please talk to me," I whispered as I felt him bury his head into the crook of my neck.

He looked up at me with tear-filled emerald eyes and bit his lower lip before proceeding to say anything, almost looking like a child telling his parents to check his closet for monsters before they leave.

"It-It was just-just a nightmare, Logiebear," he said in between sobs, trying so hard to avert his gaze. I felt my heart swell with love, but also pain, at the childish nickname he had just decorated me with. I probably would have blushed had it not been for the obviously emotionally wrecked angel in my arms.

"What was it about, sweetheart?" I asked in that same hushed, gentle tone as I brushed his golden bangs out of those jade orbs. I really hoped that he would open up to me and tell me what had terrified him so much so I could protect him from it.

Somehow.

I needed to.

Kendall isn't scared of anything, and he's never had nightmares before.

_What could have possibly scared my fearless angel to the point of tears and terror?_

"I'm not good enough for you, Logie."

That was the most stutter free, coherent sentence I had heard escape his lips in this scene. The pain and honesty in his broken tone was enough to bring tears to my eyes.

"What are you talking about, angel? You're beautiful and you're perfect. It is I that isn't good enough for you, sweetheart," I replied with a small smile before planting a light kiss on his lips.

"I love you so much, angel," I continued when I reluctantly pulled away from my addiction. "Please just tell me so I can protect you from it."

When his pained emerald gaze locked onto my concerned one, I knew he wasn't going to tell me.

And he's a Knight – there is no use in trying to force it out of him if he had his mind set that he would not speak of it.

_I just hope he tells me eventually because I am so worried about him..._

_What could my Kendall possibly have to fear?_

"I-I love you too, Logiebear," he began before lightly kissing me on the lips and curling deeper into my embrace.

"B-but can-can you just hold m-me now? I-I jus-just want to f-feel your arms hold-holding me together since-since I can't s-seem to do it my-myself," he continued in between sobs that were growing more intense with each word that escaped those velvet lips.

I still wanted him to tell me about his nightmare. I wanted him to talk. I was worried as hell.

But I never could refuse my Kendall.

_Maybe he'll talk tomorrow morning?_

I was just about to assure him that I was prepared to do whatever he needed me to do, whatever he wanted me to do.

But my curiosity and worry only grew when he looked me dead in the eye and fear flashed in darkening emeralds as he said, "He won't let me hold myself together."

**So, this chapter was almost pointless and rather terse, but I still hope you enjoyed it a little. Who is this "he" that Kendall is talking about? And what is being plotted in Camille's evil mastermind? ****Will Kendall talk tomorrow? Guess you'll have to see - and I'll try my best not to keep you waiting too long :)**

**LOVELOVELOVE you guys 3**


	16. Friends in Low Places

**Thank you to my lovely reviewers of last chapter: KogansWolfGirl, btrlover21, Hikari no Kasai, Rhett9, shogoki17, rainy dayz and silver dreams, DoctorWhoFan9, and sylarbadass. Even when I update with a chapter that I don't think is worth one review, you guys completely blew me away. I love you :) And to my story alerters and favoriters, I love you guys as well :) THANK YOU!**

**Okay, so with this chapter, I went back to Camille's POV, but you'll understand why with the ending :) I hope you guys enjoy this even though it's so short and it's not that fantastic****...I'm sorry for that :/ But here it is and I hope you guys like it :)**

That night was a sleepless one, as I already knew it would be.

Too many relentless thoughts invaded my head.

Hurt green eyes branded themselves into the back of my brain at the hands of my venomous words. Threatening tears from rare emeralds scarred me at the catalyst of my death glares.

But my mind's eye soon replaced those jade orbs with chocolate ones – so dull and lifeless in comparison.

And that's when anger engulfed my entire being.

That damn adorable Logan Mitchell has my flawless, gorgeous Kendall. And I can't believe that I allowed my temper to hurt my Kendall so much with that damn outburst of mine. He probably won't even want to be in the same room with me ever again.

_What am I going to do? _

_How can I make it right?_

_Can I make it right?_

At the end of this internal influx of rhetorical questions, it proved futile to further war with my sense of sound judgment that told me Kendall is gay and in love with Logan.

That proclaimed enemy had finally defeated my desires.

But if it was so inevitable that I couldn't have my Knight, then it seemed logically inevitable to me that no one should. Because no one could ever prove good enough for him. Not James, not Carlos, not Jo, and ESPECIALLY not Logan. Not even I could.

So no one should have him.

And I would make damn sure that no one could.

_But how?_

It wasn't until I realized I was absentmindedly scrolling through the contact list of my cell phone that my imagination had created a devious, painful plan when I realized whose name I had let the highlight freeze on.

A devious, painful plan that would no doubtedly hurt my Kendall.

But it would definitely and unquestionably steal him from Logan.

And hurt Logan.

And that's all I wanted at this point, no matter how painful the cost.

So after a seemingly endless, tangibly tense moment of nothing but silent tears, I let my trembling thumb press the OK button in the center of my old pink phone, connecting me with a cousin that I had always admired because I feared him.

A cousin that I hadn't really spoken to since the end of my freshman year.

But this seemed like as perfect an opportunity as ever to fly him back to L.A. And he had just recently been released from juvie…How perfect is that?

I mentally prepared myself for the conversation I was about to have with said cousin as the other end of the line rang once. Twice. Three times.

Until I heard a raspy, intimidating, "Hello?"

That voice on the line that sent chills down my spine just confirmed the fact that I could never be completely prepared for such a conversation with such a cousin.

Especially not after recalling everything I knew about him.

And everything he'd ever done to Kendall.

But that's why he was perfect for this plan.

And just as I was about to slam the phone shut, chicken out, and throw it to the floor, I subconsciously killed my awaiting cousin's obvious impatience with a barely audible, "Hello Stark."

**Oh snap - Stark is Camille's cousin! Do you guys remember him? What does Camille have planned that could involve him? I guess you'll see :) I hope you enjoyed yet another twist :)**


	17. I'll Be There To Hold You Together

**Thank you soooooo much to my reviewers of last chapter: btrlover21, sylarbadass, Rhett9, shogoki17, Hikari no Kasai, poeticjustice13, and rainy dayz and silver dreams! I love that I'm seeing recurring names in the reviews...It means so much to know that you guys are dedicated enough to this story to read and review every chapter, and I couldn't love you more for that! :D Plus, I've been seen story alerts and favoriters too so YAY! I love you all!**

**I apologize that this update took me a few days, but I wasn't entirely sure what I wanted to update next. I hope you guys are satisfied with this chapter! :) And just as a reminder in case you forgot (which is perfectly legit...I don't mind :) haha), Stark is introduced in the chapter "I'll Save You, Kendall Knight." This chapter may cause waterworks for some people because Kendall is telling Logan about his nightmare...And it's so sad :( But it's necessary...And you'll see why :)  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: While this chapter is in Kendall's P.O.V., I still do not own Kendall :( Or Big Time Rush :( Enjoy!  
><strong>

"He won't let me hold myself together," I whispered in a dead serious tone to the breathtaking man holding me lovingly in his arms.

I saw Logan's captivating slightly-creamed-coffee eyes darken with confusion as to who I was talking about, but there was also a shadow of anger at the idea of someone making me this vulnerable, blubbering baby that he wasn't used to seeing.

"Who won't let you hold yourself together, angel?" he whispered as his soft lips grazed my ear before pressing a gentle kiss to my temple and tightening his grip on me.

I wanted Logan to know. I wanted to tell him everything. I have always told him everything. I wanted to tell him about "him" and his partner in crime.

But I was terrified.

What if "he" found out that I told someone? He would no doubtedly be able to find me and make not just my life hell, but Logan's as well. And while I would've been able to survive if it was just me, I couldn't bear the thought of him finding my Logie and hurting him in any way for "taking" me from him. Or hurting him for me at all. I wasn't worth it.

And as much as I fought with myself to remain silent, against every ounce of sound judgment screaming in my mind and consuming my thoughts, I couldn't stop the story that flowed from my lips.

"Do you remember Stark?" I asked in a small voice, tears still very evident in my faltering tone.

Logan simply nodded, as if he were afraid that if he spoke, I would stop speaking. His beautiful eyes were clouded with anger and hatred toward said boy.

I tried to gain at least a little control over my tone so I could get my story out.

"Lately I've been having nightmares that he'll find me and torment me more. In the nightmare that I just had, Stark and my dad teamed up. They had me chained to a chair. I was in nothing but my boxers. There were bruises covering my body and my wrists and ankles were bleeding from trying to break free of the chains. There were burn marks covering every inch of my skin, as if Stark had taken one of his lit cigarettes that he had just taken a hit from and seared the flaming end into my flesh. There was a thick layer of duct tape so I couldn't scream."

I had to stop for a moment because I could no longer hold back the relentless sobs that wracked my body.

I was shaking and shuddering with nothing but absolute and unadulterated fear.

And just when I expected Logan to push me off his lap, yell at me for being so weak and vulnerable and possibly insane, and walk away slamming the door behind him, he pulled me impossibly closer to him, running his fingers through my damp hair and whispering a soft "shh, shh, shh, it's okay, angel," or offering promises of protection that he would never let anyone even look at his angel the wrong way in between each attempt to kiss my relentless tears away.

When I looked into his eyes to continue my tale, he was crying.

"That's not even the worst part of it though, Logie," I continued, never breaking eye contact with those heartbreakingly distressed eyes. Logan leaned down and gently kissed my lips before I continued, as if that kiss could pull out the rest of my nightmare.

And it did.

"As I was writhing, trying whatever I could to escape the machination that kept me painfully stationary, Stark and my dad were beating you and hurting you. There was nothing I could do. I had to sit there helplessly, watching. They didn't care that you are my oxygen. Each blow they aimed at you hurt me too. I could feel it physically, mentally, emotionally. Then they were just about to finish you off. Stark had a knife, telling you that I was his property and that you needed to pay for taking it away. He told you he was going to make you watch what he did to me while you teetered on the edge of life and death. But I couldn't bear to see anymore. I didn't want to see what he was going to do to me. I would never allow myself to see what he would do to you. So I forced myself to wake up."

As I finished the painful recollection of my nightmare and continued to break down in Logan's arms, he leaned down and kissed me yet again – overprotectively, lovingly, passionately, desperately. Logan took the lead in the beautiful tango of our tongues as my shaking hands clung to his neck, as if the very contact was needed to save my life, never breaking away until our lungs screamed at us that they needed air.

When Logan pulled away to fulfill our lungs' requests and wipe away my tears, he lightly kissed my cheeks and my forehead before speaking in his soft, comforting, musical voice.

"Kendall, my angel, it was just a nightmare. A frighteningly realistic one that makes me want to go out and murder Stark and your father right now in a painfully agonizing way, but a nightmare nonetheless. You are my life. I love you more than should be humanly possible. For as long as I live, I will live for you, protecting you, loving you, holding you, kissing you, all of those wonderful, beautiful things that I have recently learned is my purpose for living. I will never, ever let anyone or anything come between us…Do you trust me?"

I leaned up and whispered against his lips, "Of course I trust you, Logie," before kissing him softly.

"Stark is in juvie right now anyway. And your father is still in jail. They won't ever be able to find you. Everything will be okay, Kendall, my love."

I smiled a small smile in response to his small, sexy smirk. Of course I trust Logan. I believe every word that passes his lips – I always had.

"I love you, Logie. With a love that I don't think the rest of the world even knows exists."

He kissed the top of my head after a low chuckle, nuzzled my hair, and whispered, "I love you too, angel."

Everything was perfect.

I had Logan and Logan loved me back. Even if he could never love me as much as I have always loved him.

We're finally together.

Camille is out of the picture.

My father is out of the picture.

And more importantly, Stark is out of the picture.

There is no possible way my life could better than it is right in this moment.

Nothing will ever become Logan and I. Neither of us will let that happen.

**Awe, poor Kendall :( But Logan will be there to hold Logan together when he can't hold himself together :) And I had to throw in some cute stuff, cause a depressing chapter calls for a wrap up with cute Kogan :) I hope you guys liked this :)**


	18. Talking to Stark

**So a giant thank you, as always, to my reviewers of last chapter: Rhett9, btrlover21, KogansWolfGirl, Hikari no Kasai, poeticjustice13, MythoBoy, and sylarbadass. I love you guys and my favoriters and story alerters SO MUCH! You guys make me blush with some of your reviews cause they are just so amazing :)**

**So this is one of two updates for the night :) I was in such a writing mood today :) The first one is in Camille's POV when she's talking to her cousin, Stark. It ends in a bit of a cliffhanger for the simple fact that I'm still not 100 percent sure which plan I thought of that I want Camille to tell Stark hahaha. And I know you all hate Camille, but this is almost necessary to throw in. I hope you enjoy!**

**And no, I still do not own BTR :(**

"Hello Stark."

I heard shuffling on the other end of the line, as if he were shifting the phone to a more comfortable position on his ear.

"Camille. My lovely cousin…It's been too long. What's up?" Stark replied in his usual chilling, raspy tone. It didn't matter how casual he was trying to sound – I knew he just wanted to know why I was calling him. He was always busy, preoccupied, and always in a rush to cut straight to the chase.

"Do you remember Kendall Knight?" I asked, wanting to hear his reaction at the sound of Kendall's name again after the last few years.

He chuckled menacingly before replying, but that chuckle told me all I needed to know. "Of course I remember Knight. I could never forget him. How is that one?"

"He's with Logan Mitchell now," I answered, my voice putting a venomous edge on Logan's name, cutting straight to the statement that I knew would make him flip head over heels for my plan. If there was only one thing I knew about my cousin Stark, it's the fact that he hated Logan because Logan was always around Kendall.

And as much as he outwardly loathed Kendall, I knew that he thought Kendall belonged to him and thought he had complete control over the lovely blond in question – which he most likely did. He was terrifying enough to.

So the mention of Kendall belonging to someone else – especially Logan Mitchell – was enough to send him into a murderous mood.

"WHAT?" he screamed through the receiver, loud enough that I thought my right ear drum had possibly burst.

"Knight shouldn't be with anyone. He is MY property. How could he forget that? How could Mitchell, of all people, forget that?" he paused for a brief moment, trying to regain his composure after his outburst.

"You all still in L.A.?" he asked in a still enraged, but slightly calmer, tone.

_Bingo! Now he'll do whatever I say…_

"Yeah…And I wanted to ask you to fly out here anyway. I have a plan to get Kendall away from Logan. And from anyone else who thinks that he'll be theirs. I called you for help."

He chuckled that menacing chuckle yet again before responding. "I taught you well, didn't I, Camille? Lay it on me, cuz."

I smiled a devious little smile before continuing.

"Here's what I think needs to go down…"

**Uh-oh! What's next? Well, next is just a cute Kogan/Jarlos and friendship chapter...After all this suspense and drama, I felt I owed you all a complete cutesy chapter :)**


	19. Breakfast time

**Okay, so here is the second update of the night :) And this is the cutesy friendship/Kogan/Jarlos chapter for you all :) I hope you enjoy it. I felt like you all needed a break from suspense and drama, so I wrote this chapter :)**

**And no, I still haven't acquired Kendall, Logan, James, or Carlos :(**

The next morning when I woke up, I smiled a wide, loving smile at the sight. Kendall was still curled up adorably in my arms, clinging to me for dear life. His bare chest rose and fell in a sleep-laden pattern, and I couldn't help but think to myself how beautiful he is. I just wish he could see how damn cute he is with that small smile on his lips and his golden bangs pushed to the side that would reveal his brilliant eyes had they been open. I didn't want to leave, but I wanted to surprise him by making his favorite breakfast – eggs, bacon, and buttered toast.

I shimmied out of the angelic blond's grasp, careful not to disturb his peaceful slumber. I lightly kissed his forehead before quickly tiptoeing out of our room into the kitchen.

But when I shut the door silently behind me, I saw Carlos and James already wide awake, the Latino's arms wrapped around the pretty boy's bare torso, resting his usually helmet-clad head on the toned, tanned shoulder of his tall brunette boyfriend, who was ironically cooking aforementioned eggs, bacon, and buttered toast.

"Good morning, Logan!" Carlos called loudly and vibrantly as soon as he noticed I had exited my room.

"Hey, Logan," James said shortly after, smiling at the hyper antics of his little Latino boyfriend before turning to kiss him lightly on the forehead.

I chuckled at the light pink dusting that surprisingly showed on Carlos's very tan complexion, and smiled softly at the two lovebirds.

"Need any help cooking, guys?" I asked as I made my way into the kitchen.

"Nah, everything's under control here, Logan," James answered with a soft smile. Then he turned to Carlos.

"Carlos, dear, will you set the table? Breakfast is served!"

Carlos skipped to the cupboards and the refrigerator without hesitation gathering four plates, four forks, and four glasses of orange juice.

"Mama Knight and Katie are out with Tyler and his mom at an audition, so I thought that I would treat us all to Kendall's favorite breakfast. Especially since Kendall has seemed so upset lately. I wanted to cheer him up," James told me with a sweet smile as he carried the freshly cooked food to the table and took his seat next to Carlos. Then he looked around confusedly before asking, "By the way, where is Kendall?"

"He was still asleep. I woke up before him and I was actually going to make this exact breakfast for him, but it looks like you and Carlos are way ahead of me," I said with a chuckle.

"That's what you get for being a sleepyhead!" Carlos exclaimed before taking a giant bite of his scrambled eggs, causing James and I to burst out laughing.

But then, the look on the always happy face of the Latino turned more serious. "Is Kendall okay?"

With that sentence, James turned to me as well. Concern highlighted their features at the mention of the tall, blond, youngest member of our group.

"He will be. I am never, EVER going to let anything or anyone hurt my angel again. I love him too much to see him hurting. His pain hurts me too. And he knows that I will be there to protect him and that I will NEVER let anything or anyone come between us."

James and Carlos smiled widely at me before they chorused a harmonious, "AWE!" and a deep blush broke out on my face.

"I can't believe it took you two so long to realize you were completely PERFECT for each other!" Carlos exclaimed with an amused look on his face.

"Yeah, Kendall has so obviously been in love with you forever, and you have been so obviously in love with him too, whether you knew it or not," James added to his boyfriend's statement.

"Oh yeah? Well, I can't believe it took YOU two so long to realize that YOU as well were completely perfect for each other!" I rebutted with a smirk.

We all chuckled at our blindness that had just recently been cured.

"Go wake up 'your angel,'" James said with a wide smirk and a sparkle in his eye as he air-quoted "your angel," which I couldn't help but blush deeper at. "His favorite breakfast is getting cold, and you could easily be considered a terrible boyfriend for letting his precious bacon freeze," he continued before he and Carlos burst out laughing.

So, with my face the color of a crimson sunset, I retreated back into the room my angel had been sleeping in.

I went over to the side of my bed that we had fallen asleep in and leaned down to lightly kiss his lips.

Just as I pulled away, his brilliant emeralds fluttered open.

"I could get used to waking up that way," Kendall said in a soft tone while brushing his lips against mine again.

I smiled into the kiss. "And I could get used to waking you that way."

"So, what's up, Logiebear?" he asked while wiping sleep from those captivating eyes.

"Well, I got up before you to make your favorite breakfast, but Carlos and James beat me to it. But now it's getting cold, and James told me I could easily be considered a terrible boyfriend if I let you sleep while your bacon sat on your plate getting cold."

Kendall chuckled a low, musical chuckle and his jades sparkled. "Well, James was correct," he said before kissing my lips lightly again. "And as much as I enjoy kissing you, I enjoy eating my bacon too," he continued with yet another melodic chuckle.

"I love you and your adorableness," I whispered in his ear before bringing my lips to gently kiss his temple.

"I love you too, Logiebear," he said smiling before pulling me into a hug.

"Now, let's go eat our breakfast."

**I hope you liked this cutesy, light-hearted chapter :)**


	20. Stark's Arrival

**So thank you to the reviewers of the last two chapters: Hikari no Kasai, Rhett9, shogoki17, KogansWolfGirl, MythoBoy, and btrlover21 :) I still love you guys dearly! And my story alerters and favoriters too :)**

**So I have been on quite a roll with updating lately - two more for you tonight :) The first one is in Camille's POV when you get to see Stark and how Camille perceives him...I hope you guys enjoy this. This and the next chapter are the beginning of the "plan" drama. HINT: Pay close attention to the description of Stark...It'll come in handy in the next chapter :) Enjoy!**

**No, still no BTR in my possession :(**

That morning I paced impatiently back and forth in the crowded LAX airport with my arms crossed tightly against my chest, as if to mentally prepare myself, impatiently and warily awaiting Stark's arrival. As soon as we got off the phone last night, he rushed to the nearest airport and pickpocketed some money off an oblivious passerby, taking the earliest possible flight from Minnesota to L.A.

"Flight 1102 from Minnesota to L.A. is now arriving," the entirely-too-cheery lady announced over the loudspeaker.

That's when I started wringing my hands nervously and my body started trembling like a palm tree in a hurricane.

Yeah, I was excited that my cousin had agreed to help me out with my extensive plan, and it had been three years since I'd last seen him, but he truly was a terrifying guy. His very aura seemed put everyone he came into contact with in a tangible state of uneasiness.

And most likely, rightfully so.

My nervousness only grew when I caught sight of unruly raven hair coming toward me. I didn't recognize the owner of it. The young man about my age seemed much too attractive, way too tall, and much more muscular than I ever remember my cousin Stark being. And Stark had blond hair – not as golden as Kendall's, but blond nonetheless. But he was coming toward me.

And as soon as I caught sight of those piercing icy blue eyes that were unmistakably recognizable, even if only in a nightmare, I knew the surprisingly muscular and shockingly now-attractive, six foot tall owner of that unruly raven hair was not in fact a stranger, but indeed a very much changed Stark.

If it wasn't for that chilling smirk and those icy eyes, I would have never recognized him.

But as he caught sight of me, he sauntered through the throng of people completely untouched. There was nothing but pure and unadulterated coldness in those blue eyes of his.

"Camille, there you are, cuz," he began before dropping his bags at my feet. That raspy tone, had I not seen it come from Stark's mouth, could easily be mistaken for the voice of the Grim Reaper himself.

And I could have very easily confused Stark for the Grim Reaper with his spiky, newly raven hair, icy blue eyes, alabaster complexion, raspy, chilling voice, and monochromatic ebony ensemble, adorned with heavy black combat boots and a black leather jacket.

"Hey Stark. It's been q-quite awhile, hasn't it?" I said in a small voice, attempting to make casual small talk with the intimidating family member in front of me, but my voice faltered and a stutter came out, leaving the sentence a bit less convincing than I would have liked.

"That it has, cuz. Three whole years. You look good, cuz," he said with that paralyzing smirk edging into his voice and a hand resting on my shoulder.

"Th-thanks. You too," I replied, stuttering yet again and looking like a complete coward in front of one of the most fearless, intense people I've ever met.

As much as I wanted to avoid his haunting gaze, I couldn't tear my eyes away. I felt like those eyes were prying into my soul. Aside from Kendall, Stark's gaze was one of the most captivating I'd ever come across. Almost hypnotizing, like he could get anyone to succumb to his every beck and call whether they consciously realized they were or not.

_That's probably one of the things that makes Stark so obviously terrifying…But also so perfect for this plan. And seeing as how I barely recognized him, this plan will go much smoother than I originally intended._

"Well, what are we waiting for, cuz? We've got work to do," he said before slinging his bags over his left shoulder and grabbing my wrist with his right hand to pull me toward the Palmwoods.

_We have a lot of ground to cover._

**Well, now you can visualize Stark...And Stark and Camille begin their plan :) I hope you liked it :)**


	21. Icy Eyes

**So here's the second update of the night...Kendall's POV. And a "new" person that hangs out with Camille lives at the Palmwoods now ****:) Any guesses who? I hope you paid attention to the description of Stark...It comes in handy this chapter :) I hope you enjoy it!**

After my favorite breakfast that James and Carlos had prepared, and after Gustavo had called me and so informed us that he didn't need us to come in that day because he was stuck on a new song for the album, I retreated into the room I shared with my Logie and changed into my favorite green swim trunks. It was a perfect day to just lounge by the pool with my beautiful boyfriend and my two best friends.

_Maybe I'll even write a new song. Better grab my guitar in case inspiration hits, _I thought to myself with a small smile as I located my old, tattered song journal and my vintage acoustic guitar laying near the bedside table that used to separate Logan's bed from mine…Until recently when we pushed them together so we could fall asleep in each others arms.

"Kendall, sweetheart, are you ready?" Logan called from the other side of our closed cherry wood door.  
>I smiled a wide smile and a deep blush appeared on my cheeks at the sound of being called sweetheart by the man I never even imagined could love me back. It wasn't as deep a blush as when he called me angel, but it still made my heart swell with irrevocable love for him.<p>

"Yeah, you, James, and Carlos can head down. I'll be just another minute," I called back as I made my way to the bedside table to gather up my song journal and my guitar.

I heard the door to the apartment close, indicating that my boyfriend and my friends had indeed listened to me when I told them to head down without me. I quickly grabbed my sunglasses with my barely free left hand before closing the bedroom door behind me and opening the door to the hallway. When I turned around to pull the door shut as best as I could with full hands, I didn't realize the butt of my guitar had hit into someone that was walking past in the hallway until I heard a raspy, "Ouch, watch it!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry! Are you alright?" I asked turning to the figure that had just spoken.

When I turned around, I came face to face with a six foot tall, muscular, raven haired guy about my age that was holding his rib cage. Apparently that's where my guitar had hit him.

But the thing that really pulled me in about this guy was his eyes. They were a piercing icy blue that I don't completely remember ever seeing before, but they tugged at the back of my mind, telling me that if I had seen them, it was in a nightmare.

Said owner of those strange eyes smirked at my flustered composure.

"It's fine. I should have been watching where I was going," he said in a voice that, to be honest, completely chilled me to the bone.

I felt so unnerved around this stranger, but I couldn't quite figure out why. Never before had I seen him around the Palmwoods, and I thought I knew everyone.

_He must be new._

I didn't even realize he had stuck out his hand to introduce himself until I finally forced myself to look away from those haunting eyes when he said, "By the way, my name's Storm. I just moved here this morning."

I smiled an uneasy smile before nodding, seeing as my hands were preoccupied with sunglasses, my guitar, and my song journal at the moment.

"I'm Kendall," I said. "Nice to meet you."

Even though I didn't really think it was nice to meet him. Honestly, his very presence and the way he was so intensely studying me scared me to death.

And those eyes – they seemed to turn even colder at the sound of my name.

_I swear I've seen those eyes before…But where?_

"So, you look like you're headed to the pool. Would you like a hand with some of that stuff?"

He stared deep into my eyes – so intensely and frighteningly that I wanted nothing more than to be away from him and to never come across him again.

"No, I've got it all under control. Thanks though, Storm. I'll probably see you around," I said, only to be polite, but sincerely hoping that I never saw him again. It had to be those eyes…

"I'm sure you will," he replied with another bone-chilling smirk and a wink of one icy eye before brushing past me down the hallway.

As I walked, almost zombie-like, down to the pool, I kept feeling like I was being watched or followed. I clung tightly to my guitar, hoping against all hope that if someone was watching me or following me, it was anyone else but that creepy Storm guy. I wanted nothing more than to find Logan. Logan would make me feel safe. He always did.

Soon enough, when I finally made it to the pool, I spotted Logan lounging in his favorite chair. Carlos and James were wrestling in the pool. Camille and Jo were studying me intensely.

_Maybe their eyes were the ones I could have sworn I felt watching my every move…_

I made my way to the empty chair next to my gorgeous boyfriend, dropping my guitar, sunglasses, and song journal onto the empty seat, all nerves and uneasiness fading when he spotted me, stood up, and kissed me lightly on the lips.

"Hey angel. You gonna write a song?" he asked as he embraced me.

"I was thinking about it, but I'm not sure. I brought my stuff in case inspiration hit," I answered with a chuckle before Logan sat back in his chair and I shoved my belongings aside to collapse into the one beside him.

He moved his chair against mine, so he could grab my hand easier, and I couldn't fight the blush that arose on my cheeks.

But that blush completely faded and I could feel my face completely draining of all color when I caught a glimpse of that new Storm guy glaring at Logan from across the pool. Glaring so intensely that if looks really could kill, my oblivious, perfect boyfriend would have dropped dead a million times over.

He was now sitting next to Camille, though I could have sworn he wasn't there a moment ago.

But rather than converse with Camille and Jo, that icy, terror-inciting gaze was completely frozen on my lovely boyfriend.

It wasn't long before he must have felt my gaze studying him because those cold eyes completely melted when he locked eyes with me. I saw something shadow that piercing blue shade…almost possessiveness of me.

And I would be lying if I said it didn't horrify me to the very core.

"Angel, are you alright? You are all of a sudden abnormally pale, even for you."

Logan's musical voice interrupted my complete terror, but I still couldn't break eye contact with the nightmarish eyes across the pool, no matter how desperately I wanted to.

When I finally found the strength to, I turned to Logan. He was still looking at me, obviously very concerned for my complete change in demeanor. He then looked across the pool at the very man that I had been so paralyzed by.

"Who is that, sweetheart?" he asked, rubbing a hand up and down my bare arm as if for comfort.

I shook myself from my fear, focusing entirely on my beautiful boyfriend and his loving, warm eyes, the complete opposite of the ones that I could feel still on us – ice blue ones to be exact.

"Some new guy named Storm. I ran into him in the hallway on my way down here. He says he's new," I replied in a small tone, refusing to let my eyes fall from lovely chocolate ones.

Logan looked back at Storm, this time noticing how intently and possessively his gaze was stuck on me.

"Well, I really don't like the way he's looking at you. He looks like he thinks he owns you. Well, I'm sorry, buddy, but this beautiful golden haired angel is all mine," he said, his eyes still burning holes into the side of Storm's head.

_I don't like the way he's looking at me either…_

**So I really hope you guys figured out who "Storm" is :) Things are just beginning :) I hope you enjoyed!**_  
><em>


	22. To Hell With Logical Logan!

**Thank you to my reviewers of the last two chapters: SassyLadyStriking, Rhett9, Hikari no Kasai, btrlover21, KogansWolfGirl, itrymybest, MythoBoy, ..Apart, nigel small, rainy dayz and silver dreams, and sylarbadass. I LOVE LOVE LOVE you guys SOOOO much! And to those story alerters and favoriters, I love love love you all too! Also, to those who used to be pretty consistent with reviews but haven't been lately, I still love you guys to death because you've gotten me this far, whether you're still reading or not, though I hope you are :)** **I'm sure you guys are just busy...trust me, I understand being busy!**

**So this next chapter is kind of a filler, but it's in Logan's POV, and it shows his anger and hostility toward this new guy who thinks he can own HIS Kendall...I enjoyed writing it, I just hope you all enjoy reading it :)**

**And no matter how determined I am, I still don't own BTR :( But I hope you still enjoy this, even if it's not my best. :)**

Who the hell does this new kid think he is, undressing my angel with his eyes? Kendall is MINE…And I REALLY don't like the way his creepy eyes shadow with possessiveness when they look at MY love.

Call it my crazy possessiveness of Kendall, or my complete love for Kendall, or my incomparable intuition, that turns me into a green-eyed monster of jealously whenever anyone looks at Kendall the exact way that damn new kid is right now, but there was something very unsettling about that icy eyed guy across the pool that really made my blood boil and my temper flare.

And I couldn't help but shake the thought that I'd seen those eyes before. They weren't easily forgettable.

I just couldn't for the life of me remember where.

But when his gaze locked back with mine and flared with hatred and murderous intent, I knew.

My mind took me back to middle school and freshman year, to the bane of my existence and Kendall's – to a 5 foot 2, disgusting blond haired, icy eyed demon.

Stark.

But as I studied him more and more, the only feature that this guy had that matched Stark's was those eyes.

And Stark is in juvie in Minnesota.

So I quickly shrugged it off, replacing Stark's burning image in the back of my brain with this new kid Storm's.

Who knows? There have to be more people than Stark out there with those eyes. This Storm punk is probably just one of them.

As I ended the war flashing in both my eyes' and Storm's and snuck a glance at my distressed and paranoid golden-haired, emerald-eyed angel, completely zoned in on the frightening guy across the pool, I silently prayed that he had suppressed the memory of Stark so far back in his mind because of all the hurt and trauma that devil's spawn had caused him that he wouldn't make the same connection I just did.

Plus, Kendall had always tried his hardest to ignore looking Stark in the eye when he and his cronies threw their aspersions and fists at him. In fact, I'm not even sure he could describe Stark, because every time a venomous word or punch flew, Kendall would avert his gaze or close his eyes, as if silently hoping that if he never laid those pretty eyes on Stark and his crew, they would disappear, or cease to exist.

But then I remembered that nightmare he told me about – about Stark and his father – and as soon as he looked back into my eyes with jades clouded by fear, terror, and every other horrid thing I'd rarely ever seen in them and hated seeing now, I knew he had.

He remembered those eyes. Whether he remembered the owner of them, I'm not sure, so I kept quiet until he opened his mouth to speak.

With Kendall's emerald eyes still boring into mine, every last bit of color drained from his beautiful face as he whispered in a broken, barely audible tone, "I know where I've seen those eyes before."

I pulled him into a bone-crushing hug, rubbed my hand tenderly up and down his back, and whispered in his ear, "Yes, angel, me too. But Stark is in juvie all the way across the country in Minnesota. And Stark and Storm have nothing but those creepy eyes in common, okay? It'll be okay, sweetheart. Stark will never find you ever again, Kendall, and if this damn new kid tries anything to take you away from me, I will kill him."

I couldn't help but be taken aback at the raw honesty in my tone, and I could tell by the way Kendall tensed in my arms that he was as well.

But when we pulled apart from our hug, I laced my fingers with his and kissed him on the lips in a kiss so tender, so sweet, so loving, that I could tell neither of us wanted to end. But when it did, I rested my forehead against his to look into his gorgeous, but now heartbreaking, eyes.

"Storm scares me, Logie. I just met him today and I'm already terrified of him," Kendall whispered in a barely audible, tear laden voice. "It's those eyes. It has to be. Every time I look into them, I see Stark, no matter how glaringly different the two are, or how far away he is, or how long it's been since I've come into contact with him."

"Everything will be just fine, angel," I began, kissing away Kendall's soft tears. "I will never, ever let anyone hurt you. And in his case, I will do my best to make sure he is never left alone with you if he makes you feel so scared, okay sweetheart? I will protect you."

Kendall slowly nodded his head against mine before pecking me lightly on the lips and whispering in a tone so sincere and so desperate, "I love you so much, Logie. Please never leave me."

I brushed his dwindling tears away with my thumb and felt tears of my own threatening to fall at the thought of my angel thinking I could ever be away from him. Thinking I could live without him. Thinking I could breathe without him. Thinking I could even function without him.

"I wouldn't dream of it, angel. I'm not going anywhere. Didn't I tell you? You are my life."

And with that adorable small smile after my own small smirk, I knew he believed me.

"I love you, sweetheart," I continued before pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.

As Kendall buried his head in the crook of my neck and slung his arms around my waist as if he never wanted to let me go, my eyes locked again with Storm's, still in the same position, still with that murderous glint to his icy eyes when he looked at me.

I narrowed my eyes, pretty convinced that the same murderous glint in his eyes was very present in mine.

I mouthed the words, _You stay away from my angel_, slowly and clearly, knowing he would have to be completely blind if he couldn't make out what I was trying to say.

And with a malicious smirk and another possessive glance at the lovely boy in my arms, he slowly stood up and sauntered away.

_That son of a bitch_, I thought to myself, never letting my death glare fall from him until he was no longer in sight.

_If he does anything to hurt my Kendall, or attempts to tear us apart, I will kill him_.

But then my more logical left-brain invaded on these foreign murderous thoughts.

_Would I really kill someone for Kendall? I have never been a violent person, and I've never even entertained the thought of murdering someone…_

It wasn't long ago that I realized that I needed Kendall in my life as more than a best friend, that I probably always had, that I so desperately wanted to be the one he loved, that I so completely loved him and most likely always had, that his pain broke my heart more than my own, that I wanted to spend every moment of my life with this beautiful angel…

And now I was so completely convinced that if it really came to it, I would do anything to keep him safe and in my arms.

That if it really came to it, I really would kill someone for him.

To hell with logical Logan!

The only thing that matters to me anymore is Kendall – his happiness, his love, his kisses, his touch, his eyes, his smile, his beauty, the feeling of him in my arms, the thought that I can shield him from everything that threatens to hurt him.

And now that Kendall, and his love for me, and my love for him, had completely usurped my logical side, I knew without a doubt that I would do whatever I needed to keep my beautiful, angelic boyfriend safe, happy, and in my arms for as long as we both lived.

Storm would be wise not to cross my path and attempt to take away from me that only thing that matters to me…

My oxygen supply.

The beat of my heart.

The electricity running through my veins.

My reason for existence.

My love.

My life.

My angel.

My Kendall.

**So Logan is through being logical...And he's out for blood if Storm does anything to hurt his Kendall or take his Kendall away from him. It's dangerously adorable to see Logan that way, at least in my opinion. I hope you enjoyed! :D**


	23. ONLY AN AUTHOR'S NOTE

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

So I apologize that this is not another chapter and merely an author's note, but I know you guys will enjoy what I'm going to share.

For those of you who want Camille and Stark/Storm dead and out of Kendall and Logan's lives, you absolutely HAVE to go read a one-shot written by one of my many faithful reviewers who goes by the name MythoBoy. The one-shot was inspired by this fanfic, and is called "The Death He Deserves." I read it and absolutely adore it…I know you guys will too!

And as for another update, I just started the spring semester of college on Monday so I have had homework and college things to do, but I PROMISE that the next update will be up AS SOON AS I HAVE TIME. Plus, my creativity is kind of broken at the moment, but I'm going to do my best to have an update by Sunday AT THE LATEST! I hope…And I really hope you guys can wait that long. I'm sooo sorry for the delay, but in the meantime, read MythoBoy's wonderful one-shot. :)

Here's the link: Obviously it's , but here's the last part of it...After the net, s/7773290/1/

I love you guys! And thank you for sticking by me :)


	24. I knew we'd see each other around

**First off, as always, THANK YOU SO ABSOLUTELY MUCH to my reviewers of last chapter (not the author's note - the real last chapter :) haha): btrlover21, sylarbadass, MythoBoy, KogansWolfGirl, itrymybest, poeticjustice13, Hikari no Kasai, shogoki17, and rainy dayz and silver dreams. You guys are absolutely phenomenal and I love you soo much :) Also, I love my story alerters and favoriters as well :)**

**Also, another thanks to MythoBoy for writing a fantastic one-shot in which our evildoer Stark/Storm meets his dire end. I still loved it. And if you guys haven't read it yet, I really think you should. You'll love it. Details are in my author note :)**

**And now for my long string of apologies for keeping you all waiting. I am so, so, soooo sorry that I haven't updated as consistently as before, but it's all explained in my author's note as to why, and I just hope you all understand. This update just randomly hit me today in my one class, however, so I had to make myself time to sit down and write it, and plus, I knew you guys were dying from anticipation for more :) haha jk jk. In any case, I really hope you all enjoy this chapter in Kendall's POV. It's got a lovely little twist at the end, because I love twists. It just makes the happy endings that much happier :)**

**And no, I still don't own BTR, though I did enter a contest to meet them...That will probably never happen though :/ So while I reach for the impossible, enjoy this update. :D**

TIME SKIP: A FEW DAYS LATER

I awoke to someone running their fingers through my disheveled hair, and smiled a Cheshire smile, knowing by the way my heart fluttered that the touch belonged to my beautiful Greek god.

I sleepily lifted my head from his chest, making sure sleep was completely rubbed from my eyes so I could look into those beautiful chocolate eyes that belonged to my equally beautiful boyfriend.

Logan kissed my forehead softly and pulled away smiling.

"Good morning, Angel," he said in that melodic lovely voice.

"Good morning, Logiebear," I replied, another wide smile creeping to my lips before leaning in to kiss Logan's upturned velvet lips, a gazillion times sweeter than Betty Crocker.

"As much as I would love nothing more than to stay like this all day with you adorably melded into my side, looking at me with those gorgeous greens like you are right now while I twirl my fingers through your lovely golden locks, interspersing our intense staring contests with little kisses, we have to get out of bed and get ready to go to Rocque Records. James came in while you were still asleep, and he told me that Gustavo called and said he had finally concocted brilliant idea that he wants to share with us today in about an hour."

I sighed dejectedly, slightly pouting, willing the phone next to our pushed-together beds to ring, wishing that I could pick it up and hear Gustavo telling us that we could stay home yet again today. But it had been quite awhile since we'd been to Rocque Records because Gustavo insisted he was thinking of a way to boost Big Time Rush's popularity, and after a few more minutes passed in which neither Logan or I had stirred, I knew that phone would remain silent, and as comfortable as I was, I kissed Logan lightly on those delicious lips again before shifting out of his embrace and shuffling to my dresser.

"You're so adorable, angel," Logan stated with that sexy smirk, sitting up and tossing his favorite green blanket aside in a crumpled ball at his bare feet.

My breath caught in my throat when I studied my beautiful boyfriend's half-naked marble body, but then I felt my cheeks explode with heat when he noticed my intense gaze and smirked that sexy, heart-fluttering smirk again.

"I-I'm gonna get a-a shower," I stuttered when I finally found my voice again, though my gaze was still locked on anything but the boy who made me blush like a schoolgirl.

"You are so cute," Logan whispered as he lifted my face to look into my eyes before he kissed my cheek and left the room.

As I showered, I couldn't help but think of Storm and how completely terrified I was of him – especially since I hadn't seen him since that day we met, and that day he mentally murdered Logan and claimed me with that icy gaze from across the pool.

But I wasn't his.

And I wasn't Stark's.

I was no one's but Logan's.

And Logan is mine. Even though I'll never understand how such a flawless Greek god can love me the way Logan says he does.

I'm nothing that special, but apparently Logan and Storm disagree with me.

After a quick bite of breakfast and light small talk between Logan, James, Carlos, and I, we made our way up toward Gustavo's office.

We hadn't been to Rocque Records since Camille's harsh words and Logan's sigh-worthy, melt-worthy songs. Naturally, I was a little apprehensive, but with Logan's fingers intertwined perfectly with mine, I knew I would be okay.

However, not even the feel of Logan wrapping his arms around my waist when we finally stopped in front of Gustavo sitting at his desk in his office could chase away this feeling I got that something terrible was going to happen today.

"Dogs! It's been awhile. I would ask how you all are, but right now, I have a much more important reason for bringing you here."

Gustavo's booming voice was actually a comfort considering it had been awhile since we'd heard it.

But I still had that feeling in my gut, and I knew that Logan noticed something was off about me. I know he would have asked what was on my mind, had it not been for Gustavo pressing on with his news, barely giving himself time to take a breath, and in turn, barely giving us time to process what he was saying.

"So, I've decided that in order for Big Time Rush to 'Elevate' like we want to, we need to elevate the number of you guys."

_Elevate the number of us? So how many of us did Gustavo want? And why wasn't four enough? It had always been – and as far as I was concerned, always would be – the four hockey players from Minnesota that just so happened to be best friends. _

_Who would Gustavo find?_

But these thoughts, and my boyfriend's and two best friend's shocked faces, were interrupted when Gustavo still continued.

"I found someone who will be the PERFECT addition to Big Time Rush. And since fiercely loyal and stubborn Kendall over there is a TERRIBLE bad boy, Griffin and I found you guys a new one. But this time, we're not threatening to get rid of one of you. Griffin and I have decided that four is good, but five is better," Gustavo said with that smirk of his, holding up five thick, ring-clad fingers on an equally thick hand.

As I looked around at Logan, James, and Carlos, their shocked and confused faces merely matched my own.

_Where was Gustavo going to find a 'bad boy' to be our fifth member?_

"Um, Gustavo? If you don't mind me asking, how are you going to find a bad boy? Don't you remember the disaster that was 'Wayne Wayne'?" my adorably logical boyfriend asked with a cocked eyebrow.

He looked so adorable when he was being all logical. And he was equally adorable when he was confused. So this confused, logical Logan that stood impossibly close to me with an arm protectively around my waist made my heart absolutely swell.

"Yeah, we really don't need another member. The four of us are great together. If we get another member, he's just going to feel left out for awhile until we get to know him because us four have known each other for practically our whole lives," James added while Carlos, with an arm looped lovingly through James's, nodded in agreement.

I remained speechless.

I still couldn't shake the terrible feeling that I got deep in my gut about this. But I couldn't pinpoint why.

"In case you dogs heard me wrong, I already FOUND you boys a fifth dog. And he is NOT a Wayne Wayne. I would never hire anyone remotely similar to that boy. And I don't care if you don't know him! You'll end up being best friends with him because you guys are STUCK with him!" Gustavo yelled, slamming his hands on his desk as he stood from his unnaturally comfy chair to emphasize his frustration with the fact that we didn't just nod and say "yes sir." Not that we had ever done that before. But it was almost as if he still expected it for whatever reason.

Just then, the tension-laced air was cut by Griffin's voice coming around the corner.

"Hello, boys," he said with that unsettling smirk of his.

"I want you boys to meet the fifth member of Big Time Rush," he continued, still smirking, waving his bodyguards to step aside.

But when they did, they revealed the last person I wanted to see.

The person that gave me the chills when his eyes fell on me.

The person that mentally murdered my Greek god boyfriend for merely holding my hand by the pool.

A person with jet-black hair and icy blue eyes that reminded me of a haunting past that I still couldn't quite put a finger on.

"Carlos, James, Logan, Kendall," Griffin began, acknowledging each of us when he said our names with those eyes that always seemed to have a mischievous glint to them.

"This is Storm."

As soon as his name passed Griffin's lips, and as soon as his lips curved into that terrifying smirk whenever that possessive glint returned to those icy, haunting eyes when his piercing gaze lay on me, I found myself death-gripping Logan's arm from my position now slightly behind him, for he had lightly nudged me there as soon as his entrancing chocolate eyes fell on Storm.

The way James and Carlos looked at me as I trembled and shook with fear in the presence of Storm told me that they too were slightly unnerved by this newcomer, though they seemed to be internally battling with themselves as to why. They just knew that if I was afraid of this guy - when I, Kendall Knight, wasn't supposed to be afraid of anything - then they would be too.

"Kendall," Storm began in that raspy, horrifying voice as he took two steps closer to me and every pair of eyes in the room studied him.

If I hadn't known Logan as well as I did, I could have sworn I heard a low growl escape from deep in his throat when Storm took yet another step in my direction, those icy, possessive eyes never leaving me.

"I knew we'd see each other around."

**Oh no! Storm is going to be Big Time Rush's bad boy! Kendall just can't get away from him, and Logan can't help but want to deck him with some sort of sharp object. I hope you guys liked this :)**


	25. I would know that voice anywhere

**Thank you, as always, to my lovely reviewers of last chapter: itrymybest, btrlover21, sylarbadass, MythoBoy, Hikari no Kasai, shogoki17****, and my PM reviewers nigel small and poeticjustice13. Also, a giant thank you to my story alerters and favoriters as well. I seriously love you guys so much that I wish I could give you all cookies or something :)**

**So, I apologize for the delay in updating, but I'm sooo busy, and I still will be so updates probably won't be as consistent as they used to be, but I'm going to try my hardest. You may need to look over the last chapter again for a refresher because it's been so long :/ But I hope you all enjoy this update. It's INTENSE. :D**

I was BEYOND the point of remaining calm, and FAR beyond the point of anger.

I could not BELIEVE that Gustavo hired STORM, of ALL people, to be the fifth member of Big Time Rush!

I clung to my Kendall for dear life, slightly nudging him behind me, as if I could shield him from that unnerving, icy, possessive gaze.

James and Carlos shot me matching, worried glances, but I shot them a look letting them know that I'd explain later. Right now, that demon needed to stop looking at my angel like that.

"Good to see you again, _Mitchell_," Storm spat as his eyes narrowed into an evil death glare and locked with mine, emphasizing my last name with pure venom.

I really wanted to punch him right there, so hard that he'd be unconscious forever, but I knew Griffin, Gustavo, and Kelly were still there, so I refrained and instead let out a growl that surprisingly had taken the form of his loathsome name.

"_Storm_."

"Well, it looks like Kendall and Logan have already met Storm. That's great! Now I've got to go…my pants are cold. But good luck making friends with the newest member of BTR!" Griffin exclaimed with a clap of his hands and a cheery tone that seemed highly inappropriate to background the horrific staring contest between Storm and I. But he flounced away, bodyguards in tow, seemingly unaware of the fact that Storm and I had mentally murdered each other, brutally and agonizingly, about twenty times already.

Or he just didn't care, which seemed more accurate where Griffin was concerned. As long as we made him money…

"Yeah, we'll just leave you dogs to bond with the new dog for a few minutes while I go set up the sound booth so we can figure out whose voices blend best with Storm's. Come on, Kelly," Gustavo said before walking out toward the rehearsal room where he wrote some of our songs.

Kelly was hesitant, no doubt sensing the hostility and tension that shrouded the office, but eventually waved a shaky goodbye and followed Gustavo out the door, closing it behind her.

Which left me, my angel, and my two best friends stuck in a room with Storm.

And I was expected to be civil with such a being.

No way in Hell was that going to happen.

My angel was terrified of him. And that was completely unacceptable.

"Um, h-h-hi Storm," James started, his voice reaching an octave higher than it's usual tone with each stutter, proving to me that he was just as unnerved around Storm as I was. However, he stuck out a shaking hand, in attempt to make a friendly introduction to our newest member…something that I didn't think he was worth the time it took.

"You're James, right?" he asked, his tone rather flat and uninterested as he accepted the tall, pretty brunette's handshake.

"And you're Carlos," he continued, his tone never relaying any inflection of interest or care as he quickly nodded his greeting at our confused, and equally scared, Latino friend.

"And Mitchell – you and I have already…crossed paths, for lack of a more pleasant term," he growled in his low, chilling voice as he got closer to my face, which in turn brought him closer to a trembling, deathly terrified Kendall.

But it wasn't until that moment that something hit me.

How did he know my last name?

I mean, sure…He's in Big Time Rush now, and maybe he just knows all of our names – first and last, and who was to say he didn't know our middle names too? They were all over the internet…

But I was still unnerved.

I had never actually spoken to Storm until now. I mean, yeah…Kendall had told me Storm's name, but I was willing to bet that Kendall had never told Storm my first name, let alone my last.

And in all honesty? Storm didn't strike me as a closet Rusher...

"Um, Logan? James and I are going to go see if Gustavo and Kelly are ready with the sound booth. Do you want to come? I'm sure Kendall can keep Storm company for a minute or so," Carlos offered. And I knew he was just trying to get me away from Storm so I could explain to him and James what the hell was going on, why Kendall looked like he was going to have a heart attack, and why I looked so murderous toward Storm. But there was no way in Hell – over my cold, dead, lifeless body – that I would EVER leave my angel alone with this demon.

"You and James go ahead. And take Kendall with you," I began, briefly turning my attention to James and Carlos and softening my gaze at the look of complete and pure confusion on both of their faces.

"I'll stay here with Storm," I finished before lightly kissing my terrified angel's precious lips, escorting him to where James and Carlos stood.

Kendall needed to know that I could handle Storm. The last few days had proved that for me.

James, Carlos, and especially my Kendall, looked to me one last time, eyes full of concern, though most evident in emerald, tear-shimmering ones, before James, Carlos, and a stubborn, struggling Kendall who refused to leave me, slowly and quietly exited the room, shutting the door behind them just as Kelly had done earlier.

As soon as I heard the door click, I knew what I needed to do. I needed to have a word with this Storm fellow.

"Look here, Storm," I began with low, threatening, kryptonic words, proceeding to get in his face with my fists tightly clenched at my sides.

"Kendall Knight is the love of my life. He is MINE and NO ONE else's. I love him more than should be humanly possible. And don't think I can't see the way you look at him, like you own him or something. You need to back off before I MAKE you back off. Can't you see that Kendall is terrified of you? I don't want you anywhere NEAR him unless you absolutely have to be, do you hear me? And you will NEVER, EVER be left alone with him, so you can get that thought out of that sick head of yours."

There was so much hatred, so much venom, so much poison in my words. But where shy, logical Logan would have completely denied ever saying all that and apologized profusely for being so harsh, I didn't care. I had no regrets and no remorse.

Especially when Storm's eyes sparkled with even more malicious intent than ever before. He didn't say anything – he just smirked that disgusting smirk and looked at me with those chilling eyes.

And if he was even going to respond at all, he didn't have the chance because at that moment, Kelly peeked her head in.

"Storm? Logan? Gustavo's ready for you guys now," she said, but there was a very evident distraught look in her usually warm brown eyes. She obviously felt the crushing tension in the room because she left almost as quickly as she'd come to her half-in-the-door, half-out-the-door position.

I shoved past Storm to follow Kelly to the sound booth, trying my best to regain my composure before facing James, Carlos, and Gustavo. And especially Kendall.

No doubt my angel was already terrified that I'd been in a room with Storm. Alone. So I needed to put on my best "everything's okay" face for Kendall.

As soon as fearful emeralds fell on me entering the room, I saw relief wash over every inch of Kendall's angelic face. He ran to me, pulling me into a bone-crushing hug and kissing me lightly on the lips.

"I'm so glad you're okay," he whispered as his lips grazed my ear when he pulled me into yet another hug.

"Okay, okay, I don't know what's going on right now, but I really DON'T want to know. As touching as whatever THIS is, get your butts in that booth! The quicker we do this, the sooner you dogs are out of here!" Gustavo yelled as soon as Kendall and I pulled out of our hug and Storm rounded the corner.

Gustavo wanted us to sing "You're Not Alone" as a sample song, giving Storm the opportunity to sing with us so that after he heard Storm's voice with ours, he would be able to write parts for him into our songs.

Kendall started off after a short, soft, melodic introduction, as flawlessly as always. His beautiful, melodic voice filled my left ear and I felt him pressed impossibly close to me. For a moment, I got so caught up in the heat of Kendall next to me and the sound of his voice flawlessly singing words that he had penned that I almost forgot Storm was in the sound booth with us, let alone remember that he even existed. And when I looked to my angel, he had those entrancing jades closed, losing himself in the music and lyrics like he tended to do every time we sang.

I could have sworn that Kendall had almost forgotten about Storm too – he was so lost in the music, so concentrated on putting every ounce of appropriate emotion into each word he sang. It was such an adorable thing to see, and it made my heart swell with even more love for him, knowing that the words escaping his silk lips in this moment had not long ago caught my attention from a napkin with my name in a heart in the corner of it.

But then Storm started singing the chorus with us.

And that's when my heart stopped.

And by the way Kendall's beautiful jades snapped open and a look of complete fear drained his face of every ounce of already minimal color it contained, I could tell his heart must have failed him as well.

I would know that voice anywhere.

Kendall would know that voice anywhere.

That voice beat even _Kendall_ out for the part of Link Larkin in _Hairspray_ our eighth grade year.

That voice had once belonged to a dirty blond haired, small, scrawny kid with two cronies and icy blue eyes.

And now it was pouring effortlessly from a raven haired, tall, muscular guy with those exact icy blue eyes.

And when I saw Kendall's eyes lock on Storm's icy, expectant ones that had no doubt been studying MY angel the entire time, I can't say I was surprised when Kendall literally froze mid-sentence and bolted out of the sound booth at the speed of light.

Because Storm wasn't Storm anymore.

He had suddenly transformed into that evil tormenter from Kendall's buried past.

_I call myself a genius and yet I couldn't even see it._

Storm was Stark.

Stark frickin' Lockwood.

**Oh no! Kendall and Logan know that Stark is back! What's going to happen now? You'll see eventually :)**


	26. The Story of Stark

**As always, thank you SOOO much to my lovely, fantabulous reviewers of last chapter: btrlover21, shogoki17, MythoBoy, KogansWolfGirl, Rhett9, ..Apart, DoctorWhoFan9, sylarbadass, jenizzleoffdachain, Hikari no Kasai, and 0ElevateNZ. I seriously could not love you guys anymore than I already do because you are all amazing and fantastic :) (And that goes for you too, story alerters and favoriters :) haha)**

**So this update has been long awaited, and TA DA! Here it is :) This chapter is going to be INSANE! And - dare I say it? - some of you may actually start to feel a little sympathy toward Stark, if only a little...But you'll see why :) I reallyreallyreallyreally hope you all enjoy this chapter! I feel this fanfic may be coming to an end soon, so enjoy it while it's still continuing! :) Kendall's POV, in case you may be confused :)  
><strong>

**And no, Kendall still hasn't realized that we're married yet, nor does BTR know that I'm plotting to kidnap them and keep them in my closet (hahaha jk jk jk) :) But here it goes!**

I ran as fast as I could, shoving past any obstacle in my way, tears violently falling from my eyes, hurtling to the ground on the coattails of gravity, shattering like a glass of priceless china.

My body was violently shaking, like a single leaf being pelted with pieces of the sky. My feet were moving beneath me, pounding pavement, crunching rocks, destroying fallen leaves, murdering blades of grass. But it was almost subconsciously.

I should have known.

How could I NOT have known?

Why didn't I see it?

Storm is Stark.

Which means Stark is back.

He's out of juvie, out of Minnesota…and back in my life.

I didn't know where to go, and I didn't know what to do. Coherent thoughts and sound judgment were completely out of the question when I was in a state such as this shocked, terrified, vulnerable one.

All I knew was that I needed to be away from James, away from Carlos, away from Kelly, away from Gustavo, away from Mom, away from Katie…Even away from my beloved Logan.

Just away from everyone I love, and everyone I have ever allowed in my life.

I needed to be alone.

I couldn't go to the roof because anyone could find me there.

Logan could find me there.

And if Logan found me before Stark, there's no doubt that Stark would find the both of us, probably wrapped up in each other's arms while I was reduced to a withering, writhing mess, clinging to the only constant in my life as if I were a bird trying desperately not to be blown away with swirling rains and violent breezes into a deep, dark abyss.

God only knows what Stark would do to my Logie.

The world around me was spinning slowly – as if in slow motion.

As if it may not have really been spinning at all.

As if it didn't matter how fast my feet carried my broken body because I would never get anywhere.

And I felt completely numb.

I thought Stark was out of my life forever.

I thought those nightmares of him coming back and finding me were merely that…nightmares.

But those nightmares were quickly conquering reality with each torturous second that passed as I ran at the speed of light in a world that had stopped turning. A world that knew no sympathy, nor empathy, for the shell of my body that housed my broken spirit.

When I had finally stopped running – my lungs burning, begging me for air – I found myself at Palmwoods Park.

_What if I climbed that lonely oak over there?_

_What if my belt took on the role of a noose?_

_What would it feel like to hang there and silently say my goodbyes to the world?_

_Then I would be out of everyone's lives…Which would mean I'd be out of Stark's life. And he'd leave my loved ones alone because he'd be fighting for a lifeless cause._

_He'd leave Logan alone because then neither of them would have me._

I quickly shook myself from those thoughts as I collapsed under the shade of that oak, pulling my knees impossibly close to my body as I rocked back and forth.

I considered myself to be one in the same with that oak.

It was standing here, rooted in ground not meant to sustain it. It was different, all alone, not resembling any of the other life around it that seemed to huddle together. Branches of similar, impossibly close trees intertwined, as if they were telling secrets. Whispering about the awkward oak, secretly plotting its demise.

I reconsidered climbing that oak and hiding away in its lush branches. Forever.

Until I heard a voice that made my head shoot upward with lightning speed.

"So, I see Mitchell hasn't found you yet? And I always thought you were legendary at hide-and-seek, Knight."

That chilling, raspy voice broke into my thoughts. Icy, petrifying eyes broke deep into my soul. A mischievous smirk caused my blood to freeze.

"Wh-what d-do y-y-you want f-from m-me, Stark?" I asked in a barely audible, lifeless tone. The only inflection of emotion in my voice came because of the sobs wracking my entire body, as if they were a demon, possessing me, never relinquishing their hold on me.

"It's not about what I want _from _you, Knight. It's about _you_ that I _want._"

I should have been terrified. I should have jolted up and ran as fast as I could in the opposite direction.

But I was absolutely physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.

And I was terrified beyond belief.

Nothing mattered anymore.

Because if I didn't listen to Stark, he would take Logan away.

And being in Stark's presence was much more bearable than living the rest of my life without the love of my life.

"What do you mean?" I asked, in a tone arguably less audible than the last, my gaze still chained to Stark's icy one.

He knelt in front of me, getting closer and closer to my face with each word of the story that unfolded in that raspy tone, rising and falling for emphasis. I could have sworn I saw something flash across those eyes – fear? Sadness?

But I was so completely exhausted and so completely terrified that I ignored those humane feelings flashing in the eyes of such an inhumane person, and just sat there and listened.

_What the hell are you doing, Kendall? You should be running away!_

"You just don't get it, do you, Knight? Oh, that's right – of course you don't! You've lived your whole life flitting and flouncing around fucking Mitchell like he was a fucking angel. Like you were a fucking planet whose sole purpose was to orbit around the sun. And the real kicker? You and Mitchell were the only two people in the whole damn world that _didn't _know how sickeningly in love with each other you've _always _been! And nobody cared! Everyone knew you'd end up together eventually…in fact, so many people wanted to fucking _encourage_ it! And then there's people like me."

He paused briefly for a moment, an indistinguishable glint in his icy eyes.

And what surprised me the most? His voice got softer – almost more vulnerable.

My head was spinning, and it merely spun off its figurative axis when I could have sworn I saw a tear escape those terrifying eyes.

And for a split second, I almost felt sympathy for the obviously tortured soul knelt in front of me as he spun his tale.

"I was just like you, Knight. With Jackson and Kurtis. I swore to myself that one of those damn boys would be the one for me. I tried confiding in my parents…believe it or not, my parents and I were always pretty damn inseparable. Until that night. Kurtis and I were studying in my bedroom. And I kissed him. And my parents saw through the crack of the door. And what did they do? They fucking disowned me! Beat me half to death and threw me out into the street with nothing but the clothes on my back. Told me I was a freak. Told me that I was a demon and no son of theirs. So what do you think I did?"

I was so completely shocked. So completely speechless. I never knew anything about Stark, other than the fact that he was a completely revolting asshole to me. But here in this moment, I felt a twinge of sympathy tug at my heart.

_Why is he telling me this? He hates me! He can't stand me! Why else would he viciously attack me every day of our lives since I'd first met him?_

And as much as I wanted to say "Bullshit," push him away from me, and run into Logan's arms, that indistinguishable glint in those icy eyes willed me to continue listening.

And in that moment, I almost completely forgot that this boy was the bane of my existence and put me through utter Hell.

This boy was the reason I was so insecure. Why I had attempted to kill myself. Why I had thought about killing myself not even two seconds before he found me.

But this Stark that was pouring his heart out to me was not the same Stark pre-juvie. There was no way he could be, or else he would have done something unspeakably horrific to me or Logan by now.

I quickly shook my head when I realized Stark was still studying me for some sort of farfetched answer to his previous question.

"I was so distraught. So upset. So broken. I fucking lost it. If my own parents could do that to me, what worse things could happen to me at the hands of people who don't even know me? I was only twelve when that happened. But it broke me down so beyond repair. And I dove off the deep end. I killed my parents, Kendall. But no one suspected a sweet little twelve year old boy, so it wasn't until after freshman year of high school, when I completely disappeared off the radar, that they all realized it _was_ that supposedly sweet little twelve year old boy."

I knew my mouth was gaping. I knew my heart was racing. I knew my palms were sweating.

But I was so frozen, so paralyzed, so completely and utterly horrified by this now crying boy that I couldn't get up and run like my Vans-clad feet willed me to do. I knew there was more to the story.

And even though I really didn't want to hear more and wanted nothing more than to puke and run to Logan, I couldn't do any of that.

I was stuck. Stark's icy gaze was tethering me to this spot, no matter how unwillingly I was being anchored there. The way he had said my first name for the first time in his entire life left me unnerved.

I was uncomfortable, nervous, frightened, angered…But there was still that little glint of sympathy that I tried mentally scolding myself for having. But how could I not feel at least a little sympathy toward such a situation? That would make me as cold-hearted as I thought Stark was before all this.

"I moved into that house that I had been thrown out of by people who were supposed to care about me. Kurtis and Jackson visited every day. But I still felt so alone, so guilty, so mortified, yet so enraged and so hell-bent on revenge. I went fucking insane. If I wasn't allowed to have feelings for guys, I would merely force myself to repress them and make sure that no other guy could either. And that's when I met you. And Mitchell. In choir. I was so drawn to you…I seriously thought you were a damn angel. But I saw the way you and Mitchell looked at each other. And I hated myself for even thinking of another guy when I had sworn to myself I never would. So I projected all that pent-up anger, all that self-deprecating frustration, and all that emotional trauma on the boy who was making me feel like that twelve year old that kissed one of my best friends. That boy that was making me feel human and sane again. You. And I was scared as Hell."

I was still completely and utterly speechless. Stark's story explained so much. It answered so many of the questions I had that I honestly thought were rhetorical. And I really did feel sympathy.

In that moment, I shouldn't have cared about what Stark did to me in the past. I shouldn't have been able to bring myself to hate such a disastrous human being anymore. I shouldn't have allowed myself to will every horrid thing known to man onto this boy.

Because he was a legitimate, beyond repair mess.

But so was I.

And even though my head had forgiven Stark, no questions asked, the moment he began crying while finishing his heartbreaking tale, my attention turned to my own broken heart.

It was this boy, unknowingly allied with my father, who had originally broken it with his harsh words, hard punches, horrific threats, and emotional destruction.

It was this boy who made me consider taking my life.

Who had completely convinced me for so long that I'd never find love or happiness.

Who made me doubt my previously perfectly in tact sanity.

Who gave me nightmares that had, in turn, made me fear reality.

Who scarred me so deeply and so painfully that I would never, ever be able to live freely without his trace.

He was the reason I had physical and emotional scars that would never heal.

And yeah, it was obvious that as Stark looked at me with tear-filled, icy eyes and a broken façade that he was an irrefutable disaster.

But it was still obvious that I was too.

All because of this boy.

And I had always been stubborn.

So instead of hugging him, exchanging forgiveness, making amends, and becoming best friends, I stood up and slowly stalked away.

And I didn't look back.

**And as sad as Stark's story is, Kendall is so emotionally and physically traumatized that he still can't find it in his heart to forgive Stark. What about you guys, my lovely, wonderful readers? What would you do if you were Kendall? "Hug him, exchange forgiveness, make amends, and become best friends" or "slowly stalk away" and not look back? I'm honestly super curious about this cause honestly, I didn't write the ending this way until the last minute. And if a lot of people think Kendall should have forgiven him****, maybe I'll rewrite this chapter with an alternate ending so you can choose which you like best :)**

**HOWEVER, I really hope you liked this chapter...At least a little :)**

**3 BreakFree**


	27. Pounded Into Oblivion

**Thank you so very very much to my lovely, wonderful, phenomenal reviewers of last chapter: itrymybest, Rhett9, 0ElevateNZ, MythoBoy, btrlover21, xCarganxKoganx, sylarbadass, Hikari no Kasai, and DoctorWhoFan9. Also, my lovely, wonderful, phenomenal story alerters and favoriters as well :) I absolutely adore you all 3**

**Special thanks to MythoBoy for letting me message him random ideas to get my thoughts straight for this chapter :)**

**So this chapter, WARNING, is SO. COMPLETELY. INTENSE. I'm not even exaggerating**. **First we take a look into Stark's mind after his little story session with Kendall. Then we go to Kendall, and finally to Logan. This is the first chapter I've actually switched POVs in one chapter, but as you read this chapter, it'll make complete and total sense as to why I had to. This is seriously the hardest chapter I've written so far - no lie - so I really really really hope you like it. It took me so long to get it just right, and I still don't think it is, but I hope you all still enjoy it :)** **FAIR WARNING: There is quite a bit of cursing in this chapter, and quite an adult part toward the end of it, which makes me wonder if I should change the rating...Let me know if you think I should!**

**And no, I still don't own BTR :(**

***STARK POV***

I shouldn't have allowed myself that inkling of hope that I got that Kendall would hug me, forgive me, and tell me that he understood as I cried and bawled like a pathetic little baby under the gaze of those fucking eyes that drove me insane.

And I don't know why the hell that hope was even there in the first place.

Probably because if there had to be only one thing in this world that I could claim to be an expert on, it was Kendall Knight.

He had always been so quick to apologize for things that were never his fault to begin with.

He had always said that the past was in the past, and that's where it always needed to remain, lest the world would quite possibly implode.

He had always said that life was too short to hate and hold grudges.

He used to be so happy, so carefree, so completely confident in himself, with a sparkle in those damn eyes that the stars envied…

But I destroyed him.

_God, I can't even fucking stand myself! I fucked Kendall up so badly..._

That's when I told myself that it didn't matter if I was well-versed in the sexy blond-haired, emerald-eyed Kendall.

It didn't matter if Kendall had always been a fucking saint.

Because he was still being one.

It didn't matter that he didn't hug me.

It didn't matter that he didn't tell me he forgave me.

Because when I deserved a good hard punch to the face that would knock me unconscious never to wake again, or when I deserved to be shot, hung, stabbed, murdered in any brutal, cruel way you could think of, or even when I deserved to hear that melodic voice shatter the boundaries of the sound barrier with harsh scolds and threatening words, Kendall didn't partake in any of that.

He simply walked away.

And watching him walk away didn't help my incessant longing for him in the least bit.

But I knew that I had to be the reason for those scars that I had caught a brief glimpse of down at the pool, and in the studio, and just a few moments ago when he had his beautiful head buried in those guitar-trained hands and the sleeves of his plaid shirt exposed a bit of his creamy wrists.

And to add to my already infinite list of things to hate myself for, that was one of them.

I didn't know what to do, or where to go.

There was no place on Earth big enough to harbor me and my damn self-loathing.

Fucking Mitchell was probably cradling Kendall tenderly in his arms by now, like a baby, running his fingers through Kendall's goldenrod locks, wiping tears from Kendall's jade wolf orbs.

And here I was, sitting in the dark, under an oak tree at Palmwoods Park, crying like a fucking baby.

I couldn't take it anymore. I got up slowly and wandered, zombie-like, through the nearby streets until I spotted a bar.

What better way to forget about Kendall, and that damn Mitchell, and how much I despise myself, than drowning myself, hopefully literally, in some vodka and whiskey?

I stumbled in, feeling so many eyes on me.

Yeah, I was underage, but I didn't give a shit.

I had a fucking fake ID that I practically worshiped.

So when I got carded, it didn't matter.

"What'll it be, darlin'?" the big-busted, freakishly-fake-blonde bartender asked me in her obvious southern drawl with a wink.

I was in no way interested in flirting tonight.

Unless it was with Kendall.

The only thing mildly attractive about this girl were her eyes…Green, like Kendall's, but not near as entrancing as said sexy Knight.

"Vodka, please," I said in a small voice before waving her away.

She looked obviously disappointed, but I didn't give a fuck.

She brought me one first, and I downed it in no time flat.

Soon she was bringing me 10, 11…maybe 15?

I didn't know anymore. I was so far gone, and so done with this annoying bartender's obvious attempts at getting in my pants that I left.

But I honestly don't know where I was headed.

And I didn't give a fuck.

I had never in my entire life given a fuck about anything or anyone.

With the exception of Kendall Knight.

***KENDALL POV***

I practically sprinted all the way to the apartment when I knew I was out of Stark's sight, sincerely hoping that Logan, James, and Carlos would be there, nervously awaiting my return.

I knew Logan would be a wreck wondering where I was. I couldn't wait to be in his arms again…I needed my love. I needed his comfort.

I knew Katie and Mom wouldn't be there…They were out of town.

God only knows where Stark would go.

I finally reached the apartment door and closed it quietly behind me.

"Logan, my love?" I called as I flicked on the light switch. No musical voice that I so longed to hear replied.

Not even James or Carlos replied, and I knew my two best friends well enough to know that if one of them would have heard me, they would have no doubt came running.

Especially with the way I bolted out of the sound booth after realizing that Storm was Stark.

Logan, James, and Carlos must have been looking for me still.

_I'll just give them all a call and let them know I'm safe at the apartment, _I thought with a small smile, wanting to call Logan first to hear his voice.

He was the only constant in my life. And at a moment when I felt like this, I needed to be reminded of that constant.

But when I went to pick up my phone off the kitchen counter to call him, James, and Carlos, I saw all four of our phones scattered on the counter, exactly where we had thrown them so we could eat breakfast this morning.

We must have been in a hurry to get to the studio this morning.

_Fuck! I don't want to be home alone...And I'm worried about the guys._

_But mostly I'm worried about Logan…_

_What if Stark finds him?_

_How am I to know how quickly he could snap back into scary Stark and hunt down the love of my life?_

I collapsed onto the couch, my foot nervously tapping, biting my nails raw, tears falling involuntarily from my eyes, wanting nothing more than for one of the guys to walk through the door.

So when the doorknob jiggled what seemed like hours later, I jolted out off the couch and ran to unlock the door.

But when I opened the door, it wasn't James.

It wasn't Carlos.

And it sure as hell wasn't Logan.

"Stark! What the hell are you doing here?" I exclaimed in a harsh whisper, for it was late and we were in the hallway.

I didn't want to wake up the whole floor, but in no way did I want Stark in my apartment either.

Especially when he smelled so strongly of vodka and whiskey.

_Fuck, he's got to be drunk…_

"Hey Kendall," he drunkenly slurred with a drunken smirk, pushing his way into the apartment and slamming me against the door, which in turn caused the door to slam shut.

"What the hell are you doing?" I screamed as a very strong and very drunk Stark pinned my wrists to the door with one hand while locking it with the other.

I tried pushing him off. I tried fighting him.

But I was weak and worried and drained and exhausted.

And he was drunk and strong as hell.

"Wha' 've always wantedtodo," Stark slurred yet again, his alcohol laden breath ghosting my neck between kisses, making me want nothing more than to vomit.

I tried yet again to kick, struggle, squirm away…Anything.

And when my knee successfully hit the disgustingly stiff erection of this disgustingly drunken boy, he stumbled backward, dropping my wrists and bending over in what should have been obvious pain.

I sprinted away from my previously imprisoned position between the door and an obviously turned on, drunk Stark, trying desperately to make it to the room I shared with Logan so I could lock myself in there until someone else got home.

But I wasn't quick enough.

Stark tackled me from behind and fell on top of me, currently – and painfully – face down on the carpet.

"'re gonna like dis, Kindle," Stark whispered in my ear as his hands made their way to first my stomach and then just underneath my waistband.

I couldn't help but cringe and cry uncontrollably when his drunken accent transformed my name into the same pronunciation that my amazing boyfriend's Texas accent had always done.

It made me beyond sick.

Stark stumbled to his feet, and I took the opportunity to try to crawl toward the bedroom.

I was so damn close.

But Stark took obvious notice of the close proximity of the bedroom as well.

Before I knew what was happening, I was being roughly picked up, Stark squeezing me so tightly that it made it hard to breathe, let alone scream or fight back.

"Comeon, baby," Stark slurred yet again as he crushed me against him, clicking the bedroom door behind him after throwing me harshly on my bed.

I picked up one of my nearby Vans, hurtling it towards Stark's head.

If this worked in my favor, I made a mental note to tell Logan that being disorganized can come in handy.

But even in his drunken stupor, Stark still managed to lock the bedroom door and dodge the hurtling checkered Vans that would have met it's mark with his temple had he stayed still for two more seconds.

So I tried my best to roll off the bed, hoping that maybe if I got to the floor, I could crawl to the closet and lock myself in there until someone got home.

But that plan was dashed as quickly as it had formed when I felt the heavy, disgusting heat of Stark crushing me, pinning me on my back on my bed.

"'s 'll be easy 'f you don' struggle, baby," he slurred again, this time between bruising kissing to my lips.

My bottom lip even started bleeding.

At this point, I was so completely exhausted that I didn't have the strength to fight back anymore.

Not even when a now shirtless Stark ripped his t-shirt in half and used each half to militarily tie each of my hands to each of the bedposts.

I had never felt more helpless than I did in that moment when Stark literally ripped my shirt off my body and started biting and sucking at every inch of my now bare torso, his nails trailing, leaving scratches.

_Logie, James, Carlos…Where are you guys? I need you. Please, help…_

But even my thoughts were weak.

I was bleeding and bruised and completely helpless at removing the immovable object that was Stark off my trembling, shaking body…And I was more terrified than I'd ever been in my life.

"S-St-Stark, p-p-please, stop," I whispered, barely audibly.

But Stark heard me.

And it was enough for those icy blue eyes to flare with anger before slapping me across the face.

He grinded his disgusting erection in between my legs. It wasn't pleasurable…It was painful.

"Don' speak," he slurred before sliding down my body to my belt buckle. "Or 'll be force' to stuff somethin' in your mouth," he drunkenly threatened before continuing in pleasuring himself off of my obvious pain, discomfort, fear, and reluctance.

As he bit and sucked and licked my aching torso, his hands that were previously running just under my waistband fumbled drunkenly with my belt, hell-bent on removing it so he could have his way with me.

He had kicked off his pants and boxers long ago, and now felt that mine needed to disappear too.

But I didn't want them to. I was sobbing uncontrollably, trying as hard as I could to get my wrists free from the bed posts…But that only resulted in them beginning to bleed when scabs of previous cuts were yanked off by the coarse material of what used to be Stark's shirt.

I was in and out of consciousness, but immediately awakened when I heard a horrifying moan and felt a wet mouth on something that belonged only to me…And was supposed to belong to Logan someday.

And when I felt something wet and rough and urgent poking in places that it should never have been allowed – that only Logan would be allowed if he ever wanted to – I screamed.

It wasn't a very strong one, but it must have been enough, because just as Stark was about to pound his throbbing disgusting self into my virgin self completely against my will, I heard a loud crash, and had barely enough strength to look up through half-lidded eyes to see Carlos with his helmet in tow, and a very horrified Logan.

At least until his gaze found me, helpless, bleeding, and tied to my bed, and Stark, moments away from pounding my virginity into oblivion.

Then his gaze turned completely and positively livid.

But I don't know what happened after that.

All I know is that I blacked out - from fear, from weakness, from exhaustion…And from that single, rough, horrifying thrust that tore my insides, completely and totally violently ripping absolutely everything from me as I could only cry one pathetic, barely audible cry: "Logie…"

***LOGAN POV***

As soon as Carlos and I returned to the apartment, unsuccessful in finding my angel in any of his usual thinking spots, I was already completely and totally distraught when I realized that something was wrong.

Things were out of place, and the door to the bedroom that Kendall and I shared was locked.

And I knew for a fact that we made sure it was unlocked before we left.

I tried to push my ear against the door, trying to listen for any signs of my angel on the other side.

And then I heard it.

It was no doubt my angel, no matter how weak and terrified the scream was.

But it was most definitely a scream.

And I would recognize that beautiful voice anywhere.

And I could tell he was hurting.

"CARLOS! YOU HAVE TO BREAK THIS DOOR DOWN RIGHT FUCKING NOW!" I screamed to the Latino who was about to retreat to the room he shared with James to see if James had gotten back yet and hadn't realized what was going on behind closed doors.

He didn't waste time to ask me why as he tapped his helmet twice and plowed the door down.

And then I saw it.

My angel…My beautiful, amazing, wonderful angel was tied to his bed, his pants and boxers down at his ankles. He was bleeding, crying, fighting, trying to scream. His beautiful face was completely tear-stained. His beautiful emerald eyes only half open from exhaustion, but they didn't even look like his eyes anymore because they were so full of hurt, humiliation, and fear. His goldenrod hair was standing up every which way, disheveled in a way that only I was allowed to dishevel it.

And then I saw the obstacle that was crushing my Kendall beneath it.

Why my Kendall was tied to his bed, bleeding, bruised, crying.

Fucking Stark.

He was completely naked, and obviously drunk, for the stench of vodka and whiskey clung to the air.

And he was on top of my angel, crushing him, pinning him down against his will.

There were bruises and wet trails all over my Kendall's beautiful torso, and there was a dirty, disgusting piece of that demon – that absolutely wretched, horrific excuse for a human being – inches from pounding my angel's virginity into oblivion.

After the underlying shock set in, all I could see was red.

Especially when that fucking leech thrust once into my writhing, terrified, exhausted angel with a moan letting me know he had finally reached release.

And that was once too many.

I lunged across the room, tackling Stark onto the floor, which successfully got him off of and out of my Kendall.

I started pounding his face in, hopefully breaking every one of the little bones in his disgusting face.

"CARLOS!" I screamed to the petrified Latino in the doorway who hadn't moved a muscle since he broke the door down as I watched blood cover Stark's face at the mercy of my furious fists.

He had hurt my angel. He had taken advantage of my angel.

He had taken the one thing my angel held dear to him. That he was saving for me.

And I wanted to murder him.

"Take care of Kendall…Get him out of here. Clean him up, get him some clothes, comfort him…Do whatever the hell it is you need to do to let him know that this bastard will never, EVER come within a thousand feet of him ever again. Listen to whatever he says. Do whatever he wants. I'll take care of this piece of shit," I said, emphasizing the word shit with a spit to Stark's face.

Reluctantly, Carlos went to follow my demands, obviously unnerved by the raw and unadulterated hatred and anger in my voice toward this thing that was writhing and squirming with each blow I delivered to every inch of his disgustingly naked body.

Carlos was carefully and gingerly undoing the ties on Kendall's wrists so as not to hurt him anymore as I didn't hesitate to let my rage completely rage on.

"You fucking BASTARD! I don't give a fuck if you were fucking drunk! I will not hesitate to kill you for doing this to MY angel…To MY Kendall!" I screamed, getting extremely close to his pain-contorted face.

And it almost seemed like my harsh words and my ass-whooping sobered him up.

Because next thing I knew, he was looking with wide eyes over at Kendall, who was only half freed from his evil machinations.

His whole body trembled and shivered on the floor before he shot up to a sitting position.

And when he glanced down at his naked body, I could have sworn I saw tears fall from those icy eyes.

But I didn't give a fuck.

He raped my angel.

My Kendall.

The beautiful, wonderful, innocent, amazing boy that I promised I would never let Stark near again.

And just as I prepared to snap his neck, he bolted, faster than I'd ever seen anyone run, straight out of the apartment.

And I would have damn well followed him had it not been for the silent, sob-laden voice of my angel calling over to me from where he sat, naked in Carlos's lap.

"Go," Carlos whispered.

And Kendall weakly nodded.

And that was all the confirmation I needed.

I bolted out of the apartment after Stark, only to see James coming toward the apartment.

"What the hell is going on, Logan?" James asked in a highly concerned voice as he started running beside me, obviously catching on that something was seriously wrong.

"Fucking Stark and his fucking, smart ass existence," I replied, much to my surprise undergoing a temper that only my Kendall possessed.

But not anymore.

Stark was a fucking dead man.

James still looked slightly confused until we made our way to the street and caught Stark ready to cross the road.

He didn't even hesitate, even though headlights were powering toward him.

And the next thing James and I knew, there was the sound of bones snapping and a single horn blaring.

And when the chaos was over, Stark lay in the middle of the street.

Twitching as life left his body.

And then he was lifeless.

Completely lifeless.

Just the way I wanted him.

**So there you have it...My seriously intense, nail biting, heart stopping chapter :) hahaha jk jk jk :)**

**I hope you all enjoyed :)** **It took me so long to write this tonight, but it was worth if for all of you lovely, wonderful, phenomenal readers.**

**I seriously love you guys :)**

**More to come!**

***BreakFree***


	28. You See Right Through Me

**So I still cannot completely fathom the fact that I have 200 reviews for this story! It blows my mind! Just like Kendall...hahaha**

**But ANYWAY, thank you so much to my wonderful reviewers of last chapter who have made those 200 reviews possible****! Even though not everyone wa****s happy with my last update (which is completely understandable...I have absolutely no hard feelings to those reviewers because I probably deserved them), thank you anyway to: btrlover21, itrymybest, Till. Death. Do. Us. Apart** **(spaced only because I realized your name never shows up fully in these and I feel bad, so I think I may have fixed it), nigel small, sylarbadass, MythoBoy, xCarganxKoganx, shannaenaezz, and Hikari no Kasai. I love all of you dearly, and I love all of my story alerters and favoriters just as dearly :)**

**So this chapter is in Kendall's POV, and there is a lot of cutesyness in it because I am long overdue for a cutesy chapter. Next chapter will be cutesy too as a continuation of this one in Logan's POV. I hope you all enjoy this more than you enjoyed the last one if you didn't like it.**

**And as much as I seriously wish that Kendall would be my Valentine this year, I don't think that's happening :(**

It was Monday.

This same day last week, a drunken Stark had forced himself onto me.

Into me.

But now he is long gone.

Dead.

Six feet under.

And while the memory still haunts me in my daytime nightmares of pain, exhaustion, half-consciousness, and blood, I feel so much more at ease than I ever have in my entire life knowing that the memory will always and forever be only a memory.

And right here, lying in the arms of my own brunette Sleeping Beauty, his arms holding me firmly yet lovingly, securely yet tenderly, while the music of his steady heartbeat filled my right ear from its position on his slowly rising and falling chest lulled me into a comfortable calm.

Not sleep…it would be awhile before I felt comfortable enough to sleep again.

But a content, comfortable calm, where my mind was numb to any thought that wasn't of my beautiful boyfriend cradling me in his arms.

Yes, Stark no doubtedly traumatized me and took something from me that I can never get back – that I was saving for my Logiebear – but fate took his life from him.

And as terrible of a person as I should have felt for feeling as if we were almost even now, I still felt it.

And as horrible as I probably should have felt for the small smile creeping to my lips knowing that Stark no longer physically existed, I did nothing to fight it.

At one point, I really did feel sympathy for him. When those terrifying, icy eyes melted to tears as he told me his heart-wrenching story, I did feel a twinge of sympathy.

But that was no longer the case anymore.

Never again would I allow myself to trust anyone that isn't Logan, James, Carlos, Katie, my mom, and Kelly.

Because quite honestly, even my faith and trust in Gustavo was faltering.

He was the one who originally put Stark in Big Time Rush.

But that isn't actually what I blame him for.

I blame him for never even attempting to take a step toward getting rid of Stark, even after how terrified and paralyzed I knew I had to have looked when those horrifying ice eyes fell on me. He should have been observant enough to see the way I clung to Logan for dear life when Stark spoke to me. And he should have been observant enough to know that type of behavior is rare and uncommon for Kendall Knight, so something had to be wrong.

But I knew one thing for sure.

Never again would I go anywhere without one of those trustworthy six people by my side, watching over me, protecting me. And even though I hate being so vulnerable and so fragile, I had become what I so strived NOT to be.

I have to struggle to find that same Kendall fire, that same stubborn Knight ambition, and that same cocky desire as the fearless, overprotective leader that everyone previously viewed me as, but I still try my hardest for those I love. I don't want to let them all down.

Because no matter how much hell I'd been through in the past few weeks, everyone still looked up to me.

And for some unknown reason, my ethereal Logan still adored me.

Even if I would never be the same again.

I was interrupted from my thoughts when said ethereal Logan stirred beneath me.

"Angel?" he mumbled groggily.

When my eyes met beautiful, sleepy chocolate ones, my face broke into an even wider smile.

"Good morning, Logiebear," I whispered before pressing a light kiss to his perfect lips.

I felt him smile into the kiss as he placed a hand gently on the back of my neck and pulled me impossibly closer, deepening the kiss, loving and craving the contact as much as I was.

But then he slowly pulled away.

He'd been so delicate with me since the "incident," and as much as it made me love him even more (if that was even possible) for understanding my current mental state, I still missed the dance of our tongues, and the feel of his trembling fingertips on my bare skin in the heat of a passionate kiss.

But as much as I craved all that, and as much as I knew that deep down, Logan probably did too, Logan knew best.

He's always known best.

And if he felt like I needed more time for us to share those things, then he was right.

He's always right.

"So what are we doing today, Logiebear?" I asked with a smirk.

He leaned down to kiss me sweetly again, and I couldn't fight my smile into the kiss.

It was a tender, sweet kiss, full of love and adoration, and it made my heart skip a beat every time he kissed me like that.

So naturally, this time was no different.

"I have a special surprise for you, Angel. So get your sexy little self out of bed and get ready for an entire day with me," Logie whispered against my lips with that damn sexy smirk before pressing his velvet ones lightly to my forehead and gently rolling out from underneath me.

I knew I was pouting at the loss of my Logie's arms around me because of the look he was giving me and that smirk that became permanent on his lips.

"You know how much I love to just lie in bed with you, all cuddled and sharing body heat, but if we lay in bed all day, all of my intense planning for today will be of no use," he said with that melodic voice through that sexy smirk as he caressed my cheek.

Naturally I leaned into his touch.

"You're too adorable for your own good, Angel," he added before pressing a soft kiss to my left temple.

I could feel my face give way to a very noticeable blush, which only made Logan's chocolate eyes dance with delight.

It took me a few moments of catching my breath as Logie slowly walked over to his dresser while he and his perfectly sculpted bare torso gathered some clothes.

He looked back to me with a wink before disappearing into the living room, most likely headed toward the room James and Carlos shared to go shower in their bathroom so I could shower in ours.

I chuckled as I mentally pictured my lovely Logie walking in on a scene matching the one he had just left, his form replaced by James's and mine replaced by Carlos's.

And I couldn't help but smile goofily and subconsciously as I went through the daily motions, my mind completely consumed with excitement and adoration for my perfect boyfriend.

I was so excited to see what he had planned for us that day that my mind refused to allow any other thought to cross my mind.

And for the first time in a few weeks, I felt happy again.

It had become such a stranger to my heart that, for a moment, I seriously thought it would have to do a double take at this overwhelming feeling.

But Logie always made me feel that.

And it made me love him impossibly more than I already do.

If Logie were in the room, his arms would be wrapped lovingly around my torso while we both looked into this bathroom mirror, and I had a feeling he would say that this happiness is evident in my "now sparkling emerald eyes."

He had such a fascination with my eyes, my hair, my body, my looks. But I could in no way fathom how.

I was nothing special in comparison to his beauty.

I had never been beautiful before, so how could I possibly be beautiful now?

But my thoughts were interrupted by that crystal-clear melody that was my boyfriend's voice calling from behind the door.

"Are you ready yet, Angel? The clock is ticking," he called, sing-songingly in that voice that never fails to reduce me to a puddle.

I hadn't even realized until I looked at the clock positioned where my bed used to be that an hour had passed.

"Give me just another second!" I called, rushing to straighten my favorite green plaid shirt, my white skinny jeans, and my favorite gray beanie.

I looked at my appearance one last time before slipping into my checkered Vans.

_Well, it's not much, but it'll have to do I suppose…_ I thought to myself as I mentally scrutinized every inch of my appearance through the eyes of every insecurity I've ever possessed.

And when I opened the barrier that stood between my Logiebear and I, I had to mentally scold myself for wanting to run back into the room, slam the door, and bury my face in my pillow.

Logan looked absolutely flawless.

His raven hair was still slightly damp, but nevertheless still perfectly styled and spiked. His chocolate eyes twinkled and popped even more than usual in contrast to his clean, crisp crimson t-shirt. His gymnast-transformed-dancer legs looked never-ending and perfect in his favorite black skinny jeans. And his graceful feet were clad in his favorite Converses.

Logan moved closer to me, his lips grazing my right ear as he whispered, "You should be thankful that I have amazing self-control because right now, it's taking all of it not to pick you up, lay you on our beds, and kiss you senseless."

I shuddered at the pure seduction in his tone.

And right in that moment, I really wish he would have disposed of that self-control and followed through with his hormones.

But then I looked down at myself again.

_Why would he possibly want to do that to someone like me? I'm not attractive, and I'm nowhere near as erotic as Logan is making me sound…In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm the exact opposite…_

"What's wrong, Angel?" Logan asked, cupping my face gently in his lovely hands. His eyes were shadowed with concern and any hint of seduction was exchanged for pure love and concern.

And even though I did my best to put a smile on, answer "Nothing, love…Let's just go enjoy our day," and seal it with a quick kiss to his lips, I knew he could see right through me.

He always could, and if I ever thought that he couldn't, I would be lying horribly to myself.

But this time, it wasn't Stark weighing on my mind, nor was it the distant memory of my father…

It was my own insecurities.

_How can someone as beautiful and perfect and amazing as Logan love someone like me?_

"Well, I'm not going to pry you for answers, but I do know you're lying. Let's just go have a fantastic day. I know you'll love everything I've planned for us," Logan said with a small smile, his lovely voice interrupting my self-hatred from consuming me anymore, as if it were the antidote to the poisonous, degrading thoughts that I thought about myself.

He lightly and sweetly kissed my lips before taking my hand in his own and leading me into whatever his plans were for us for the day.

And that jolt of electricity that accompanied his fingers intertwining with mine was enough to push all of my other thoughts out of my mind and focus solely on having the best day ever with my boyfriend.

Because for the first time in a long time, with Logan's hand lovingly and securely in my own, that hope that took hold of my heart and aided it in soaring only grew.

Because I knew without a doubt that with Logan, it was completely hopeless to feel anything other than hope, love, adoration…And even happiness.

**Awe, poor Kendall's insecurities are back...But Logan is going to change that with the wonderful date he has planned for him and his angel :) I hope you liked this chapter! :)**


	29. The Date

**Thank you so much to my lovely, wonderful, phenomenal reviewers of the last chapter: Kendalls LogieBear (my Twin - who is amazing *hint, read her stuff*), ****Till. Death. Do. Us. Apart,** **Rhett9, btrlover21, xCarganxKoganx, shogoki17, MythoBoy, Hikari no Kasai, and nigel small. I love you guys SO much. You have seriously no idea.**

**WARNING: This chapter is a cutesy, Kogany, fluffy, lovely chapter with some sugary Jarlos sprinkles****. It starts in Logan's POV and then goes to Kendall's POV. Logan's POV starts when he leaves the bedroom to get ready for the day. Kendall's starts later...You'll see :) This chapter is so long, but I hope you all enjoy it!**

**And no, I still have not attained BTR :(**

_**LOGAN P.O.V.**_

My poor Angel has been so down on himself and so insecure lately. It breaks my heart.

But I know why.

And I couldn't be more satisfied with the knowledge that Stark is dead.

Six feet under.

Gone from my life.

Because – and this scares me to think – if that car hadn't put him out of his misery, I very well might have.

But now that he really was six feet under, and it wasn't just a twisted dream of mine, I had much more important things to focus on.

And that was my Angel.

I have to make him realize how much I love him – how that would never change no matter what happens because I could never let him go.

And I have to make him see how beautifully, perfectly flawless he is to me.

And today was the perfect day to do it.

Gustavo had given us the last couple weeks off (this week being our last week off) because for some unknown reason, he was still completely convinced that Stark was our friend.

Damn was he wrong.

But I shook away those thoughts as my mind traveled back to those bottomless, emerald green eyes and goldenrod locks.

I hope my plan for the day goes as wonderfully as I've planned it to.

As Kendall got ready for the day in our room, I went to get a shower.

And then I would have to talk to James, Carlos, and Katie.

They knew all about my plan for the day, and in order for it to make Kendall melt the way I wanted it to, we all had to be on the same page.

I walked quietly into James and Carlos's room to get my quick shower, and it was futile to stop a wide smile from pulling at my lips at the sight in front of me.

Carlos was snuggled up to James's chest, just as Kendall had been to mine just moments earlier. James was lightly running his fingers through Carlos's short, ebony hair and Carlos was absentmindedly drawing light circles with his fingertips on James's bare torso.

My smile widened even more when my mind briefly put my beautiful Kendall in Carlos's place and myself in James's.

"Hey Logan!" Carlos called from his comfortable spot on his tall, brunette boyfriend's chest when he realized I entered the room.

James chuckled at the enthusiasm dripping from his short Latino boyfriend's voice before lightly kissing the top of his head. Only Carlos could be that peppy and hyper that early in the morning.

Even though I still had yet to convince James that 11:00 am is NOT early.

"Hey Carlos. Hey James," I replied with a quick wave. "You guys don't mind if I get ready in your bathroom, do you? Kendall is getting ready in ours, and I need James's 'expert advice' to make sure I look good…Even though I always do," I continued with a chuckle and a brief wink at the now beaming pretty boy of the group.

Any opportunity we gave him to help us get ready for a date made his whole day…And probably added to his already sometimes ridiculous ego.

But we still loved him anyway. He was one of the only loveable narcissists I've ever met.

"Well then you better hurry yourself into that shower because it takes time for me to work my James magic," James replied with a chuckle while he used the hand not intertwined in Carlos's hair to do his jazz-hand-James thing.

Carlos chuckled and kissed James lightly on the lips, partly to stop him from talking, and partly because (even if Carlos didn't know it) we all knew that James's jazz-hand-James thing secretly turned the little, seemingly innocent Latino on.

When my two, very-in-love best friends deepened their lip-lock, I tiptoed into their bathroom, not wanting to disturb their moment, but also not wanting to witness what was more than likely going to happen next.

I stood in the shower probably a little longer than necessary until the hushed shouts and sounds of pleasure ceased in the conjoining room where it was obvious a serious love making session had just gone down.

It was obvious they didn't want the whole house to hear, but it was hard to ignore from the close proximity I was.

I got dressed a little slower than normal, hoping that my two, very-in-love best friends that had just made love were coming down from their highs so I could talk to them about my plans for the day.

When I was satisfied with the way I'd styled my hair, and my crimson shirt and black skinny jeans were straight, I finally entered the conjoining room, trying my hardest to ignore the obvious aura of the previous lovemaking session so that I could have a serious talk with them.

They were all bundled in James's favorite yellow blanket, only their heads poking out at the top as they gazed lovingly into each others' eyes.

"Um, yeah, sorry to interrupt your little Round Two with each others' eyes, but I need to talk to you about today," I said, almost awkwardly, and almost feeling bad for ruining such a romantic moment.

Kendall and I hadn't done near as much as our two friends have, but I knew that after what Stark did to him, he needed time. And as much as I would've loved to just jump him numerous times, I had to control myself. For my Angel's well-being.

He is just very damn lucky that I have _amazing_ self-control.

Hell, I have to in order to date the most beautiful, angelic man on the planet.

Carlos and James just chuckled before sharing a soft kiss and then turning to me after Carlos's head found its little home back on James's chest.

"Okay, so what do you need us to do, Logester?" Carlos asked after he was comfortable again.

"Well, I'm going to take Kendall to the Palmwoods Park for our date. At least for the first part of it, but that's all I really have planned. Katie is going to 'coincidentally' be there with her friend, and crush, Conner. Conner is going to move in to make a move and kiss Katie when he sees Kendall and I arrive at the park," I began as I sat on the edge of the pushed together beds.

"Kendall is gonna freak out because he's an overprotective older brother and run over to intervene like he always does," James continued, once again playing with Carlos's hair.

"Yeah, and when he does that, you're going to set up your date stuff that we don't know anything about, and it's our job to bring you your keyboard for whatever reason." I couldn't stifle my laugh at Carlos's knowledge and confusion, all at the same time.

"Exactly! Thank you guys so much. I owe you," I finished before clasping my hands together and heading out to the living room to find Katie.

"Wait! I didn't get to work my James magic!" James exclaimed, reaching toward me as if using the force to stop me from walking out the door.

"Sorry, James. No time. Plus, I already look fantastic," I responded with a chuckle before rushing out the door so that James wouldn't ambush me with his lucky comb and Cuda products.

"Katie!" I called when I saw Katie leaving her bedroom.

"Yes, Logan, I know. Be a distraction so Kendall can go all overprotective-Spiderman mode so you can do whatever it is you do that my brother seems to love so much. I got it! Now stop being so nervous and go get him!"

Katie pushed me toward the door that I knew concealed my Angel and patted my back before retreating to James's and Carlos's room. Probably to tell them to stop making out, get dressed, and get ready.

I chuckled to myself as I mentally pictured Katie walking in while her "other two older brothers" were kissing. It wouldn't be her that was embarrassed…It would be them.

I took a deep breath, mentally preparing myself to see my Angel all gussied up and ready to go.

_Today will be perfect. Kendall will love it. So calm down and sweep your princess off his feet…_

I had to chuckle at the fact that I referred to him as my "princess" before calling to him through the enclosed door.

"Are you ready yet, Angel? The clock is ticking," I called sing-songingly to the beautiful man on the other side.

"Give me just another second!" he called in that musical voice that never failed to reduce me to a puddle.

I rushed to straighten my favorite red shirt and my black skinny jeans, trying to make sure that I looked good enough for Kendall.

But I knew by now that he would always be more beautiful than I was. Now I just couldn't wait to see him, even though it's only been an hour since I'd left him to get ready.

And when he opened the barrier that stood between my Angel and I, I had to mentally scold myself for wanting to pick him up bridal style, throw him down on the bed, and kiss him absolutely senseless.

Kendall looked absolutely flawless.

His golden hair was still slightly damp, but nevertheless still perfectly swept to the side, clad by his favorite gray beanie, almost covering his jade eyes that twinkled and popped even more than usual in contrast to his clean, crisp favorite green plaid shirt. His hockey-player-transformed-dancer legs looked never-ending and perfect in his white skinny jeans. And his graceful feet were clad in his favorite checkered Vans.

After composing myself and making sure that my jaw was indeed still attached to the rest of my face and not lying on the ground somewhere, I inched closer to him, my lips grazing his right ear, and whispered that previous thought of mine.

"You should be thankful that I have amazing self-control because right now, it's taking all of it not to pick you up, lay you on our beds, and kiss you senseless."

I felt him shudder under the light contact my lips were making with his ever-so-sensitive ears.

But I knew I had to contain myself, no matter how damn hard Kendall was making that for me (and other parts of me) as he stood there, so vulnerable, so beautiful, so perfectly in our doorway to our bedroom.

But something was off. And while I could have guessed he was thinking about Stark again, something in those emeralds told me it wasn't so much a hatred for Stark as it was a hatred toward himself.

It broke my heart and transformed my mood completely.

"What's wrong, Angel?" I asked, cupping his lovely face gently in my hands.

And even though he did his best to put a smile on, answer, "Nothing, love…Let's just go enjoy our day," and seal it with a quick kiss to my lips, I could see right through him.

I always could, and if he ever thought that I couldn't, he would be lying horribly to himself.

But this time, even though I could see something was clearly bothering him no matter how hard he tried to sweetly shrug it off, I wasn't sure what it was.

_How can someone as beautiful and perfect and amazing as Kendall feel so insecure about himself? Damn Stark…I blame everything on him._

"Well, I'm not going to pry you for answers, but I do know you're lying. Let's just go have a fantastic day. I know you'll love everything I've planned for us," I said with a small smile before lightly and sweetly kissing his lips.

I took his hand into my own and led him toward the park.

I smiled at that jolt of electricity that accompanied his fingers intertwining with mine.

_Everything will be just fine, Angel. Today will remind you how much you mean to me and how beautiful you are._

We took the long route to the park, which I hoped would give Katie and her friend Conner time to get in position. That was the first thing that had to go as planned if everything else was going to be perfect.

The warm L.A. air was filled with our idle, sometimes flirty chatter, occasional glances into each others' eyes, a few sweet kisses, and the swinging of our interlocked hands between us.

It didn't matter to me that people were staring…Unless they looked at MY angel with interest. Then I would shoot them an occasional glare and they would wise up and look away.

But it didn't matter what people might have been saying about one-half of Big Time Rush flirting, kissing, and holding hands like they were in love. Because we were in love. And as long as I was with Kendall, nothing even mattered.

When we finally arrived at the park, I caught a glimpse of Katie and Conner by the big oak tree that marked the entrance to Palmwoods Park. I hoped Kendall didn't notice my sigh of relief.

But when the object of his attention was completely me, though it made me blush lightly, I knew I needed to pull it toward Katie.

_Well, here it goes…_

"Oh, look, Angel…It's Katie. And isn't that her friend, Conner?" I asked as I directed my attention to my love's little sister and her best guy friend/crush (although she would never admit she had a crush on him, even though everyone knew).

When Conner glanced over, he muttered a few words to Katie and started to lean in. And that's when I felt the beautiful blond next to me tense up. And I knew my plan had been initiated perfectly.

_**KENDALL P.O.V.**_

"What the hell does Conner think he's doing?" I exclaimed before withdrawing my hand from my Logie's and sprinting toward my baby sister and that little rat Conner that I had previously had no problem with.

Until he tried to kiss my baby sister.

"CONNER! What the hell are you doing?" I exclaimed, and when he jumped back in surprise, I knew I had successfully ruined his opportunity to lip-lock with my baby sister.

"Kendall! What are you doing here? I was just hanging out with Conner! And I just turned twelve years old! I should be able to make my own decisions about kissing boys!" Katie exclaimed, obviously not happy that I'd interrupted her little date.

But she's too young to be dating! And kissing! She's too young to be interested in boys at all!

"You're ONLY twelve years old! Boys should still have cooties at your age!" I exclaimed, flailing my arms wildly before turning my attention to Conner, who looked genuinely frightened at my outburst.

"And YOU, Conner…I'm very disappointed in you. You should know better than to try to kiss MY baby sister. If I ever catch it again, I'll make sure to become a fly on the wall every time you and Katie hang out," I said, a more threatening tone infiltrating my voice than I had intended. "And that's a promise," I continued, pointing a finger at him.

"Kendall, stop it! Aren't you supposed to be here with Logan? On a date? So go find your lover and leave me alone! Come on, Conner. Let's go to the arcade," she said before turning to walk in the direction of said arcade.

But when Conner got a few steps ahead (I could have sworn he was speed walking away…Mission accomplished!), Katie turned back to me and gave me a quick hug.

"I know you're only trying to look out for me, Big Brother. But I can take care of myself, okay? There was no way I was going to let him kiss me. Kissing is gross," she said with a chuckle and a shudder before waving quickly and running to catch up with Conner.

But then I noticed Logan disappeared.

_Where could he have gone?_

I started freaking out.

I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

I couldn't see Logan anywhere.

But as I ran back to where I'd left him, I heard something crunch under my feet. I looked down to see a piece of paper.

I picked it up and the first thing that stood out to me was the handwriting. There was no doubt in my mind that it was penned by Logan.

So naturally, I proceeded to read it.

_For my beautiful Angel:_

_It's like one for the haters and two for all of those,_

_Who try to shut us down_

_They don't really know,_

_That there ain't nothing they can do that can tear us apart._

_No…_

It was a song! I was the first person Logan had ever shown this song to. Could it have been that he wrote it unconsciously about our relationship? Because I had loved him forever, but when he showed me this song, he was with Camille, even though it never seemed to fit with his relationship with her. Though I'd blocked that out at the time and convinced myself it would be our song if he ever realized he might love me to.

But then I noticed it was only part of the song…

_Maybe there's more? _I thought to myself as I looked around for another piece of paper.

Sure enough I found one.

And sure enough Logan had penned that one too.

_I don't care about the money,_

_Don't care about the clothes._

_When we're together, baby, anything goes._

_We don't even need to prove what we feel in our hearts._

_No…_

So yes, I had found another part. But then I began to wonder if there was more.

I noticed a trail of papers that looked just like the previous two, all penned by my lovely Logie.

I gathered them all up, smiling, blushing, giggling, and singing each word.

Then I picked up what should have been the last one.

_Cause the world stops when I put my arms around you,_

_Around you._

_And nothing even matters._

_And nothing even matters._

_They can all talk and say what they want about us,_

_About us._

_But nothing even matters._

_Nothing even matters._

My eyes had been so concentrated on the ground looking for more papers that I didn't even realize I'd reached my Logie until I felt his soft, piano-trained fingers lift my chin.

"Hey Angel," he said with a soft smile before kissing me sweetly on the lips.

When he pulled away, I looked around for the first time.

All around me in this secluded little spot in the park shaded by oak trees were candles, rose petals, and Logan's favorite picnic blanket. Adorning his red picnic blanket was a picnic basket.

It all looked so beautiful. It was simple, but it was so sweet and romantic.

But it was still nowhere near as beautiful as the beautiful brunette that was now leading me to sit beside him on the picnic blanket.

I was completely speechless.

I couldn't believe Logan had done all this for me.

And then it clicked.

Maybe he and Katie had planned the Katie/Conner scene so he could set this all up because without that distraction, none of this could have been possible.

I would have to thank my baby sister later.

And apologize to Conner.

But right now, all I could focus on was my beautiful Greek god.

"So what do you think, Angel? Do you like it?" he asked, a sparkle evident in his beautiful coffee eyes.

I smiled at how happy and serene he looked.

"Like it? No, I love it, Logiebear," I replied before leaning in to capture his velvet lips in a loving kiss.

"I just can't believe you did all this for me. I love you so much, Logie," I whispered against his lips before kissing him yet again, passionately, lovingly, sweetly.

He brought his hands to entangle in my hair, absentmindedly knocking my beanie off its perch on my head so his slender fingers had better access at intertwining in my locks.

I brought my arms to drape softly around his neck.

The kiss turned from sweet to passionate and heated rather quickly.

As Logan took the lead in the mystifying tango of our tongues, Logan's one hand found its way under the hem of my shirt, tracing patterns on my stomach.

And soon enough, he was on top of me.

My hands soon found their way to the hem of his shirt, running fingertips lightly over his perfectly sculpted abs.

And when he moaned my name in pleasure at the touch, I knew I couldn't stop now.

Both of our shirts probably would have been lying dejectedly next to us within the next 0.5 seconds had it not been for the sound of someone clearing their throat in front of us.

"*clears throat* Um, guys? Sorry to interrupt, but uh…Logan, James and I brought your, uh…Your keyboard. Sorry we're late. We, uh, had some, um…business to attend to. Um, okay, bye, have fun with Kendall!" Carlos said quickly before he and James laid the keyboard down gently, snickered under their breaths, and flitted away hand-in-hand.

Logan looked down at me underneath him, any hint of lust that had previously clouded them now gone.

There was nothing more than love in those eyes now.

And as much as I wished we wouldn't have been interrupted, the look in those chocolate eyes made it completely okay.

He leaned down to kiss me sweetly before pulling himself up off me, and then offering his hand to me to pull me up.

I grabbed my dejected beanie and fixated back over my now disheveled hair.

Logan smirked at my actions, mostly because I knew my face was probably the color of his shirt by now.

"You're so adorable, Angel," he said, stroking my cheek.

He then went over to his keyboard that James and Carlos had brought.

_What does he need his keyboard for?_ I thought to myself when he motioned for me to come closer.

Of course I couldn't resist, so I shuffled over to him, across from him, gazing into his hypnotizing eyes over the keyboard.

"I wrote a song for you, Angel. And I hope this song helps you realize how perfect, how beautiful, how wonderful you truly are. No matter what anyone says or does. And I also hope it reminds you how much I love you," Logan began before leaning across the keyboard to kiss me lightly on the lips.

Then, my Logiebear looked longingly into my eyes, nothing but love twinkling in his own as his already naturally musical voice broke out into song to accompany the beautiful melody that his graceful fingers were playing.

_I don't know why you always get so insecure.  
>I wish you could see what I see,<em>

_When you're looking in the mirror.  
>And why won't you believe me when I say<br>That to me you get more beautiful everyday?  
>And when you're looking at the magazines,<br>And thinking that you'll never measure up,  
>You're wrong.<br>Cause you're my cover, cover girl.  
>I think you're a superstar, <em>

_Yeah you are.  
>Why don't you know,<br>Yeah you're so pretty that it hurts?  
>It's what's underneath your skin,<br>The beauty that shines within.  
>You're the only one that rocks my world<br>My cover girl.  
>Oh, my cover girl.<br>You walk in rain boots on a perfect summer day.  
>Somehow you always see the dark side when everything's okay.<br>And you wear baggy clothes that camouflage your shape,  
>Whoa, <em>

_But you know that I love you just the way you're made.  
>When you're looking at the magazines,<br>And thinking that you're just not good enough,  
>You're so wrong, baby.<br>Cause you're my cover, cover girl.  
>I think you're a superstar, <em>

_Yeah you are.  
>Why don't you know,<br>Yeah you're so pretty that it hurts?  
>It's what's underneath your skin,<br>The beauty that shines within.  
>You're the only one that rocks my world.<br>My cover girl.  
>You've got a heart of gold, <em>

_A perfect original.  
>I wish you would stop being so hard on yourself for awhile.<br>And when I see that face,  
>I'd try a thousand ways,<br>Cause I would do anything to make you smile.  
>Cause you're my cover, cover girl.<br>I think you're a superstar, _

_Yeah you are.  
>Why don't you know,<br>Yeah you're so pretty that it hurts?  
>It's what's underneath your skin,<br>The beauty that shines within,  
>You're the only one that rocks my world.<br>My cover girl.  
>Oh, my cover girl<br>Oh, my cover girl  
>Whoa oh, my cover girl<br>Whoa oh, my cover girl_

I felt my heart swell, and I knew tears were running down my face.

But they weren't tears like the ones I'd been crying so much recently.

They were happy tears.

Such foreign but such welcome, relieving tears.

Tears that fell because I knew I was loved.

Logan – beautiful, perfect, lovely, Greek god Logan – loved me.

And I sure as hell loved him more than anything.

"Awe, Angel, I didn't want to make you cry. Please don't cry, baby," Logan said softly as he made his way to me and pulled me into his lap, rocking me, holding me, loving me, kissing me.

"No, Logiebear. I'm crying happy tears. I love you so much. I don't know how I ever got lucky enough to have someone as beautiful and amazing as you loving me like you do. I love you, Logie. I love you so much," I said between my happy sobs.

"Awe, Angel, I love you too. More than I've ever loved anyone or anything," he whispered before kissing away each and every last trace of a tear that trailed on my face.

We shared another sweet, passionate, loving kiss, pulling away only when we needed air.

"Now let's enjoy our picnic. I worked so hard to get everything ready for it. And then we can look up at the stars," Logan said with a smile as he carried me, bridal style, back over to the picnic blanket.

"But I don't need to look at the stars," I began, looking deeply into my love's eyes.

When he looked confused, I simply smirked.

"Because the stars are only the second most beautiful thing I've ever laid my eyes on."

When he cocked his head to the side so adorably in confusion, I continued.

"You're the first, silly," I finished before lightly nuzzling into his chest.

He smirked that sexy, beautiful, lovely smirk before kissing my forehead gently.

"Well, the stars may not even come out tonight, Angel," he began as he stroked my cheek and kissed it.

"Why wouldn't they, Logie?" I asked. Now it was my turn to be beyond confused.

"Because they could never shine as bright as your beautiful emerald eyes. They're probably jealous," he finished before capturing my lips in a short, but sweet, kiss.

And I couldn't fight the blush, or the smile, or the twinkle in my eyes.

I could never see my life without Logan in it.

I would never be whole without Logan in it.

He was my other half.

The yin to my yang.

Then I realized how vulnerable, how reliant on someone else I had truly become.

But honestly, with Logan, I wouldn't have it any other way.

**Awe, cutesy, lovely things :D I hope you enjoyed it and didn't drown too terribly in Kogan adorableness :) But I especially hope** **that Kendalls LogieBear especially enjoyed it cause my long lost twin has been DYING for an update :D**


	30. I feel whole now

**DRUMROLL PLEASE! ...Thank you. So I feel absolutely HORRIBLE that it's been SO extremely long - almost an eternity - since I've updated. I've just had A LOT going on with college, homework, work, family issues, *insert anything else that could go wrong in life here* so I haven't had a chance. BUT HERE IT IS! **

**...After I thank my AMAZING, lovely reviewers first :) So thank you to (brace yourself - long list): Kendalls LogieBear (my fabulous, amazing Little Twin), loganhendersonismine98 (one of the ones that makes me feel like a better writer than I think I am)****, btrlover21 (here's your update, dearest...lots of love!), nigel small (or shall I say Joker Small? haha), Hikari no Kasai (one of my confidence boosters), DoctorWhoFan9 (the alter ego Logie to my alter ego Kendy), Rhett9 (one of my fabulous, amazing twitter friends/Beanie Musketeers), Till. Death. Do. Us. Apart (one of the ones whose reviews are so great that they make me blush), xCarganxKoganx (sending you much love!), rainy dayz and silver dreams (been with me since the first chapter! love coming your way!), AsianIggs1 (who is all caught up now haha), shogoki17 (love you so much dear...you're an amazing Rusher/friend), SingThisSongTogether (there will be no need for shaking...here's what you want!), Elevate Your Hearts Up (such a sweetie!), and last but certainly not least, MythoBoy (I'm sorry for almost drowning you in adorableness! Better hold on tight for this dose!)**

**Wow, this is a really long author note that no one cares about SO on with the story my lovelies :) Logan's POV.**

The moment was perfect.

After my Angel and I finished our picnic, we laid down on the blanket.

His lovely goldenrod, currently beanie covered head was resting peacefully on my chest, claiming it as its own, as if my heartbeat was the sweetest melody he'd ever heard. Almost a lullaby.

I absentmindedly removed the beanie from his beautiful head and started playing with his soft golden locks while holding him protectively and tightly, yet lovingly, against me. Kendall was absentmindedly playing with our intertwined fingers that lay on my stomach, and one of his long, shapely, white-skinny-jean-clad legs was slung carelessly over my own.

The stars were shining brightly, beautifully, as if competing for the title of Brightest, Most Beautiful Star in the Universe.

But every last one of the countless, sparkling balls of fire would lose.

Because there was no competition.

Because the Brightest, Most Beautiful Star in the Universe was currently curled adorably against my side, secured in my embrace, playing with our intertwined fingers.

I was so lost in this moment that I'd almost forgotten about my third surprise for Kendall on that perfect night.

That night that I had wanted to be the best night of Kendall's life.

And when I remembered this, the small little weight in my pocket seemed to be heavier than it really should have been.

I silently cursed my now racing heartbeat.

_Now Kendall's going to want to know what's wrong. I have no doubt that he will notice the change in tempo of "his lullaby." Damn…_

And sure enough, almost as soon as that thought had processed in my mind, beautiful, wide, glimmering emerald gems were shifted, looking up at my face. The automatic concerned response of my Angel was so damn adorable, making my already racing heart flutter.

"Logie?" he began in that soothing, innocent, adorable, yet sexy, voice. "Are you okay? Your heart rate just sped up so quickly without warning."

I smiled down at my perfect love before leaning down to lightly press my lips to his forehead.

"Well, I guess there's no hiding it now," I began as I carefully cradled my Angel while maneuvering us to an upright position.

"Now, I want this to be absolutely perfect, so work with me here, Angel," I said with a smile before lightly pecking his lips.

Kendall got one of those absolutely adorable confused looks on his angelic face as it turned the color of our picnic blanket.

_God, I love this boy…_

I softly picked Kendall up off my lap and lightly sat him on the blanket. I stood up, nervously but anxiously, and outstretched a trembling hand for my beautiful boyfriend to accept so I could help him stand as well.

Those giant green eyes, full of confusion and nerves, moved from my face, to my outstretched hand, back to my now smirking face as he hesitantly grabbed my hand and allowed me to help pull him to his Vans-clad feet.

I chuckled when those gorgeous greens widened with surprise when I pulled that Angel impossibly closer to me, resting one of my hands on one of his perfect hips while the other clung tightly to his hand, as if for life or death. I leaned our foreheads together before taking a deep breath and speaking.

"Kendall Francis Knight, you are the love of my life. I love everything about you – from your angelic blond hair, to your perfectly soft, chiseled features, to your sparkling, beautiful emerald eyes, all the way to your gently toned, tall, amazing body, and all the way underneath to your heart of gold, your innocence, your passion, your melodic voice…Just everything about you. I never dreamed it would be possible to love anyone or anything as much as I love you. And I can't imagine my life going on if you aren't right there beside me, or in my arms, or holding my hand."

Tears were falling from my Angel's jade eyes, making them appear even more shimmering than I've ever seen them before. I made a mental note that THAT green is now my favorite color in the history of the world.

I lightly kissed away a few stray tears that were close to his now showing adorable dimples because of that even more adorable smile before continuing.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is…" I began, rooting through my pocket with the hand that was previously resting on the love of my life's hip, relishing the feel of our fingers intertwined too much to break that contact.

I found what I'd been fumbling for and pulled out the little black velvet box.

When I looked at my perfect Kendall's face, it had been transformed into the cutest look of surprise I've ever seen. Not even the priceless face of a 3 year old in their footie pajamas that just woke up to a lighted Christmas tree with piles and piles of presents underneath it could compete with the look on Kendall's face in this moment.  
>And that's when I got down on one knee, opened the little black velvet box to reveal a shiny silver ring band with a strip of pure emerald – the color of my Angel's eyes – wrapping around it.<p>

"The inside of this ring reads, 'To my Angel. 'Til death do us part.' And to elaborate on the inscription, if there is a life after death, I will still love you even then, my perfect, beautiful Angel. So Kendall Francis Knight – I guess my question to you is, will you make me the happiest man to ever walk this Earth and be my other half for the rest of our lives?"

It wasn't long before Kendall tackled me to the ground, kissing my lips passionately, but somehow still sweetly.

If it weren't for the death grip I had on that little black velvet box, it would have flown from my hand.

And when we finally broke our loving liplock, Kendall straddled my hips, leaned his forehead down to touch mine, and whispered, "I couldn't see me living my life any other way than by your side, Logiebear."

And I knew, for the first time in my life, looking into those beautiful jade eyes slightly covered by the shaggy golden blond hair of the man I'd loved my entire life, that my life was complete.

Perfect.

I felt whole.

**Now on the count of 3, we'll all have a group "AWE!" Ready? 1...2... nah, just kidding :) But you can still awe if you think this was awe-worthy :) I hope you enjoyed! Great update in store! (May be the last one!)**


	31. Forever, With Love

**First off, I need to apologize profusely for holding off on this update for so long. I'm so, so, so, SO sorry :( I've been terribly busy and overwhelmed with life, college, school, etc. I'm surprised there was no angry mob hunting me down. I would have deserved it completely :(**

**Second of all, this is THE LAST CHAPTER of this fanfic :'( I know, it's rather sad, but the good news? It ends happily (of course :) I wouldn't have it any other way) AND there will be a sequel if you guys want one. Eventually. I just don't know when I'll be able to write it. Maybe after this semester of college is over? I've got about 3 or 4 more weeks in the semester - it's bittersweet because it's nice to know it will be over soon, but the stress level is ridiculous :( So let me know if you want a sequel or not! Also, I have a giant project brewing with RomeoPride, Kendalls Logiebear, and Rhett9. It shall be the fanfic of all fanfics :D BUT I don't know when that will be born. Time will tell.  
><strong>

**And NOW, the moment you've all been waiting for (At least I like to think you've all been on the edge of your seats for this ;) haha). The final chapter to "When A Brother Is Not Enough****."** **A giant and much needed "thank you, I love you" to all my reviewers of this fanfic will be in an extremely long author note at the end of this chapter, BUT I've already kept you waiting forever, so without further delay, a time skip to the wedding in Kendall's POV.**

**I hope you enjoy! :)**

"Kendall – seriously, dude. You need to breathe. Everything is going to be okay," Carlos said, slowly rubbing a hand up and down my back in a comforting manner.

I banged my head once again on the cherry wood vanity before looking up into the mirror into my distraught face. I ran my trembling hands through my hair, pulling it slightly in pure nerves.

"But I'm freaking out, Carlos!" I exclaimed, unable at this point to control my shaking body and the volume of my voice.

"What if Logan changes his mind and leaves me at the altar? Why would he want to be tied down to ME for the rest of his life?" I lamented before once again tugging at my hair.

Carlos removed my hands from my head before I could pull all my disheveled hair out and squeezed them tightly.

I have never, ever been this nervous at any point in my entire life.

But it wasn't uncommon for anything that had to do with Logan to make me experience foreign facets of myself.

_Today's my wedding day,_ I kept repeating to myself in my head.

Today is the day I will be forever joined to my beautiful, perfect, Greek god of a best friend and lover. It's all I've ever wanted – all I'll ever need.

But those pre-wedding jitters?

They have successfully taken over my entire body, consuming any ounce of over-excitement I should have been feeling and replacing it with an overwhelming nervousness that brought tears to my eyes.

_I love Logan. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone or anything. He makes me happy. He makes me feel safe. I would do anything for him. I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him…But what if he regrets his decision and runs off into the sunset with Camille? What if Camille shows up and ruins this for me somehow? Speaking of Camille, where has she been? Why…_ "KENDALL!" Carlos exclaimed, shaking me both physically and mentally from my relentless thoughts.

"Get out of that head of yours for a minute and just listen to me," Carlos began in a frighteningly serious tone for my usually sarcastic, joking Latino friend.

I met his eyes, trying to will these stupid tears to stop falling from my eyes.

I was a legitimate wreck.

_This is what Logan does to me…_

Carlos forced me to make eye contact with him before he continued his spiel.

With his hands still firmly grasping my shoulders, as if he were holding me together, he lectured, "Logan loves you. He always has. Even if he had never proposed to you, he'd STILL be tied down to you no matter what for the rest of his life because he's ALWAYS loved you and he would do ANYTHING for you! Do you hear me?"

I nodded my head slowly and brushed away with a shaking hand the stupid tears staining my disgraceful face.

_What does Logan even see in me? He's absolutely perfect, flawless, beautiful…And I am so far from any of that…_

It wasn't long before I was interrupted from my self-deprecating thoughts once again when James came up behind Carlos and wrapped his muscular arms around the little Latino's waist, kissing his cheek and pulling him into his lap.

"How's our little Kendall holding up, sweetheart?" he asked Carlos with a smirk before kissing his cheek again.

Carlos blushed a deep blush, visible no matter how tan his complexion was, and removed his hands from my shoulders to envelope James's hands around his waist. I couldn't help but think how adorable it all was.

"He's freaking out, babe. He thinks Logan will leave him at the altar and run off with Camille," Carlos answered, venom threatening to enter his tone as it said Camille's name when he was finally able to regain his composure.

My head shot up from my fumbling hands in my lap, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. Could Carlos read my mind or something?

"Kendall," James began, resting a hand gently on my shaking shoulder after disentangling his fingers from Carlos's. "Logan would never leave you. He would never hurt you. You should know that by now."

I sighed heavily, wiping yet another tear from my eyes. "But what if he takes one look at me coming down the aisle, realizes how ugly I am, and runs away? Not that I'd blame him..."

"Kendall Francis Mitchell, don't you ever say that about yourself again!" James exclaimed with a stern gaze while Carlos nodded furiously in agreement.

"My name isn't Mitchell yet, James..." I began with a violent blush at the sound of it before James, interrupting my protests, continued.

"Kendall, seriously, if you weren't so head over heels in love with Logan and he wasn't so heels over head in love with you, and if I didn't have this lovely little Latino sitting in my lap right now, I'd seriously do you without hesitation," James said with a wink and a smirk, making me blush slightly though I knew he was joking...I think. Carlos lightly slapped him on the arm for that comment. But Carlos was chuckling all the while.

"James is right though, Kendall – you're drop-dead gorgeous, okay?" Carlos continued from his pretty boy boyfriend's tangent, winking at me as well.

This time it was James turn to lightly slap Carlos, though he too was chuckling through it all.

"How about this, Kendall?" James began, his tone growing a little more serious. Or at least I thought...

"If Logan were to leave you at the altar – WHICH HE WOULD NEVER DO – and run away with Camille – WHICH HE ALSO WOULD NEVER DO – then you, Carlos, and I will just be a couple," he continued in a tone that was impossible to pinpoint as joking or serious.

Before I could react in any way, Carlos chimed in. "Wouldn't that make us a trio, rather than a couple, Jamesy?"

My two best friends were chuckling, almost as if they actually were more serious than joking, but I didn't have time to contemplate their true meaning.  
>Leave it to James and Carlos to make me laugh and temporarily forget about how much I was freaking out inside.<p>

While we were sharing a lighthearted laugh, my mom entered the room.

"Are you ready, honey?" she asked, still looking down at her checklist, most likely making sure everything was going as planned.

But when she looked up at me, she dropped her checklist, opened her arms wide, enveloped me in a hug, and let a few stray tears fall down her face.

"My baby boy is all grown up," she sniffled.

James and Carlos laughed again, causing me to blush yet again.

"You are a real knockout right now, Knight," James said through light chuckles.

"James is right, Kendall," Carlos agreed.

"I know I'll regret this later, but I think you look better than I do right now," James joked, almost disbelievingly, but good-naturedly nonetheless.

Carlos chuckled, mouthing silently, "He's right, you know." I tried to hold back my laughter.

"Come on, honey," Mom began, straightening my emerald green tie and my dark blond hair before taking my hand and pulling me out of the room.

_I can't believe I'm about to do this…_ I thought to myself as Mom led me to where I needed to be. But as soon as I looked down the long stretch of the aisle and saw my beautiful husband-to-be standing there with that melt-worthy lopsided smile and those shimmering chocolate eyes looking more beautiful than should be legally possible, I could breathe again.

When my time came, I walked cautiously down the aisle, thinking to myself, _It would be just my luck to fall right now…_ But with Mom at my side, steadying me, I knew she'd never let me fall.

I'm sure that James and Carlos, my best friends, my "maids" of honor, and my best men looked great, but I couldn't take my eyes off my Logie.

He put every other person in the room to shame with as radiant as he looked.

I lost myself in his sparkling chocolate eyes and that sexy, lopsided smile, not able to comprehend what I was saying or what I was thinking throughout the wedding.

All I could think about was this gorgeous, flawless man in front of me and how he was going to be all mine.

I was going to be Kendall Francis Mitchell in a matter of minutes.

Nothing even mattered in that moment – not the words that my mouth was unconsciously voicing, not the faces of everyone else in the room. Nothing but that beautiful man who I would be able to call mine forever in a matter of minutes.

Until my fantasy was briefly shattered.

I don't remember virtually anything the preacher said up until the point that I heard a few unintelligible words, followed by seven words that sent my mind into panic overdrive: "…speak now or forever hold your peace."

My eyes widened, my mind reeled, and my grasp on Logan's hands tightened, causing my knuckles to turn white.

Logan looked frightened that I was so frightened, leaning in slightly and whispering, "Angel, are you okay?" with a few tears building up in his eyes.

But I was terrified.

_What if Stark isn't really dead? What if he comes back and does something to ruin this moment for me? What if my dad somehow miraculously appeared and dragged me away from Logan? What if Camille is here?_

And then my heart stopped when an all-too familiar, haunting voice broke through the tension-filled silence.

"KENDALL! You can't marry Logan! You can't do this to me! I love you! I'm so sorry for everything I did and said to you, but I never loved Logan…I used him so I could get closer to you because I love you! Please don't marry Logan!"

Camille.

My gaze was still completely fixated on Logan. His eyes widened in shock, disbelief, and maybe hurt?

But there was also anger.

"Camille, what the hell are you doing?" Logan snarled through clenched teeth.

I couldn't tell if he was angry because Camille had just admitted she loved me and never him, or if he was angry because she was ruining our wedding.

_It was probably the first one…He's probably regretting everything right now and he's probably going to turn around and walk away from me any second now._

Every pair of eyes in the room were wide in shock, fear, or anger, all locked on a very distraught, disheveled Camille.  
>My heart completely stopped. I felt like I was going to pass out. I looked around the room, not able to look at Camille or Logan at the moment.<p>

Looking at either one would hurt too much.

_What the hell is Camille doing? What does she mean she loves me? What is Logan going to do?_

I couldn't breathe.

A very angered Logan returned his attention to me. He must have noticed how weak my grasp on his hands was becoming. He must have noticed I couldn't breathe. He must have noticed that my heart refused to beat in that moment.

As soon as his attention was fully back on me, I saw every trace of anger disintegrate from his face. All that was left was worry.

"Angel, are you okay?"

But I couldn't respond. I was paralyzed.

Until I heard another all-too familiar voice break out in the now murmuring crowd, but this one wasn't haunting. It wasn't malicious.

It was caring.

"You'll have to excuse this girl. I'm Dr. Mitchell, Logan's mother. I'm a psychiatrist, and I know that this girl is not in a stable state of mind right now. Anything she says cannot be taken seriously. I'm so very sorry that this is happening. Carry on with the wedding…I'll just take her back to the ward."

I watched as Mama Mitchell dragged a very confused Camille out of the room. "I don't know what she's talking about! I'm not crazy! Kendall…!"

It wasn't long after Mama Mitchell shut the door behind her and Camille that the room erupted in cheers and applause.

Through the cheers and applause, I felt my heart rate return and my breathing continue.

Crisis averted.

This moment had transformed back into a dream from the nightmare it was on the verge of becoming.

I really owed Mama Mitchell.

I smiled at how absolutely breathtaking my lovely husband-to-be looked with his full attention on me, full of worry and concern.

"I am now, Logie," I whispered while the cheers and applause began to die down.

Logan's perfect face lit up, and he brought one pair of our intertwined hands to his lips to lightly kiss mine.

"Perfect," he whispered against my skin, sending shivers down my spine, making me temporarily completely forget about what just went down with Camille.

"You were saying?" James cleared his throat and asked the preacher with a wink and a smirk at me.

"Oh, yes," the preacher continued after regaining his composure.

"I now pronounce you a happy, beautiful couple joined together forever by your overwhelming love for each other," he finished with a wide, warm smile.

Then, the preacher looked at Logan quizzically.

"Well, are you going to kiss your new husband or not?"

A million dollar smile that could light up the whole universe broke out on my love's face before he wrapped his arms around my waist tightly and protectively, pulled me impossibly close against him, and answered, "I thought you'd never ask," with a beautiful sparkle in those slightly-creamed-coffee eyes before closing the short distance between our lips kissing me passionately, hungrily, sweetly, lustfully all at the same time.

It's probably a good thing that Carlos cleared his throat and whispered under his breath, "That can wait until the honeymoon!" with a chuckle, or Logan and I may have just gotten completely undressed right there because we were so caught up in the moment, in each other, in that perfect, electrifying feeling of our lips and tongues tango-ing perfectly together.

"I love you so much, Kendall Francis Mitchell," Logan said breathlessly when we finally broke the magnetic contact of our lips as he leaned his forehead softly against my own, still holding me gently yet securely in a beautiful embrace.

"I love hearing you say that," I replied with a deep blush and a chuckle before lightly pecking him on the lips.

"And I love you too, Logiebear."

"Let's go enjoy the rest of our life together, Mr. Mitchell," Logan said sexily with a wink before dragging me behind him down the aisle as our wedding guests blew bubbles and made merry.

I blushed again deeply, but didn't hesitate to follow him.

I would never hesitate to follow him.

I never had.

In fact, I would follow him anywhere.

I always had.

My best friend.

My lover.

My husband.

My Logiebear.

**And that's the end! Bittersweet, isn't it? SO now that means the super long "thank yous" and "I love yous" to all of you amazing, lovely, perfect, beautiful readers, reviewers****, and alerters. Well, here it goes: *takes a deep breath* Thank yous and I love yous to btrlover21, Rhett9, klolo8, EverlastingRusher, DoctorWhoFan9****, Cap't Mo, Kendalls Logiebear, OnTheFlipSide, itrymybest, rainy dayz and silver dreams, shogoki17, MrBadMediaKarma, poeticjustice13, Lonelygrl91, sylarbadass, Till. Death. Do. Us. Apart., Ieeerr, Adrian Aluran, PerfectMirror14, Violent Moon, Hikari no Kasai, SassyLadyStriking, BigTimeRushBabe, iWannaSexCoryMonteithUp, lady danni, Kogans Wolf Girl, MythoBoy, nigel small, jenizzleoffdachain, Bandana Man's Girlfriend, xCarganxKoganx, shannaenaezz, loganhendersonismine98, AsianIggs1, SingThisSongTogether, Elevate Your Hearts Up, and last but of course not least, digimonktlover. *can breathe again***

**I love you guys more than you could ever know and I can't thank you NEAR enough as I would like to. You are all amazing for sticking with my story, for your feedback, and for alerting (alerters - this is for you! Love you all too!). I would never have gotten through this without you guys. I love YOU. **

**As I said above, let me know if you want a sequel and I'll see what I can do :)**

**Peace, Love, BTR :)  
><strong>

***BreakFree**


End file.
